I covered the basics of bad variance last week and I hate to report that this variance has continued to drain my DK account. I cut it too close to lock last week trying to run lineups and ended up having to bust out the train and submit the same one in all contests. I shouldn’t even be admitting that. All in all it was a complete disaster especially considering that lineup had Jordan Love who must have seen the same surgeon as Darren Waller because there was certainly some self sucking going on during that performance. Or maybe I’m the one that got the surgery considering I couldn’t get my fucking lineups in on time.

I’ll get right into the QBs. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s SysTom Brady time. Washington fucking sucks and the Bucs have no mercy even when they’re up. SysTom will throw all game against a terrible secondary. I generally don’t endorse geezer, statue QBs, but this is an exception.

Two other QBs I like this week are Sherbert and Kirk Cousins. The Vikings are a bit banged up on defense and this game has a good chance at turning into a shootout. Those are probably the only 3 QBs I’m playing this week. I thought about Bible narrative Wentz a little and wouldn’t hate it, but these other plays are just better.

At RB I guess it’s D’Ernest Johnson week. This is a really tough fade so I can’t fully advise against it, but you will be guzzling chalk. I will be absolutely hammering Dalvin Cook this week. He is the best running back on the slate in a great game at a lower ownership than Najee Harris. I see no way he doesn’t bring out the long dick of the law against the Chargers run funnel.

If the Broncos would just let Javonte Williams fucking loose we would have a smash play against the Eagles, but he is still basically splitting snaps with Duster Gordon and I can’t get myself to play him. A few other running backs I like this week are Austin Ekeler, Zeke, Aaron Jones, and a little Fourskin sprinkle. All four are in great games at marginal ownership.

The chalk fade I like most is Mark Ingram. I can’t help but think he fucking sucks and even at that price I don’t think a nuts lineup type ceiling is possible for him. They just aren’t giving him a Kamara role and the Titans defense has played well in the last few weeks.

At WR we will be unleashing the Cock Cannon that is Bucs double stack. The week I finally play it will probably be the week it fucking fails but this is too good of a spot to pass on. Mike Evans is a virtual lock. If Godwin plays I’m not afraid to play him and might even get lower ownership with the injury news all week. Otherwise, Tyler Johnson is an obvious play who is getting plenty of snaps and targets at $3.3k even when Godwin does play.

I’m almost embarrassed to say that I’m going back to the Mike Williams well after the fucking dumpster fire that occurred on the field last week against Philly, but here we are. A couple other WRs I like are Tyler Lockett (Russ reunion prayer group narrative), Diggs(The explosion is still coming), Vikings WR(A bit of a squeaky wheel situation going on here), Pittman, Dionte Johnson, and Cooper(I think we’ve all seen the home/no injury tag splits).

At TE we can stick with the Cash God rules once again. Gronklin is a great play this week and can be inserted in the Kirk double stacks. Mo Cocks is tempting against the Jags, but I’ll stick with Gronklin, Dan Arnold, and the fucking Seal as comebacks with the Bucs stacks. I’ll be cackling like a fucking hyena when I see Dalton Shultz sucking his own dick on Sunday afternoon.

It’s time for the CGG. I fucking blew it last week. Mike Williams was ass shit. I clearly didn’t put enough weight on the Darius Slay narrative. I’m going back to Scary fucking Terry as the CGG this week. I’ll be on a significant amount of Bucs stacks so he will be easy to slip into almost every lineup. The Bucs secondary is the weakest link of the defense and WFT will be throwing the entire game. Again, you may say something like “Cash God, you’ve been complete dog shit for the last few weeks how can I trust you?”. All I can say to that is let’s do a regroup at about 4pm on Sunday when Mclaurin’s dick is imprinted on the face of SysTom at 2% ownership and the support beams at my apartment are permanently damaged from a force similar to that of a broken fire hydrant.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-