I finally saw some green on Draftkings this past week. Holy shit it was a bad run. Let me first start by saying that Brooks Koepka should never have more than 0% ownership going forward. If there was ever a time for him to not act like a limp, dead penis it was this past weekend. But he was a deflated fucking garden snake Thursday and Friday, missing the cut. Unfortunately, I had 75% so I got completely fucked by that but still somehow ended up close to the field in 6/6 percentage.

It’s time for the plays.

There’s no way around it. This is one of the worst fields of the year. We are going to be pulling some names out this week when we get to the bottom.

I’ll only choose one golfer over $10k this week and it’s Bigdicki Matsuyama. There is really no way to avoid any chalk so you might as well play the best player and it looks like he will actually be less than big Tony. He’s been largely horsecock lately, with a T68 at St. Andrews, a missed cut at the Genesis Scottish Open, and a DQ at the Memorial where he jizzed on his club face. Despite the recent play he has a solo 4th place finish at the U.S. Open in June and finished top ten at the 3M Open in 2019 so there is reason to believe he can go full blown Bigdicki this weekend. The others in Bigdicki’s group watching as he stretches before the round:

It’s Maverick McNealy time. This is seemingly the perfect event for him. He is a bit high priced, but this field is so fucking bad I don’t think it matters much. He’s playing some of his best golf of the season right now coming off of a T9, a T16, and a T8 (he was driving the fucking John Deere). We will be guzzling some chalk at >20%, but he is clearly one of the best plays in the $9k range.

How are there so many fucking Camerons? Am I the only one thinking it? Cameron Triangle is my favorite play in the $8k range. He will be one of the few names under 20% ownerships in these top few price ranges and has played well in this event in the past two years (T3 in 2020 and T16 in 2021). He was dogshit last week at The Open, but was top 10 at the Genesis Scottish Open and has a T14 at the U.S. Open the earlier this year. He fits perfectly in these donkey dick fields and should play well this weekend.

Get the mail to your fucking mailbox. The postman is coming. J.T. Poston is the other play I like in the $8ks. This guy knows how to miss a cut. You don’t really know what you’re going to get with him, but he has tournament-winning upside (John Deere Classic). He has somehow made 3 of his last 5 cuts (the win at John Deere Classic and a T2 at the Travelers Championship). The roller coaster ride will likely keep his ownership low. This is a perfect GPP play this weekend.

C.T. “Peter” Pan is a cut-making machine. The last time I played this guy he fucking WD, but I’m ready to go back to the well again. There isn’t much leverage in this field, but this might be one of those spots at a less than 10% ownership projection. He’s made 8 of his last 9 cuts, including a T15 at the Wells Fargo Championship, so there is a semblance of upside.

I’m going to choose to ignore the dick gurgling that Joohyung Kim performed on himself in the PGA Championship and play him this week. The 20-year-old from South Korea is ready to put the mushroom stamp on the PGA tour. He might end up being a bit chalky, but his price is far too low ($7.3k) for what he’s done so far this year (23rd at the U.S. Open, 3rd at the Genesis Scottish Open and T47 at The Open). I’m all in.

I can hardly contain myself on some of these names. Cole Hammer? Jason Bohn?

I’m going back to Richy Weinereski for the first time in a long time. This guy has been absolute donkey dick this year but if there is ever a tournament for him to right the ship this is the one. He’s actually had 2 good finishes here out of his past 3 (a third place finish in 2020 and a T46 in 2019). He used to be a fucking staple of my lineups and it’s time to dust him off and bring him back out of hiding. He won’t get much ownership and likes this course.

My favorite play in the $6ks is Bo Van Penis Pelter. His overall results this year are very uninspiring, but he’s somehow made 2 of his last 3 cuts, including a T27 at the Barbasol Championship earlier this month. He is a certified geezer at age 47 so let’s just hope he makes it through the round healthy. He has good course history here (28th in 2021 and 65th in 2020) at a price you simply cannot pass up ($6.4K) Penis Pelter warming up:

It’s time for the CGG. This week it’s Adam Hadwin. This is the easiest click in the entire fucking field. Hadwin finished top 10 in this event last year and in 2019. I don’t see any reason why he won’t do it again this year. Similar to others, his dick was unfortunately mangled by a John Deere at the John Deere Classic, but before that he had made 4 straight cuts including a T7 at the U.S. Open. There is no better place to bounce back than a course where he only gets top 10s. There is just no chance my pants aren’t ripped at the crotch by the end of this weekend.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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