Last week, I went a little light on lineups in preparation for The Masters. I got completely fucked by Rory and The Jizzer Kizzire. I was going to save it for later in the article but it needs to be said. Rory’s performance was an embarrassment to his career and the sport of golf. I’m going into the tournament thinking he was almost a guaranteed top 10 and it was just a matter of him winning it or not. I was wrong, it turns out he repeatedly smashed his fucking sack with a club handle and somehow didn’t make the cut. There really isn’t much else to say except that I won’t be clicking on him again for a long, long time. I found this video of Rory:

It’s time for the plays.

Looking at the $10k range there are a couple guys that stand out. A few things- Scheffler is clearly on fire/maybe a bit overpriced, there are some high ownership projections on Justin Thomas for whatever reason (Phill the Thrill’s caddie, etc) and I already gave my thoughts on Rory above. I’ll only play 2 from this section and the names are Jon Rahm and Collin Morikawa.

Rahm is bound to win at Augusta one of these times. He has been within a dick width his last 4 tournaments here with 4 straight top 10 finishes. This is the year.

Morikawa is a simple leeeeeeeverage play who seems to be getting overlooked by the field. He played like absolute shit at Valspar and missed the cut at The Players, but he finished second at Riviera amongst a good field before that so there’s reason to believe he can bounce back.

This time, we got it right on Hidicki. He withdrew again with another neck injury. Hinecki. Having slandered him enough, I will say that he had one of the best Masters dinners of all time lined up. I’m playing 0 of Hinecki this week as a result of his fucking neck along with his price.

The fade of the week for me is in the $9k range. It’s Jordan Spieth. I don’t give a shit about his course history. We don’t need to look further than him gurgling on his dick while he missed 2 short putts to know that he is completely fucked. His ownership projection is not aligned with his current form or his price. He hasn’t finished in the Top 25 in any of his last 5 events. Here is Spieth looking at the shit stain (somewhat proudly) he left on the green while missing those putts:

The only golfer I like in this range is Xander Schauffele. If you want to talk about a guy that has good course history, look at Xander. Everyone is jacking off Justin Thomas, Spieth, etc, but we should really be playing Xander. He will be a lower price and lower ownership. He has two top 5 finishes in his last 3 Masters.

https://giphy.com/gifs/travisband-travis-masturbation-fran-healy-kmA6ZCXrqkOwAvPfdQ

$8k is where it begins to get interesting. I got a text from Tiger that I’ll share here:

The way I’m reading that is fade at your own risk.

My favorite play in this $8k range is Louis Oosthuizen. He has 4 straight top 30 finishes including a 12th place finish in 2018. He knows the course well and is set up for a great weekend.

The other play I like is Tyrrell Hatton. He might be playing the best golf of his career with 2 top 10s and 5 straight made cuts. He’s kind of gurgled sack at Augusta overall but has played there enough to be very familiar with the course. He finished 18th there last year.

The third one is Talor Gooch. I heard way too much slander throughout the week about how his price is too high. “Did the DK algo break?”. He will be taking his Gooch out of his shorts, dragging it on some foreheads, and proving everyone wrong in his Master debut.

The best play in the $7k range is Paul Casey. He has good course history, with 4 made cuts in his past 5 Masters. He finished 3rd just a month ago in a strong field at The Players. His ownership projection is half that of Corey Conners for the same price. I don’t see why he isn’t the better play.

The other play I like is Patrick Reed. I keep hammering the course history shit, but this guy just brings his dick out every year at Augusta. He won in 2018 and has 2 top 10 finishes in 3 years since then. You’ll be able to get him at extremely low ownership.

My last two here are Webb Simpson and Jason Cockrack. Webb has 4 straight made cuts at Augusta, including a 12th place finish, a top 10, and a top 5. He will also be underowned relative to his price and recent form. I heard some chatter that he watched Tiger Woods’ win 50 times and I assume he was stroking his fucking dick each time. I know I would be.

Cockrack is a staple again this week. His ownership is nearly negative and he has 4 made cuts in his last 5 tournaments. He made the cut at Augusta last year. Playing him will give you extreme leverage on the field. I stumbled upon a clip of this mummy predicting the Masters winner:

I don’t know who Gary Woodcock disrespected at Draftkings to deserve the price of $6.9k, but that is egregious. I might lock him in. He is playing extremely well with 3 top 10s in his last 5 tournaments. He hasn’t had his best played his best at the Masters but has played it enough to have a solid course history and he’s made 2 of the last 3 cuts at the event.

The other play I like in the $6k range is Kevin Kisner. He has 2 top 5s in the past 3 tournaments, but has missed the cut his last two times at Augusta. I’m not too worried about his shaky recent history, he’s playing great golf right now and should be able to play well this week.

It’s time for the Masters CGG. This week it’s Viktor Hovland. He has 3 top 10s (including a runner-up at API) in his last 5 tournaments and has played at Augusta twice. He has as good of a chance to win it as any of these other $10k golfers and he will be much less owned. Similar to Webb Simpson watching Tiger, I plan on watching Hovland’s about 50 times, dick in hand after he wins me the million this weekend.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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