Last week was one of the more tilting weeks of DFS for me. I was in Washington so I couldn’t even play after going about 20 for 20 on players including a Justin Jefferson CGG. I can still take a victory lap for the one week of the year that I am dicks out. The iron is hot now.

I never thought we’d see the day that two fucking giraffes take the field on the same slate. Mike Glennon and Davis Mills are both starting tomorrow. I’m not sure who has a longer neck, but what I do know is they are both horse ass. Some, if not all of that, can be attributed to their necks being so fucking long that they’re able to suck their own dicks.

Taysom Hill’s crinkled finger looks like it will be chalk this week. He had over 100 yards rushing and will now get the easiest matchup of the year against the dog shit Jets. I’m going to fade him and go with Dak, Brussell Wilson, and Joe Burrow (mangled finger is good to go). The ownership on these three guys is way lower with similar ceiling potential and significantly better stacking.

At running back I love fading Kamara. He blows ass with Taysom.

I’m planning on guzzling the chalk of Jeff Wilson. The price is so low it’s hard to pass that up. A few of the other running backs I like this week are Joe Mixon, Zeke, Javonte Williams, James Robinson (Urban Meyer Weiner squeaky wheel), Gibson, and Barkley.

Speaking of Urban Meyer Weiner how the fuck has he not been fired yet. I heard a story about him calling all of his assistant coaches losers in a team meeting. I think he’s just looking to be in the news for the first time since ass blasting that fan in the bar on camera. This all coincides with the James Robinson squeaky wheel. What a dumpster fire Jacksonville is, but these narratives point me directly to James Robinson. As the scientists say, a long-dormant volcano has the most violent explosion.

The projected ownership this week at WR seems very concentrated on a few spots. I’d like to have some exposure to the Chiefs pass game so I will be playing Tyreek. As usual, I’ll be playing the stacks around my QBs. The WRs I like are Ja’Marr Chase, Lockett, Metcalf, Brandin Cooks, McLaurin (Diggs is overrated and blows coverage on 50% of the plays), Aiyuk, Jalen Guyton, and Judge Jeudy.

The only thing I’m worried about is the Metcalf-Wilson three-way situation. Some news about Metcalf attempting to set up a three-way recently surfaced and I don’t think that is really in Brussell Wilson’s life wheelhouse so there is now reason to believe a rift has formed between the two of them. This may help explain Metcalf shitting the bed the last 4 weeks. I am willing to set this aside and hope that there was some sort of olive branch offered by Brussell. Perhaps Metcalf may even invite him to the next one.

At TE I think we all know what the plan is. I got some new info from Surgeon Phalliceor on Darren Waller. The guy is fucked. He might be sucking his own dick for the rest of the season. There is no such thing as a reversal to the rib removal surgery. Fire up Moreau, Travis Kelce (I hate to say it, it pains me), and Gerald Everett. Everett is a much better play than the other cheap chalk suckers and you can stack him with Brussell.

At defense, I like the Ravens, Detroit (Campbell has that unit playing hard), Chiefs, Tampa Bay, and Atlanta.

It’s time for the CGG. This week it is CeeDeez Nuts. It looks to be a beautiful day in DC tomorrow. The Lambo will be coming out of the garage. I’ll be sitting in front of red zone, dick in hand, hoping the force of the explosion does not permanently ruin the wall when Lambo catches the 70-yard bomb that sends him over 200 yards on the day. Any time you can get the best WR on the team with the third-highest team total at around 7% you take it. He is simply one of the best plays on the slate. He is a live shot of me to the neighbors when they are questioning me about the rocket launcher sized hole through the wall:

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-