I have begun to take the “first or last” thing in GPPs very literally. In my last three milly makers I have been just above slabs of shit that forgot to enter their lineups in the morning. I’ve heard a few complaints about mentioning variance too many times in these writeups. All I have to say to that is that you don’t fucking understand variance if you think that isn’t what is occurring here.

This week has again been an absolute shit again with covid in the NFL. I’ll get right into the QBs. This week I’ll be playing Stafford, Cousins, and Joe Burrow. The Vikings-Rams game is by far the best game on the slate. Burrow is in a sneaky spot at $5.9k. The bottom of the QBs to choose from this week includes Dick Folds, the Giraffe and the Boiler for Detroit. I don’t think it can get much worse.

It’s Najee Harris time at RB. Big Ben’s arm is indistinguishable from a wrinkled penis. He is only able to throw dump-offs. Harris’ price is coming back to earth a bit and he had a bad matchup last week vs. the Titans. I am planning on gurgling the James Robinson chalk-like there is no tomorrow. My favorite chalk fade at RB is Ronald Jones. Ke’Shawn Vaughn got 19 snaps to Jones’ 22 last Sunday after Fourskin went down. This seems to be an easy fade against a stingy D in Carolina.

A few other RBs I like this week are Patterson, Miles Sanders, Justin Jackson(Houston blows ass), and a Damien Harris. Damien Harris and a questionable Brandon Bolden are the only two running backs for the Pats this week. Damien Harris unsheathed his nine incher on the Bills last time they played so keep that in mind. Live shot of the Bills tomorrow against Harris:

At WR I like Kupp, Jetta, Keenan, Ja’Marr Chase, Tee Higgins, Hollywood Brown, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and MegaQuon Treadwell (nice salary pivot off of Josh Palmer). There is almost nothing worse than watching Trevor Lawrence play each week, but Treadwell is having a resurgance for the ages and is averaging 7 targets per game of his last 4 games. The Jets are the worst team in the NFL so add that into the process.

I’ll admit that I was thinking about using Mark Andrews as a comeback in Burrow stacks, but then I took a peek at his price and was physically sick. Paying that amount for a TE not would be a reason to deactivate my DraftKings account. Call 1-800-GAMBLER on the Cash God if there’s ever a TE not named Kelce for more than $7k in my lineup. The TEs I like this week are Jared Big Cook, Kmet (Big Dick Nick can sling the rock), O Shag Hennessey, and Gronklin.

At defense I like the Panthers (We will see what Grandfather SysTom does without his superstars), Jets, Las Vegas (Drew Lock is on the Darren Waller plan) and Patriots.

It’s time for the CGG. This is the moment we have been waiting for since week 4. Shit Chest’s return to US Bank Stadium. The setup is perfect and he comes in at under 5%. Baker left around 30 DK points on the board by missing a wide-open Odell Beckham several times. Make no mistake that will not occur this week. The connection between Stafford and Odell, the special bond, is far too strong. The Shit Chest Narrative is in full force this weekend.I’m hoping they don’t have to pause the game when my erection pierces through the glass that makes up the roof of the stadium, but if you hear an audible gasp from the entire crowd late in the 4th when Odell catches his 3rd TD, you’ll know what happened.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-