2022 March Madness: Cash God’s Manifesto
March is the time when everyone comes together in a display of unity. We all become gambling degenerates, sweating our fucking balls off watching the first 5 minutes of a 15 seed thinking we are the genius for picking them to go to the Sweet 16 only to have them get shit on in the second half.
I’ll go team by team and provide an official Cash God bracket (above).
Quadrants explained:
- Quadrant 1: Home vs. 1-30, Neutral vs. 1-50, Away vs. 1-75
- Quadrant 2: Home vs. 31-75, Neutral vs. 51-100, Away vs. 76-135
- Quadrant 3: Home vs. 76-160, Neutral vs. 101-200, Away vs. 135-240
- Quadrant 4: Home vs. 161-353, Neutral vs. 201-353, Away vs. 241-353
The 1 Seeds
- Gonzaga
Kenpom: 1, NET: 1. Quad 1: 10-3, Quad 2: 2-0, Quad 3: 1-0, Quad 4: 14-0.
Gonzaga is the favorite for the second straight year and the top overall seed. They are prepared to put their fucking ballsack on the table as part of the revenge tour after being blown out in the National Championship last year. The team doesn’t feel as dominant as last year’s but they are the only team in the top 10 of both offensive and defensive efficiency and there isn’t a team like last year’s Baylor team in the field this year. The key to Gonzaga this tournament is G Andrew Nembhard (14th in the nation in assists). I have them winning it all.
2. Arizona
Kenpom: 2, NET: 2. Quad 1: 17-0 Quad 2: 6-3 9-0 Quad 3: 9-0 Quad 4:7-0
I’m going to say this multiple times here, but the PAC-12 is a bit overrated this year as a whole. Having said that, Arizona’s region has 3 Big 10 teams and a Villanova team that looked like complete dogshit in their conference championship game. Sean Miller’s sorry ass was holding this team back and they are now poised to make a deep run. They are led by Bennedicked Mathurin at 17.4 points per game. They have the second-best odds to win it all, but I think they overachieved a bit this season. I have them losing in the Elite 8 to Tennessee.
3. Baylor
Kenpom: 5, NET: 4. Quad 1: 10-5 Quad 2:8-1 Quad 3: 2-0 Quad 4:6-0
This team is not quite the same as last year’s buzz saw, but they definitely know how to swing their dicks around a bit. They had the second most Quad 1 wins in the country behind only Kansas. Their only blemish is a bed-shitting home loss to Oklahoma State. Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua is out for the year, they are on upset alert. They will face an immediate test against UNC in round 2 and lose.
4. Kansas
Kenpom: 6, NET: 6. Quad 1: 12-5 Quad 2: 8-1 Quad 3: 5-0 Quad 4: 3-0
Kansas has the most Quad 1 wins in the country and has felt a bit under the radar all year. Bill Self is kind of known for sucking his own dick in March and they could run into a very good Auburn team in the Elite 8. They are led by Ochai Agbaji, who scores 19.7 a game and shoots 40 fucking percent from 3. Kansas is good enough to go to the Final 4, but is the worst 1 seed by far at +1400 to win it all. I have San Diego State and their swarming defense beating them in round 2.
The 2 Seeds
5. Kentucky
Kenpom: 3, NET: 5. Quad 1: 9-7 Quad 2: 5-0 Quad 3: 4-0 Quad 4: 8-0
Kentucky is the best 2 seed by far. They are the 4th most efficient offense in the country (Kenpom) and have 9 Quad 1 wins. John Calipari must have paid top dollar and gotten only the best strippers for this year’s team and they always seem to come together in March. Oscar Tshiebwe is fucking unstoppable down low. He is scoring 17.1 ppg and gobbling 15.1 rebounds a game. They have the third-best odds to win it. I have them going to the Final Four.
6. Auburn
Kenpom: 10, NET: 12. Quad 1: 8-5 Quad 2: 7-0 Quad 3: 8-0 Quad 4: 4-0
Auburn somehow got shit on by Texas A&M, which is certainly the dick stain on their resume. Their leading scorer, Jabari Smith (17.4 ppg), shoots almost 43% from 3. They are still the second strongest two-seed behind Kentucky and are in a region with Kansas, Wisconsin, and Iowa as the 1,3, and 5 seeds. Based on that ass shit region and Smith’s shooting, I like their chances to go to the final four for the second time in three tournaments.
7. Villanova
Kenpom: 11, NET: 7. Quad 1: 8-6 Quad 2: 9-1 Quad 3: 5-0 Quad 4: 4-0
The Big East Championship was one of the worst fucking games I’ve ever seen. I pretty much wrote off both of the teams involved after what I witnessed. I probably shouldn’t put too much stock into a one-game sample, but I have a hard time seeing this team beating Tennessee in the Sweet 16 if they make it there. Throw in the geezer narrative for Jay Wright and this team loses to Loyola in round 2.
8. Duke
Kenpom: 12, NET: 13. Quad 1: 6-2 Quad 2: 6-3 Quad 3: 8-1 Quad 4: 8-0
Duke has played like shit lately, but we cannot count out the Coach K farewell tour narrative in this tournament. The calls they are going to get throughout t may be disgusting at times, but we can just hope they won’t affect too many outcomes. They can pull it together at any moment with the talent they have (Banchero 17 ppg and likely top 3 pick), but after struggling against Syracuse and getting shit on by Virginia Tech, they face an uphill battle in a very tough region. Coach K also might be too busy beating his own meat to tribute videos to coach this team. They’re getting beat by sharpshooting Davidson in round 2.
The 3 Seeds
9. Tennessee
Kenpom: 7, NET: 8. Quad 1: 10-7 Quad 2: 5-0 Quad 3: 4-0 Quad 4: 6-0
What is clear here is the discrepancy between their tournament seed and their ratings. They faced a shit-tier Texas A&M team in the conference final, but had to beat Kentucky to get there. This team is getting hot at the right time with wins over Arkansas and Kentucky within the last two weeks. They shoot almost 36% percent as a team from 3 and have one of the best defenses in the country. That is the recipe for March success. Their cocks are slipping out of their fucking shorts. I have this team going to the National Championship from a wide open South region.
10. Texas Tech
Kenpom: 9, NET: 9. Quad 1: 8-9 Quad 2: 7-0 Quad 3: 1-0 Quad 4:9-0
Texas Tech is another team that is potentially a bit mis-seeded. The Red Raiders are in a very difficult region with Gonzaga, Duke, Arkansas, and UConn. They have the number 1 defense in the country. Last time that was the case they went to the final 4. Their defense will carry them, but they don’t have a player like Culver to carry them quite as far. I have them losing to Gonzaga in the Elite Eight.
11. Purdue
Kenpom: 14, NET: 11. Quad 1: 8-5 Quad 2: 6-1 Quad 3: 7-0 Quad 4: 6-0
Finally, I can shit on the Big 10. The conference inexplicably has 9 teams in the tournament, including a 13-loss Rutgers team. I’m tempted to pick against all 9 of them in round 1. Purdue has one of the worst defenses in the field and will struggle immediately in round 2 against Texas or a red-hot Virginia Tech team. I’m sick of hearing the analyst suck on the balls of the Big 10 every single year. The only thing this team has going for it is being 4th in the nation in 3P%.
12. Wisconsin
Kenpom: 34, NET: 24. Quad 1: 9-3 Quad 2: 7-2 Quad 3: 4-2 Quad 4: 4-0
This is one of the worst 3-seeds of all time. I had to scroll so fucking far on the Kenpom site to find their ranking. Not only do they not belong as a 3-seed I’m not even sure they are a top 25 team based on any of these metrics. Johnny Davis (19.7 ppg) will have to carry this team wherever they may go. While they do have 9 Quadrant 1 wins they somehow have 2 Quad 2 losses and 2 Quad 3 losses, which is so fucking bad. They are losing in round 1.
The 4 Seeds
13. UCLA
Kenpom: 8, NET: 10. Quad 1: 5-4 Quad 2: 8-2 Quad 3: 8-1 Quad 4: 4-0
UCLA is very balanced, ranked 15 on offense and 12 defensively. They have Final Four run experience from last year, but land in a very tough region with Baylor, Kentucky, and St. Mary’s. Johnny Juzang shoots 36% from 3 and has shown that he can almost single-handedly carry a team anywhere. Having said that, this team could struggle to get past St. Mary’s in the second round and if they somehow do UNC will certainly shit down their throats in the Sweet 16.
14. Illinois
Kenpom: 17, NET: 15. Quad 1: 6-6 Quad 2: 6-3 Quad 3: 6-0 Quad 4: 4-0
Ever heard the name, Cockburn? He is the star of the show for this team. He generally burns his cock on the foreheads of the opponents after each dunk. I keep going back to the “Big 10 is shit” narrative, but just can’t help myself. I don’t have any faith in the conference as a whole. This is not the same team as last year, they were actually good last year and still lost early. They do have the second-highest odds of the 4 seeds to win the tournament, but have 3 Quad 2 losses. They are losing to UAB in round 2.
15. Arkansas
Kenpom: 20, NET: 20. Quad 1: 7-6 Quad 2: 5-1 Quad 3: 6-1 Quad 4: 7-0
Arkansas can seemingly beat anyone, but yet lose to anyone. They have wins against Kentucky, LSU, and Tennessee down the stretch, but a Quad 2 and Quad 3 loss. Any team that has a Quad 3 loss has potential upset tattooed on their fucking cock. I don’t think they get past Vermont in round 1.
16. Providence
Kenpom: 49, NET: 33. Quad 1: 5-3 Quad 2: 9-2 Quad 3: 6-0 Quad 4: 5-0
It’s a bit concerning when a team is this low in the rankings, yet has a top 4 seed. Put that together with how bad the Big East Championship was and I think I’m on board with an early-round exit for the Friers. Their odds to win it more closely resemble the 7-9 seeds than the 4 seed that they are. I have them losing in round 1 to SDSU.
The 5 Seeds
17. Houston
Kenpom: 4, NET: 3. Quad 1: 1-4 Quad 2:10-1 Quad 3: 10-0 Quad 4: 8-0
Talk about a team that rates out extremely well and is potentially mis-seeded. They shit on their conference tourney, but have only 1 quad 1 win and 1 Quad 2 blemish. They have a similar makeup to last year, where they went to the Final Four, but they gurgle their own sack at FT and they lost their leading scorer Marcus Sasser in late December. This team is on major upset alert against a sneaky UAB team.
18. Iowa
Kenpom: 13, NET: 14. Quad 1: 3-6 Quad 2: 8-3 Quad 3: 7-0 Quad 4: 7-0
I don’t need to go into it again, but this is another Big 10 team with an extremely efficient offense but fucking terrible, sieve of a defense. Keegan Murray is one of the best players in the nation (23.6 ppg at 40% shooting from 3), but this team gets upset in round 2 by South Dakota State, in what could be a massive shootout featuring 2 of the worst defenses in the field.
19. St. Mary’s
Kenpom: 16, NET: 19. Quad 1: 4-7 Quad 2: 6-0 Quad 3: 5-0 Quad 4: 9-0
St. Mary’s plays so fucking slowly, but pairs that with a top 10 defense. They showed that they can beat anyone after taking down Gonzaga in February, but they will need a lot to go their way if they have any chance of beating UCLA and Baylor/UNC in consecutive games. Their offense is not good enough to get past Baylor/UNC, they will lose in the Sweet 16.
20. UConn
Kenpom: 18, NET: 16. Quad 1: 5-6 Quad 2: 8-3 Quad 3: 3-0 Quad 4: 7-0
I’m beating a dead horse here, but that Big East Championship game put such a bad taste in my mouth about the entire conference. They don’t really do anything particularly well. I don’t think this team makes it past Vermont in round 2.
The 6 Seeds
21. Texas
Kenpom: 15, NET: 17. Quad 1: 5-10 Quad 2: 5-1 Quad 3: 3-0 Quad 4: 8-0
Texas was one of the nation’s top teams coming into the season, but somehow ended up losing 11 fucking games. They are another balanced team, with a top 15 defense, but they play the hottest team in the country in Virginia Tech and are stumbling into the tournament with 3 straight losses. They do not shoot the 3 very well (32.3%) and I don’t think they get past round 1 in a terrible matchup (VT is the 3rd best 3-point shooting team).
22. LSU
Kenpom: 19, NET: 18. Quad 1: 6-9 Quad 2: 5-1 Quad 3: 6-1 Quad 4: 5-0
LSU has an extremely good defense that ranks 5th best in the country, but they have a few bad losses on the year, including a Quad 3 (unforgivable) loss. I have them losing to Auburn in the Sweet 16. This will be a defensive battle so it will likely be fucking unbearable to watch.
23. Alabama
Kenpom: 25, NET: 30. Quad 1: 8-8 Quad 2: 5-3 Quad 3: 5-2 Quad 4: 1-0
This is one of the hardest teams to get a read on. At times they play like the best team in the country (i.e. the win over Gonzaga), but other times they shit the bed like you wouldn’t believe (i.e. losing to Vanderbilt in the conference tournament). Jaden Shackelcock leads this team with 16.7 ppg and can carry them against any team. They are well coached and shoot a significant amount of 3s, but will have a tough time making a run in a region with Gonzaga, Duke, Texas Tech, and Arkansas. I have them losing to Texas Tech in round 2.
24. Colorado State
Kenpom: 31, NET: 28. Quad 1: 5-3 Quad 2: 8-1 Quad 3: 3-1 Quad 4: 8-0
Colorado State has a dogshit defense and are 20th in offensive efficiency. They do not have the talent to make a deep run and will run into the buzz saw of Tennessee in round 2 after they shit on Michigan (Big 10 narrative).
The 7 Seeds
25. Murray State
Kenpom: 27, NET: 21. Quad 1: 2-1 Quad 2: 3-0 Quad 3: 5-1 Quad 4: 17-0
This team shit on some bad teams this year. They were 17-0 in Quad 4 games and really only had 1 bad loss. It is sometimes difficult to project these mid-major teams that dominate their conferences. They are led by KJ Williams who scores 18.2 ppg. They won a few close conference tournament games that did not inspire much confidence. I don’t think they get past San Francisco in round 1.
26. Ohio State
Kenpom: 32, NET: 26. Quad 1: 5-5 Quad 2: 5-5 Quad 3: 6-1 Quad 4: 3-0
Dead horse narrative. This team has a significant number of Quad 2 losses (5) and they played in a shit Big 10 all year. Ohio State is one of the best 3 point shooting teams in the nation, but they have one of the worst defenses in the entire field (ranked 131). I expect them to lose round 1.
27. Michigan State
Kenpom: 40, NET: 36. Quad 1: 5-9 Quad 2: 8-2 Quad 3: 6-1 Quad 4: 3-0
The only thing Michigan State has going for them is Tom Izzo and his history in March. They are very average on both sides of the ball and will face the 11th most efficient team offensive team in the nation in round 1. If they somehow win that the doors will be blown off by Duke in round 2.
28. USC
Kenpom: 42, NET: 35. Quad 1: 4-4 Quad 2: 5-1 Quad 3: 11-2 Quad 4: 6-0
USC doesn’t really have much upside and get a tough draw against a Miami team that has great guard play. They gurgled on their own sack twice this year with 2 Quad 3 losses. This team does not inspire any confidence and I don’t think they make it past round 1.
The 8 Seeds
29. San Diego State
Kenpom: 22, NET: 25. Quad 1: 5-8 Quad 2: 5-0 Quad 3: 6-0 Quad 4: 7-0
This team is ranked second in defensive efficiency, which could propel them to a few wins. This round 1 game vs. Creighton might be borderline unwatchable if the Big East Championship was any indication of the scoring we can expect. Despite their poor offense, this team has a chance to make some noise based on their defense alone. If they get into a couple close 50/50 games they can make a run to the Elite Eight.
30. Boise St.
Kenpom: 26, NET: 29. Quad 1: 6-3 Quad 2: 7-3 Quad 3: 7-0 Quad 4: 6-1
There is not too much that stands out for this team. They are top 20 in defensive efficiency, but I don’t think that is enough to get them past a difficult first round matchup with Memphis. They struggle to score at only 68 ppg and have a horrific Quad 4 loss on their resume.
31. UNC
Kenpom: 29, NET: 32. Quad 1: 3-8 Quad 2: 3-0 Quad 3: 13-0 Quad 4: 5-1
This team is getting hot at the right time, having won 6 or their past 7, including a slapping of Duke in Coach K’s final home game. Holy shit what a win that was. They have enough talent to beat any team in the tournament. Caleb Love is scoring 15.4 ppg and they shoot 36.2% as a team. This team is beating Baylor but losing Kentucky in the Elite 8.
32. Seton Hall
Kenpom: 35, NET: 37. Quad 1: 6-7 Quad 2: 3-3 Quad 3: 8-0 Quad 4: 3-0
Seton Hall is going to have to rely on their defense if they want to win a game. They are kind of horse ass at anything besides that. I’m having a hard time seeing anything about this team that inspires a run. They should beat TCU in round 1 but then will get slapped by Arizona.
The 9 Seeds
33. Memphis
Kenpom: 28, NET: 31. Quad 1: 5-3 Quad 2: 3-4 Quad 3: 8-2 Quad 4: 5-0
This is an average team coming off a slapping from Houston in their conference championship. Again, there isn’t much that inspires a deep run with this team. A lot would have to go right. I have them losing to Gonzaga in round 2.
34. TCU
Kenpom: 38, NET: 45. Quad 1: 8-8 Quad 2: 2-4 Quad 3: 4-0 Quad 4: 6-0
This team’s strength is on defense, where they are ranked 24th in efficiency. Seton Hall is a very similar team to TCU. Neither of these teams is beating Arizona in round 2, but TCU is not getting past round 1.
35. Marquette
Kenpom: 47, NET: 43. Quad 1: 5-7 Quad 2: 5-5 Quad 3: 4-0 Quad 4: 5-0
Marquette shit on Villanova twice and played a significant amount of Quad 1 games, going 5-7. I’m staying with the Big East gurgles its own sack narrative. UNC is playing well right now and Marquette won’t make it past the first round.
36. Creighton
Kenpom: 53, NET: 55. Quad 1: 7-6 Quad 2: 4-4 Quad 3: 6-1 Quad 4: 5-0
I already went over this above, but the Big East Championship was the worst thing I’ve seen in my fucking life. Creighton’s offense is 124th and they have 11 losses, including 4 Quad 2s and a Quad 3.
The 10 Seeds
37. San Francisco
Kenpom: 21, NET: 22. Quad 1: 4-6 Quad 2: 5-2 Quad 3: 5-0 Quad 4: 9-1
This team is rated much higher than their seed. Coach Todd Golden has them launching 3s and playing great defense. If this team was playing anyone besides Kentucky in round 2 I would think about it. They are losing that game.
38. Loyola Chicago
Kenpom: 24, NET: 23. Quad 1: 3-2 Quad 2: 5-4 Quad 3: 7-1 Quad 4: 9-0
Again, this team is underrated based on any of their ratings. It can be hard to get a read on these mid-major schools, but Loyola went 3-2 against Quad 1 teams. They are simply better than a 10 seed and I’m not sure how some of these other shit teams got seeded ahead of them. They are top 10 in the nation in 3P% at 38.3% and are extremely balanced scoring-wise. This team can beat Villanova and meet Tennessee in the Sweet 16.
39. Davidson
Kenpom: 41, NET: 38. Quad 1: 2-2 Quad 2: 4-2 Quad 3: 9-1 Quad 4: 11-0
I keep seeing them hyped as a matchup vs. Duke. They don’t have any dick stain Quad 4 losses and have 2 Quad 1 wins. They are one of the worst teams in the field on defense, holy shit they fucking suck. They have the 11th most efficient offense, but I’m not sure that will matter with how bad their defense is. Foster Loyer, the Lawyer. This guy transferred from Michigan State, was Mr. Basketball in Michigan, and has revenge on his mind. He is going to bring his cock out of his shorts this Friday. He shoots 44.5% from three and when he gets going they will not be able to stop him. I have Davidson losing to Texas Tech after spoiling Coach K’s farewell tour.
40. Miami
Kenpom: 62, NET: 62. Quad 1: 4-3 Quad 2: 5-4 Quad 3: 9-3 Quad 4: 5-0
Miami is another team with a dog dick defense, but they have the 17th most efficient offense. I am aware that I just got done berating Davidson for having a shit defense, but Miami has good guard play and they play an overrated USC team. Miami loses in round 2 to Auburn.
The 11 Seeds
41. Virginia Tech
Kenpom: 23, NET: 27. Quad 1: 3-5 Quad 2: 6-5 Quad 3: 7-2 Quad 4: 7-0
Virginia Tech made the run of glory in the ACC tournament, shitting on Duke’s face for the final stamp. They are top 20 in the nation in offensive efficiency and are one of the hottest teams in the tournament. VT shoots 39.3% from 3, which is 3rd in the nation. This team is hot and they can keep it rolling in the tourney. They have Texas then Purdue before they’d meet Kentucky in the Sweet 16, where they likely lose.
42. Michigan
Kenpom: 33, NET: 34. Quad 1: 5-10 Quad 2: 3-3 Quad 3: 6-1 Quad 4: 3-0
I don’t know how this team made it in. They have 14 losses, including 3 Quad 2 and a Quad 3. This team fucking sucks. I don’t have anything else on them. There is no chance they win in round 1.
43. Iowa State
Kenpom: 48, NET: 49. Quad 1: 9-8 Quad 2: 1-4 Quad 3: 2-0 Quad 4: 8-0
This team is horrific on offense but has a top 10 defense that will have to carry them. They started out the year hot and if they regain some of that form they have an outside chance to beat LSU in round 1. The one thing they have going for them in this game is that LSU had some massive changes/exits on their coaching staff late in the season.
44. Notre Dame
Kenpom: 52, NET: 52. Quad 1: 2-8 Quad 2: 2-1 Quad 3: 11-1 Quad 4: 6-0
Notre Dame went 0-4 on neutral courts this year and 2-8 vs. Quad 1 teams. They will need almost everything to go right in order to not get shit on after they inevitably beat Rutgers.
45. Rutgers
Kenpom: 74, NET: 77. Quad 1: 6-6 Quad 2: 3-4 Quad 3: 4-2 Quad 4: 5-1
Also an 11 seed and I’m not even going to write anything on them because they will not make it out of the play-in games. I saw them play.
The 12 Seeds
46. Indiana
Kenpom: 36, NET: 39. Quad 1: 4-8 Quad 2: 4-4 Quad 3: 5-1 Quad 4: 7-0
I turned on the end of Indiana-Rutgers and it hurt my eyes to watch. I saw a punch thrown, some horrific shooting and I can’t even remember who won. They have a good defense but this team is not making it out of the first round. They fucking suck.
47. UAB
Kenpom: 46, NET: 49. Quad 1: 2-1 Quad 2: 3-2 Quad 3: 8-3 Quad 4: 12-1
You’re going to want to write this name down. Jordan “Jelly Cock” Walker. UAB has a top 30 offense and is coached by tournament veteran Andy Kennedy. They have a bad first-round draw against one of the best 5 seeds of all time, but Houston is missing their leading scorer. That opens the window just enough for Jelly Cock to bring the python snake out of his sock holster. He is 14th in the nation in scoring at 20.4 ppg and shoots 40.6%. When you see this guy launching 3s from the logo you are going to realize what a huge mistake you’ve made not picking them. This team has the makings of a Cinderella squad and everything is lining up for them to make a run to the Sweet 16. If there is a Cash God Guarantee, this is it.
48. Wyoming
Kenpom: 58, NET: 50. Quad 1: 4-5 Quad 2: 7-1 Quad 3: 3-2 Quad 4: 10-0
Wyoming plays Indiana in the play-in game. Indiana sucks their own dick on a regular basis so this should be an easy win. They are on the fringe of average on both sides of the ball, but won’t win their round 1 game against St. Mary’s.
49. New Mexico St.
Kenpom: 81, NET: 79. Quad 1: 2-0 Quad 2: 4-2 Quad 3: 9-2 Quad 4: 8-2
New Mexico State seems to make the tournament a lot, but they are not a good team this year. They get a very tough draw in round 1 against UConn. I’ve said this before, but they will need a lot to go their way to have any chance of winning. They are in the 80s and 70s in offensive and defensive efficiency. They should lose in round 1.
50. Richmond
Kenpom: 83, NET: 82. Quad 1: 0-2 Quad 2: 6-9 Quad 3: 10-0 Quad 4: 6-1
Richmond is ass shit on defense. They have 0 Quad 1 wins and a Quad 4 loss. This is not where you’d look for an upset. They will not make it out of round 1 despite a draw against Iowa.
The 13 Seeds
51. Vermont
Kenpom: 59, NET: 52. Quad 1: 0-1 Quad 2: 1-1 Quad 3: 7-2 Quad 4: 19-1
I saw a few minutes of this team play in their conference championship and they had their fucking dicks out. This team is more likely to upset a team than any of the dogshit 12 seeds (outside of UAB of course). They are above average in offensive efficiency and shit down their opponent’s throats in the conference tournament like they were a powerhouse. Ryan Davis, a 6’8″ forward that shoots 42% from 3 and scores 17.2 ppg, will carry this team. Vermont is beating Arkansas in round 1 and UConn in round 2, losing to Gonzaga in the sweet 16.
52. South Dakota State
Kenpom: 71, NET: 65. Quad 1: 0-2 Quad 2: 2-0 Quad 3: 13-1 Quad 4: 13-1
SDSU is the worst team in the field on defense but they are number 12 in offensive efficiency. They won 30 games and have the firepower to beat a dogshit Providence team that does not belong as a 4 seed. This is an easy upset pick. This is the best 3 point shooting team in the country at 45%. They are lead by Douglas Wilson who scores 16.5 ppg. They’re going to the Sweet 16.
53. Chattanooga
Kenpom: 72, NET: 64. Quad 1: 1-2 Quad 2: 3-0 Quad 3: 11-2 Quad 4: 10-3
Chattanooga has 3 Quad 4 losses. There is not much to say about them. Below average on both sides of the ball. They kinda fucking suck. They’ll be losing in round 1.
54. Akron
Kenpom: 131 NET: 127. Quad 1: 0-2 Quad 2: 2-1 Quad 3: 4-4 Quad 4: 16-2
I know we are on the 13 seeds, but this is a really bad one. They don’t score or defend well – I’m not really sure how they made it in the field. They will not make it past round 1.
The 14 Seeds
55: Colgate
Kenpom: 119, NET: 128. Quad 1: 0-2 Quad 2: 1-0 Quad 3: 1-6 Quad 4: 20-3
Get the fucking toothpaste out. This team shoots the second-highest percentage from 3 this year at 40%. They get the worst 3 seed of all time in Wisconsin. They are very balanced scoring – they just fucking whip 3s. This team is winning round 1 and losing to LSU in round 2. It’s the easiest upset pick of round 1.
56. Montana St.
Kenpom: 125, NET: 120. Quad 1: 0-2 Quad 2: 0-2 Quad 3: 2-4 Quad 4: 13-6
They played a lot of terrible teams and somehow lost 2 of those games. They don’t have the skill on offense or defense (ranked in the 100s in both offensive and defensive efficiency) to win a game. They’re losing in round 1.
57. Longwood
Kenpom: 144, NET: 126. Quad 1: 0-1 Quad 2: 0-1 Quad 3: 4-2 Quad 4: 18-2
I’m tempted to pick this team on name alone. Longcock. They don’t have anything going for them outside of their name. They will not make it out of round 1.
58. Yale
Kenpom: 147, NET: 147. Quad 1: 0-4 Quad 2: 1-1 Quad 3: 4-5 Quad 4: 12-1
The only reason this team has a chance at winning round 1 is if the Big 10 slab narrative is really a thing. Otherwise, they’ll get fucking shit on by Purdue.
The 15/16 Seeds
59. St. Peters (Kenpom: 118, NET: 124)
60. Delaware (Kenpom: 145, NET: 137)
61. Jacksonville State (Kenpom: 146, NET: 142)
62. Cal State Fullerton (Kenpom: 149, NET: 153)
63. Georgia State (Kenpom: 151, NET: 159)
64. Norfolk State (Kenpom: 168, NET: 156)
65. Wright State (Kenpom: 182, NET: 191)
66. Bryant (Kenpom: 183, NET: 200)
67. Texas Southern (Kenpom: 188, NET: 197)
68. Texas A&M Corpus Chris (Kenpom: 243, NET: 241)
Efficiency ratings all per Kenpom.com.
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The Cash God 