I ended up getting completely fucked last week. I had a few lineups that were in the mix on Sunday, but I had way too much Bigdicki and Morikawa to profit. Who the fuck allowed Bigdicki to have that painted club in his bag? I don’t understand how that made it through the process and then he somehow actually used it to hit a ball. I was hearing throughout the weekend that it was Patrick Reed who tipped off tournament officials. Thanks, Patrick. I found a leaked video of Reed walking over to Tour officials to let them know.

It’s time for the plays.

There is nothing-not even a good morning whack-that brings me more satisfaction than clicking the exclude button on Rory’s sorry ass to start my lineup building process. Seeing his name vanish from the pool is how I imagine it feels to have Tiger Woods slip the green jacket onto your back after winning the Masters.

The $10k range is a bit difficult the week before a major tournament. I assume some of these guys are just kinda out there practicing shots and shit rather than actually trying to win. Justin Thomas and Rory are going to be two of the highest owned golfers in the field so it’s time to go to Scheffler once again. He won’t be too much lower though. Outside of using his mouth like a vacuum to clean his own dick at the PGA Championship he has 2 wins, a second place, and a T15 in his last 5 events. There still isn’t a better play each week.

The next play I like here is Cam Smith. He hasn’t had his best 3 weeks, but still finished with back to back T13s. I’m going to chalk up his missed cut at RBC Heritage to the Masters hangover. He has a win at THE PLAYERS and a T3 at the Masters this year and is projected to be one of the lowest owned golfers in this range for seemingly no reason. Aaron Wise had no intention of playing in this tournament after being drilled in the dome by one of Cam Smith’s shots at the PGA Championship so Cam will have to find someone else to get.

Am I the only one audibly asking “What the fuck is that HV3 price?” after taking a scroll through the $9ks?

My favorite play here is Tyrrell Hatton. He has made 9 straight cuts, including 2 top 30s in his past 3 events (one being a T13 at the PGA Championship 3 weeks ago). If you want chalk drained down your fucking throat then Conners is the guy to play here. Hatton is a direct pivot and is one of the best plays on the slate.

Get your rods out and meet me at the dock. We are going Seabass fishing. Sebastian Munoz appears to be the most overlooked golfer in this range by far at less than 10% owned. He has also made 9 straight cuts with a T3 at a birdie fest in the AT&T Byron Nelson. If this turns into a similar scoring tournament he will be the play of the slate. I’m ready to reel in a fucking hog of a sea bass this weekend.

Open the door and wheel the PJ out of the fucking hangar. We are gassing up the jet once again this week and going to Vegas. Jhonattan has been playing well outside of a sack gurgling at the PGA Championship. He has made 6 cuts in his last 7 events, including a T37 last week in a very tough field at the Memorial Tournament and a T15 at the Wells Fargo Championship a month ago. He has not had any lingering effects from wrist surgery in April. I assume he’s lowered the number of times he jacks off per day so that the injury doesn’t occur again. Jhonattan, I know your plight.

The other $8k golfer I like is C.T. “Peter” fucking Pan. Keep in mind that his last two finishes (T53 and T52) were in tough fields on two tough courses. This week is a much weaker field-more similar to where he finished T15 at the Wells Fargo Championship a month ago. I expect him to be a great play this week. Live shot of me on Sunday trying to figure out if I took Viagra or I’m watching C.T. play:

The $7k range is going to be extremely important this week. The first play I like is Matthias “Charles” Schwab. He made the cut two weeks ago at the tournament that was named after him but then began the gurgling treatment on himself and shot a 75 on Sunday. He finished T57. He’s made 6 cuts in his last 7 events though, including a top 10 finish at the Valero Texas Open in April. He is in a good spot to bounce back after a tough weekend and will be under 10% owned.

The other play I like in this range is Dylan Frittelli. He has 9 straight made cuts and has a T8 at the Valero Texas Open. I’d even go as far as saying he might be underpriced. This week, the $7ks are reserved for the ass shitters, but he seems to be a bit of an outlier. It looks like a lot of the ownership is going towards Adam Svensson so if he ends up under 10% I like the play even more.

I’m going to name a third since it gets very thin in the $6ks this week. David Lipsky is another great play in the $7k range. I thought his ownership would be a bit higher, but he’s projected under 9%, which I can accept. He’s made 5 cuts in his last 6 events and has performed well in similar fields. Here’s a picture of David measuring his dick with his club:

My favorite play in the $6ks is Wyndham Clark. He’s made the cut in 6 of the last 8 tournaments, including a T37 last week at the Memorial. You can’t ask for much more out of these $6k guys, especially in a field as dog shit as this one. I expect him to be the best $6k play and under 5%.

The other golfer I like here is Brandon Wu. He’s had some ceiling finishes (T2 in Mexico and T3 at the PR Open) so it’s clear he is not afraid to whip the python around a bit. He’s also made 7 cuts in his last 9 events with one of those being in an extremely tough field at the Memorial last week. These two are the best bargain bin plays of the week by far.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. It’s Shane the fucking brain Lowry. He is still one of the hottest golfers in the field. He kinda shit down his own throat a bit last week (T32-which I consider ass based on his recent play), but has a T23 at the PGA Championship, A T3 at the Masters, and a T3 at RBC Heritage in his last 5 tournaments. I do not anticipate him slowing down in a field that looks like a mangled horse dick. I finally got one right last week with Cantplay finishing T3. Here is a video of me collecting from DK after Shane the brain hits.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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Featured images from Irish Mirror and Golf Magic.