I’m going to chalk up the last few weeks to variance. The Kamara CGG ended up being fucking terrible, but if you had told me prior to the game that the Saints would score 36 points and Semen would come in at QB halfway through I would have gotten my dick out on the spot and doubled down. Sometimes you’re just on the wrong side of variance.

I could barely contain myself this week with this Shit Chest news spewing each day. How can you even begin to care about whatever the fuck is going on with Rodgers when you’ve got Odell forcing his way out of Cleveland like the shit leaving his body onto Baker’s chest? It’s very obvious to me there is something a little deeper going on between those two off the field, if you know what I mean.

At QB this week there are a few interesting options. The first QB I thought of was Sherbert. Not only is the Eagles pass defense horse ass, but this game is also the second highest total on the slate. Sherbert is due for some positive regression and will show the Eagles how big his fucking dick is in the process.

A couple other QBs I like this week are Jordan Love (If there is a week for him to succeed it’s this week against the Chiefs defense), Dick Hurts, and Lamar (The Vikings are so fucking bad against mobile QBs). I’ll guzzle the Lamar chalk if need be. I briefly thought about the Baker-Shit Chest divorce narrative but Baker is so fucking bad so that was quickly dismissed.

At RB I think we see some flop lag in the form of Kamara going dicks out. Half of Atlanta’s games turn out to be complete dog shit for fantasy so you could always get stuck with an ass crack game, but I like Kamara this week especially with Semen in at QB.

The other RB plays I like are Ekeler (I’ll be stacking him with Sherbert), Aaron Jones, Darrel Williams, Josh Jacobs, and Elijah Bitchell. It sounds like Murray and Hopkins are banged up and there is a chance they both sit. Bitchell gets plenty of touches with a favorable OL matchup in a game that they are projected to be winning. If the dots aren’t connecting in your head I can assure you that’s dicks out.

I have several WR I like this week. If only we could have had Odell on this slate. I am chomping at the fucking bit to lock him in the next time he plays. I’m sure he’s ready for some fresh chests to shit on whichever locker room he ends up in next. Sometimes a change of scenery can help immensely, especially in situations like this.

A few of my WR this week are Hollywood Brown (Easy stack with Lamar), Brandin Cocks, Waddler (Looks like Parker is out again so he will get plenty of targets against a dogshit Houston team), Diggs, Master Bateman, Devonta Smith (back to the fucking well), Keenan Allen, Jerry Jeudy, and Davante Adams, and Thielen as a bring-back option in the Lamar stacks.

At TE there seems to be a lot of hype around Gronklin because of how bad the Ravens have been against the position this year. I’m here to say that we were all over Gronklin before he was popular and will be again this week. He fits the criteria of the Cash God TE to perfection.

I hate to go against my own rules, but I don’t mind playing Gesicki this week with Parker out. I can’t get myself to play Goedert, even in Dick Hurts stacks. The ceiling appears to be non-existent and you just can’t have that when you’re paying 4.5k – you’re basically paying to watch him inch closer to sucking his own dick. The only other TEs I’m playing this week are Albert O (of course), Travis Kelce, and Jared Cock.

It looks like KC will be the most popular defense this week, so I will definitely fade them in GPPs. I like Cleveland, Miami, San Francisco, Baltimore and Carolina. Baltimore appears to have a massive advantage in the trenches vs the Vikings.

It’s time for the CGG. This week it’s Mike Williams. His price is finally back to earth but the upside remains the same. Eagles pass defense is fucking dog ass, this is the second highest total on the slate, and his ownership is projected to be negative. Scientists say the longer a volcano goes between explosions the more violent the explosion is once it occurs. This is both the case for Mike Williams and my erection after the Kamara failure last week. I’m securing my belongings in preparation of the inevitable.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-