It is Saturday afternoon and I’m trying to sift through the ass load of injuries that have rained down onto us like the toilet after 3 straight days of Chipotle. It’s the first week of byes so ownership was going to be more concentrated, but these injuries will make it even worse.

I’ll get right into it with the QBs. We have a wind narrative in play this weekend on top of the injuries and the bye, but people tend to get a little too afraid of the wind (and weather in general). There is an impact, but it’s smaller than the fear and panic would lead you to believe. You have to let the dick swing a bit.

With that said it’s time to crack open the fucking Heinekens. Kansas City is the perfect team to play against for any offense. They throw all game and the defense is donkey dick. A couple other QBs I like this week are Mahomes (of course), Lamar (what the fuck is that price), and the Staff vs. NYG. Staff double stack might be a sneaky play and some leverage off of the Henderson chalk, but Kupp’s ownership still looks high. I don’t really see much need to stray beyond those couple guys. Was it Giraffe neck’s breakout last week? Maybe, but I think he still fucking sucks.

At running back, the injuries are piling up like the shit on Odell’s chest. If we thought Mattison’s ownership was high last week, we will see a higher percentage this week with Kareem Hunt. I think you just have to guzzle the chalk in this case.

A couple other running backs I like this week are Dalvin Cook, Khalil Herbert (who already played a significant amount of snaps last week while Damien Williams was active), Joe Mixon, Darrell Henderson (of course), and then I’ll maybe slip in a little McKissdick in there. One of my favorite chalk fades this week is Jonathan Taylor. He’s been helicopter dicking it lately, but he still isn’t playing enough snaps and Marlon Mack has been turkey vultering way too many carries.

At WR my plan is to be pretty much balls deep on Tyreek Hill. Between the injury news and the potential wind I’m hoping that keeps his ownership low. Is it finally Hardcock week? Probably not, but he somehow got 12 targets last week and I’m just going to assume that’s a career high. Cracking open the Heinekens means lots of McLaurin – I’m not too worried about his injury.

A couple other WR I like this week are Keenan Allen, Ja’Marr Chase, the Staff stack (Woods, Kupp, Toney/Shepard bring back), Marquise Brown, Shit Chest(It’s squeaky fucking wheel time), DeAndre Darter (WFT min priced dart), and Adams.

One more thing I will say is that Big Mike Williams’ price looks like it is out of fucking control, but he is someone you worry about each week to go for a 30 bomb.

At TE you could potentially just copy pasta what I wrote last week. Something that I will mention that was brought to my attention late last week, maybe even Sunday morning, was that Darren Waller had surgery. I don’t think he showed up on the injury report but I was reading on Monday that he had a rib removed from each side of his body to allow himself to suck his own fucking dick for the entirety of the game. Luckily, we were all over the Seal and will be again this week. This next suggestion goes a bit against my TE rules, but Travis Kelce is playable as a result of his price and the game he is a part of this week. The only other TE I’ll consider is Hunter Henry.

I’ve been getting fucking dusted on defenses for the most part this season. I like Cleveland, Arizona, KC, Carolina, and Dallas this week. KC, Carolina, and Dallas all could be setup to face a significant amount of passing, which gives us more of a chance at turnovers.

It’s time for the CGG. This week it’s Zeke. It seems like he is a bit overlooked in what I think is a potential “holy shit call the doctor IT won’t subside” type spot. New England has a run funnel feel to their defense being strong against the pass and Zeke’s workload has been great. Dallas is expected to be up and they’ve been absolutely pounding him when they’ve been in the lead. Live look at Sunday after Zeke’s 3rd TD:

I’ll be back next week.