I’m not even sure where to start with the recap this week. Hovland had his sack repeatedly slapped with the flat side of a driver en route to a +7 missed cut. Fleetwood Mac looked like a fucking corpse for two straight days and matched that score. I don’t know that I’ve had a worse week this year. Or ever. I somehow cashed a few of my lineups but it was a massive loss. Here’s a video I found of Fleetwood on the course:

One other note is that I think Rory was on his burner on Reddit because someone in the comments was defending him like he was their firstborn son. I’d have considered shutting down the site had Rory ended up winning, but of course he made a worthless late surge and wasn’t actually in contention so not a drop of a sweat dripped from my fucking balls.

It’s time for this week’s plays.

Speaking of Rory, he’s in the field again and it’s time for our weekly tradition (a tradition unlike any other) of clicking the exclude button. The best comparison I can make is taking a massive shit after holding it for hours. The instant relief is palpable and you feel great once it’s done.

The first play in the top range is Scottie Scheffler. Any thoughts of playing Rory would be better directed at playing Scottie instead. Not only is his dick 5 to 6 inches longer, but he also is projected to be lower owned than Rory. Scheffler has not performed his best at this tournament in the past two years but is coming off of 2 second-place finishes in the last 3 weeks (one of them being at the U.S. Open). He is by far the best top tier play.

I considered Sam Cock Burner here, but he seems a bit overpriced and still is going to be about 10% owned. I’d rather eat a small amount of chalk and go up $400 to Justin Thomas, but I got word this morning that he WD so it’s time to make the move to Xander. He doesn’t have the best history at this tournament, but he finished 20th in 2002 and he’s playing well right now with a win at the Zurich Classic in April, a T5 at Byron Nelson, and 2 top 15 finishes at the PGA Championship and the U.S. Open. I’d have preferred it if JT hadn’t tweaked his back while piping after his PGA championship win, but Xander is a great play as well. This is me walking out the door on Monday morning after using one arm a significant amount over the weekend.

It looks like Koepka jumped ship to LIV. Not much really changes from a DFS perspective as he was a sack of shit in tournaments outside of the majors. At this point was pretty much unplayable in those as well.

I got completely dick dusted on Fleetwood Mac last week but I’m ready to go back to the well. He hasn’t played in this event since 2019 and dragged his ballsack over hot coals last week at the U.S. Open (missed cut), but still has a T5 finish at the PGA Championship, a T10 at RBC Heritage, and a T14 at the Masters this year. He is in great form and I expect a bounce-back at around 10% ownership. As we like to say around here, sometimes bad variance hits.

The other play I like in this range is Joaquin Niemann. He made the cut last week but ended up calling Odell for a face-shitting appointment over the weekend and finished +9. Outside of his WD at the Zurich Classic, he’s made 7 straight cuts, has 3 top 25s, and a T3 at the Memorial Tournament earlier this month. He finished T5 at this tournament in 2019 and is due for another top 10 finish. Joaquin to Rory right before he hits him in the sack with a club after he won’t shut the fuck up during his back swing:

Jason Day is fucking back. He’s finding his form again as of late with 5 straight made cuts, including a T10 (Zurich Classic) and a T15 (Wells Fargo Championship). He also has a great history at this event with 2 top 10s in the past 3 years. He’s a bit overlooked and projected at around 7% ownership. I see no reason why he can’t unleash the garden hose this week and contend.

The next play I like here is Mito Pereira. He will be a little higher owned than I’d like at around 16% and missed the cut last week, but before that, he had 2 top 10 finishes in 3 weeks (one of them being at the PGA Championship). He doesn’t appear to be rattled by the dick-blowing of a lifetime at the PGA Championship and should be able to bounce back from his missed cut and be in the mix to win this week.

The first play in the $7ks is Christiaan Bezuidenhout. The concern with him is that he doesn’t really finish in the top 10, but he has been making cuts regularly lately (7 of his last 8) and finished T15 in his last tournament (Charles Schwab Challenge). At $7.8k a top 15 finish would be plenty to get my dick hard on Sunday.

Unlike Christiaan, Aaron Rai Bread actually finishes in the top 10. He is my favorite play in the $7k range by far. He’s also made 7 of his last 8 cuts with a T4 at the Zurich Classic in April and a T13 at the RBC Canadian Open earlier this month. He is one of the top plays in the entire field and I’ll be balls fucking deep.

I’m jumping on the wagon. It’s time to play Chris Gotterup. I’m not sure it’s good to play a 5% $6k scrub, but this is the week I do it. He made the cut at the U.S. Open last week (only shot one stroke worse than fucking Hovland) and has a top 10 finish at the Puerto Rico Open in what is his first year as a pro.

I might like these two $6k plays more than any other play I’ve mentioned. Bundle up your fucking cash we are heading to the local Charles Schwab. Mattias Schwab is by far my favorite play in the shit range. He’s missed 2 cuts in his last 4 events, but don’t let that distract you from how well he has played this year. He’s had 3 top 10s, including one at the Valero Texas Open in early April. I expect him to play well this week and be one of the best value plays on the slate at $6.5k. Me taking a peek at the TV while these two climb the leaderboard on Sunday:

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. I’m back in the well guzzling the water like a fucking camel that is loading up for a trek. It’s Patrick Cantplay. Outside of The Sack Gurgling that occurred at the PGA Championship he has been on an absolute tear with a runner up at RBC Heritage, a win at the Zurich Classic, a T3 at the Memorial Tournament and a T14 at the U.S. Open last week. I think we can safely say he jacked it a little too vigorously the night prior to the PGA Championship because he was inexplicably off his game. He has 4 straight top 15s at the Travelers Championship and is one of the best plays in the entire field. The JT news bumped his ownership up quite a bit but he’s still a great play. Cantplay in a pre-tournament interview prior to the PGA Championship:

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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