Last week would have been completely dicks out had Kelleher not had his nutsack forcibly inserted into his own mouth by Bautista. There was some chatter about him looking like complete dogshit in the face-off before the fight so maybe I should have taken that more into consideration. Regardless, it was a pretty good result overall getting 5/6 wins. Here’s a video of Kelleher pre-fight:

It’s time for the plays.

It’s Miller time. One of my favorite picks of the week is Jim Miller. Cerrone has been scheduled to be put out to pasture for multiple months in a row now. He had a bout of explosive diarrhea that forced him to cancel a fight. I don’t know whether it’s the geezer narrative, the six straight losses, or being shouldered in the face by McGregor, but I expect this guy to get dick slapped into retirement by Jim Miller. Miller actually got KO’d the first time they fought (2014), but he has been looking extremely crisp lately so I’d consider that ancient history between these two relics of the UFC.

My next play is Jessica-Rose Clark. She will ideally get a lot of control time and some takedowns. She doesn’t really have any good finishes, she normally just lays like a sack of shit. Despite this style, she should still find her way into the optimal lineup. I recommend getting your snacks, fap break, etc then coming back after the early prelims to a 100-point win from her. Her opponent, Julija Stoliarenko, was on a winning streak going into the UFC but faced some absolute ass shit competition and is now 0-4 in the UFC. Stoliarenko is considered an armbar Queen, kinda like Rousey, but much worse. She should not be in the UFC. As long as Clark can avoid the armbar she will win this fight.

I’ll now take a moment to talk a bit about a few fighters in the title fights that you may have actually heard of instead of the rest of these dustballs. The first one is Adesanya vs. Cannoncock. This is a tough fight to pick the underdog (Cannoncock) unless you’re dating Blu of Earth like Aaron Rodgers and are into the earth stone energy crystals. That’s what it would take for me to get behind this +360 underdog who is worse in every way when compared to the champ. Adesanya at $9.4k should be a sprinkle throughout lineups, but he will be highly owned so I definitely won’t be clicking the lock button.

I’m not going to reinvent the wheel on this trilogy fight (Volkanovski vs Holloway). The odds are as tight/efficient as they will ever be given that we’ve seen this matchup twice already and both will be highly owned so I’ll likely be with the field ownership percentage-wise. Volkanovski has dick-slapped (even if the judges didn’t see it that way) Holloway in both of their previous bouts and I don’t expect anything different in this one.

It’s time for a few underdogs.

The first one I like is Uriah Hall. This is one of the biggest underdogs on the card but he has knockout potential going against a guy that has 4 losses via knockout. He has by far the best first-round finish odds of any of the big underdogs (+750). His opponent (Andre Muniz) is the armbar King, similar to the armbar Queen Julija Stoliarenko. Hall has never lost via submission in his career and that will not change this week. He’s knocking Muniz out.

The next play I like is Brad Riddell. He is a very live dog (+125) against a rangy Jalin Turner, who is 6’3 155 lbs. Riddell trains with Carlos Ulbergler, Adesanya, and Volkanovski so I wouldn’t sleep on him in a striking-heavy matchup. They are going for the fucking clean sweep. Riddell is a bit smaller in stature, but definitely not dick length. There have been several rumors that he has had to wind his dick around the back of his shorts to prevent it from slipping out the bottom. At $7.8k and a 21% projected ownership, he is one of the best plays on the slate. Live shot of me celebrating a Riddell win:

Sean Strickland is the last name I’ll mention this week. This fight is as close to a pick’em as you’re going to get on this slate. Dickland’s path to victory is to ragdoll the shit out of Pereira. Pereira is coming over as a kickboxer with limited grappling and MMA experience but is a danger to society when standing. Luckily, Dickland is a danger to anyone in the octagon under all circumstances. He just loves to fight. He provides good leverage off a chalkier Pereira (35%) and will be under 20% owned himself at $7.9k.

I’ll be back next week.

-Cash God-

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