WCG Dell Technologies Match Play Preview: Shit Chest 2.0


Sometimes you take a stand and lose. That happened to me in a big way this past week. Some say variance some say bad luck. Let’s just say going 100% Jason Cockrack did not end well. It seemed like he was one of the only golfers bogeying holes so I’m not sure what the fuck happened.

Viktor Hovland appeared to have exploding diarrhea on the course and somehow still made the cut. He was not running to his ball here, he’s running to Odell who’s waiting patiently in the stall, shirtless.

I’m going to get right into the plays this week. There has been a lot of chatter about this Match Play shit. I don’t think I need to go too far into it, but if you’re building multiple lineups just make sure you don’t have everyone from the same part of the bracket. I’ll post a screenshot of my completed bracket at the end. A question for the readers before we begin: Is Jason Cockrack the most dangerous 27 seed of all time?

In the $10k+ range, the 2 best plays are Scheffler and Hovland. Despite the video above, Hovland is playing the best golf of his career with 3 top 10 finishes (2 of those top 5) in his last 4 events. I have him winning this week. Perhaps there is a new chest shitter in town.

Scheffler has a fairly weak quadrant of the bracket (no Gooch, no Cockrack, etc) and he’s been completely dicks out lately, even more dicks out than Hovland. He finished second at this event last year and has 2 wins in his past 4 events this year. Poultergeist is always good at Match Play events (47-19-5 career record) so I expect him to be tested in round 1, but he won’t be sweating again until he runs into Shane the Brain in the Final 4. Here’s Scheffler waking up worrying about Poultergeist, maybe even catching a glimpse of the footlong the Geist occasionally uses as his putter:

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There is only one golfer I like in the $9k range, and it’s Daniel Burger. He has 2 top 10 finishes in his last 5 events. He’s in the Scheffler quadrant, so a weak quadrant overall outside of Scottie. I expect him to play well, but lose to Scheffler in the quarterfinals.

The only other note I have for this range is actually a question. When are we going to stop hearing about DeShambles and his fucking injuries? The guy cannot stop gurgling on his own balls for one week.

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In the $8k range, it’s all about the brain. Shane the fucking Brain Lowry. He has played some of the best golf out of anyone on tour with 4 top 15 finishes in his past 5 events (including a runner-up at the Honda Classic). I have him making a deep run and finishing third.

There are two plays in the $7k range and they may be familiar. Do not be afraid to play the fucking hits. Their names are Jason Cockrack and Mr. Gooch. Cockrack played like shit at Valspar. Maybe the pressure got to him, but either way, he is in line for a big week at low ownership (6%).

Mr. Gooch has missed the cut in 2 of his past 3 events, but don’t let that fool you. One of those was the monsoon round in Florida. Outside of that, he has been playing well and I expect a big-time bounce back. He will provide an immediate challenge to Dust Johnson in Round 2 (He’s also in the DeShambles group so it should be an easy Round 1). I ultimately have him losing in the quarterfinals to the buzz-saw Shane the Brain.

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I didn’t pick any $6k golfers to advance, but that doesn’t mean they are unplayable. As I mentioned above, if there is one that has the experience and course history to do it, it’s Ian fucking Poultergeist. The ghoul has 2 top 10 finishes at this event in the past 3 years and has actually been playing well this year with 4 straight made cuts.

The other play is Seamus Power Hour. He has never played in a Match Play event, but made the cut in a tough field at The Players last time he played and is in a very weak round 1 group with Cantplay, Im and Keith Mitchell. Seamus emerging after round 1:

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It’s time for the CGG. Many are calling him the Match Play god (19-8 career record). This week it’s Alex Noren. Not only does he have 2 top 5 finishes at this event, but he also has made 5 straight cuts this year. The iron is fucking hot. Some will say I did not learn my lesson last week with 100% Cockrack, but I’m doing it again this week with Noren. This is the week I get it right.

See my complete bracket below. I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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