I have said this a few times lately, but this last week was truly the worst one yet. I wake up to Paul Casey having already withdrawn. 25% of my lineups instantly fucked. That shitter was just there to take pictures with the grass or something because it was all smiles on Wednesday then he didn’t even take a fucking swing on Thursday.

I thought I could maybe survive that, but no, Gary Woodcock had to have gotten his dick ripped off by a passing lawn mower to kill another 75% of my lineups. He had a worse score (+8) than the oldest geezer at the tournament.

I’d like to take a victory lap on Mr. Gooch. He placed 14th amid all of the Draftkings algo chatter bullshit last week.

To top it all off Rory got 2nd place. I’ve decided that he is the Kirk Cousins of golf. He plays his best when there is absolutely nothing on the line.

It’s time for the plays.

The top choice in the $10k range is Patrick Cantplay. Thomas and Morikawa are going to be guzzling chalk and there is no chance I’m playing Uncle Dust Johnson. Cantplay has good course history despite whatever happened last year (missed the fucking cut). He has 2 top 3 finishes (2019 and 2017) and a top 10. Cantplay unleashing his snake on the field this year once again:

It’s time for Dick Berger. He is the best play by far in the $9k range. He is 3/3 on cuts here including a 3rd place finish in 2020. He is projected to be one of the lowest owned $9k golfers, but is seemingly the best value in this entire range.

The other plays I like here are Joaquin Niemann, who has a fifth place finish here in 2020, and Sungjae Im.

In 2 of the 3 times Im has played here, tragedy has struck. His rib was forcibly removed and he began to suck his own dick in both cases. He’s been in good form recently though with 4 straight made cuts and an 8th place finish at The Masters last week. I have nothing to say about Spieth except that I got it right last week, he’s broken.

This week it’s all about playing the hits. My favorite plays in the $8k range are Tyrell Hatton and Alex Noren.

It seems like I am clicking Tyrell Hatton every week at this point, but he’s playing the best golf of his career and has a third-place finish at this tournament in 2020. I don’t know how you avoid him this week. Sometimes you just need to ride the hot hand.

I am back on Alex Noren. Like Hatton, he’s been fucking slapping lately with 5 straight made cuts including two top 20 finishes and 5th place finish at the Honda Classic a few weeks ago. Live look at my bank account once these guys finally pay off this week:

In the $7k range it was tough to narrow it down. All 3 of the plays are attempted leverage plays off of a chalky Hadwin. Before these 3 plays I will say that Cockrack will be in my lineups. I am bursting at the fucking seams trying not to mention his name in every article, but he’s pretty much always in play.

The first play is Brian Harman. He’s played here the last 5 years and has 2 top 25 finishes and a top 10. He missed the cut last week at Augusta, but finished 5th at Valspar and made the cut at The Players. This is a weaker field this week so I expect him to be great value at this price.

I’ve never played Mito Pereira before, but this is the week that the Pereinis comes out of my fucking shorts. As mentioned above, this might be one of the best leverage plays off of a projected 20% owned Adam Hadwin. The one concern is that he has never played in this tournament, but he’s coming off a few strong finishes (T13 at the Valero Texas Open and T27 at Valspar).

My favorite play here is Kevin “Steel Pole” Streelman. He has 4/5 made cuts in his last 5 events (including a top 10 finish at Valspar. The real value is his course history – he has finished in the top 10 twice in 4 years at this tournament. It’s time for him to bring out his steel pole this weekend.

The first play in the $6k range is Michael Thompson ($6.5k). He has 4 straight made cuts here, somehow including 2 top 10s. His ownership is nearly in the negatives. This is one of the best plays in the dumpster.

The second play in this range is Brian Stuard. He was the sack gurgler in his last event (Valero Texas Open), but has 5 made cuts in a row in this tournament and 2 finishes in the top 20.

Narrative street is in full force this week. It does not get any better than Matthew NeSmith, the inventor of basketball. There are rumors that he was born on the fucking course here. He’s shit a brick 2 of the last 3 weeks this year but is 2/2 on cuts at this tournament.

It’s time for the CGG. It’s Webby Simpson. I’m not sure how or why Webby is under $9k, but he is and we have to play him at that price. He’s 5/5 on cuts at this event with 3 top 10s and a win. I may end up guzzling a small amount of chalk here, but the play is too good to pass up. It’s time for the webs to be unleashed from his dick. It’s time for a CGG to hit.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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