Going into the weekend I thought I had finally done it. I had 32/150 lineups that were 6/6, but I seemingly overlooked the K.H. Lee narrative that has him winning the tournament every year and Munoz began to viciously shit onto his own face on Sunday. I also didn’t play any Spieth, Xander, or Matsuyama so I ended up bringing my sack to the gurgle zone for most of the final portion of the weekend.

As you all know, it’s always tough to keep the erection corralled within the waistband when watching highlights of Tiger’s practice rounds as the hype builds throughout the week, but this week it’s been tougher than ever:

It’s time for the plays. We have all heard by now that the course is longer than a whale’s cock so I don’t need to say it again. The only other thing to note is that the top 70 make the cut so some ass burglars will slip in on the back end.

Let me just start off by saying I will gladly fade Rory at $10k and 15% ownership. The two in the $10k+ range I won’t fade are Rahm and Scheffler. It may seem like I am making it easy and just picking the two top golfers, but these two are clearly the top in the world and the course is going to be fairly difficult. Differentiating can be done elsewhere (Cockrack for example). Scheffler has 3 wins in his last 5 events and Rahm is coming off of a win in Mexico, there’s no overthinking it. Play the fucking hits. Here’s a leaked picture of Rahm’s bed:

One of my favorite plays in the entire field is in the $9k range ($9.7k). It’s time to bring Cameron Smith back out of the garage like the Ferrari that’s been waiting there all winter. I’m going to chalk up his bed-shitting missed cut at RBC Heritage to a tight finish at the Masters the week prior. Is everyone forgetting that he had 3 top 5 finishes in 4 weeks, including a victory at The Players in March?

The other play in this range is Brooks Koepka. He’s being overlooked and will be unowned. He withdrew last week and missed the cut at both the Masters and The Players, but if there is ever a week to bounce back it is this one. As they say, his dick doesn’t get hard for anything less than a major. Here is Brooks looking down to see what knocked the ball off the tee:

In the $8k range, it’s time to get the grill out and cook some fucking burgers. Daniel Berger has made 5 cuts in his last 5 events, including a T13 at The Players in March. Everyone has finally cooled off on him a bit. For a while, it felt like he was 20% each week and you were just guzzling chalk like it was coming from a fire hose.

The other play I like here is Max Homa. He won the Wells Fargo Championship two weeks ago, finished T48 at the Masters, and T13 at The Players. He’s made 5 straight cuts and is one of the best values at the bottom of the $8k range ($8.1k). If the Barstool guys don’t gurgle on his sack all week maybe we will be able to get him at lower ownership.

When I say we are playing the fucking hits this week I mean all the fucking hits. These next two are like clockwork.

The first is Talor Gooch. Get your Gooch out. Legend has it that Gooch was actually born on the 17th green here. He then went to college at Oklahoma State and is now ready to take his gooch out of his pants in the winner’s circle. He is the only golfer in the field from Oklahoma (Fowler and Hovland went to Oklahoma State). He’s coming off of a missed cut at AT&T Byron Nelson but finished 14th in his first Masters a month ago. At $7.4k you cannot beat this play.

The next is a name is a household name around here. It’s Jason fucking Cockrack. He’s playing as well as ever right now and, as usual, he’s underpriced. He’s coming off of a T17 last week, finished T14 at the Masters, and T53 at The Players. Cockrack knows exactly how to navigate big events and will not let his garden-hose of a dick get in the way. He’s simply a great play this week (<10% owned) and I expect him to be right in the mix all weekend on a course that fits his game extremely well.

The drop off is a bit steep once we start looking into these $6k scrubs, but there are a few plays in here that I like.

The first is Cameron Champ. I’m not sure I’ve ever played him before, but this is the week. It’s a bit concerning that he sucked so much of his sack at The Players, but back-to-back top 10 finishes at the Masters and in Mexico were enough to prove to me that he is fucking back. He is one of the top plays in the $6k range this week.

We are going Seabass fishing this week. It’s time to run it back with Sebastian Munoz. He was completely dicks out last week and has been playing some of the best golf of his career lately. This course is going to be “slightly” more difficult than last week’s birdie contest, but he is still a bit underpriced at $6.8k and finished T33 at The Players in a strong field. I don’t want to hear anything like, “Cash God, you are chasing points”. I will chase points on a guy that is priced under $7k. Seabass and I fish slapping the field this week:

It’s time for the CGG. This week it’s Dusty Johnson. I don’t know that I have ever advised playing this dustball, but at a projected 6% ownership and a sub $10k price, it’s a deal you simply cannot pass up. He’s been largely dog shit in his last 2 events but finished T12 at the Masters and T9 at The Players in similar strength fields to the one we will see this week. The drop-off in price and ownership is too much, he’s the best play this week and great leverage off of chalk guzzlers Xander, Hideki, and Cantplay. Here’s Dustin and I celebrating a victory this weekend (Dustin is in the crowd):

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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