Steele pole fucked my lineup. I still ended up almost cashing despite a 5/6. I would have taken a min cash at this point. This is the worst streak of my life. I think we start to question the process a little, but playing a single lineup makes the margin for error thinner than my dick. On the bright side, Mullinax was cocks out and NFL begins in less than a month. The monster python is going to emerge from my shorts come September, I can assure you.
A tradition unlike any other. We begin the week with the click of the X on Rory, as usual. I’m hearing Cam Smith WD already with “hip discomfort”. Very courteous of him to WD before 10 minutes after lock. I’m fairly certain he injured his hip piping following his Open victory, as he stated that he’s been dealing with this “for a few weeks”.
Get Papa on the phone. We are ordering a large pepperoni pizza from Papa Jons this week. I’ll say it – he’s been gurgling his own fucking dick lately. He finally bounced back last week with a T5, but was coming off of two horrendous finishes (T55 and T34). Rahm is one of the only $10k golfers I like this week. No cut event for Papa? Yeah, lock him in.
The price has gotten out of control, but I’m firing him up. Joohyung Kim cannot stop pulling his dick out of his pants. He’s made 6 straight cuts, including a win, 2 top 10s, and a T13 last week in a strong field. He’s the real deal. At $9k and a projected 14% ownership, I don’t see a much better play in this price range.
Xander Schauffele was fucking terrible last week, but I’m going back to the well. People seem to be forgetting that he had back to back wins a month ago. He’s projected to be one of the lowest owned golfers in his price range ($9.6k). Xander is 5th in strokes gained this year and is top 10 in approach. Word around the office is that approach is a key statistic in this weeks tournament. Speaking of word around the office, here is Xander chatting with Rahm prior to the first tee:
Now that the Barstool guys have cooled off a bit on tweeting at Max Homa, we can finally maybe get him at a normal ownership percentage (projected 8%). This is a great pivot off of chalk Cam Young ($8.9k). Homa hasn’t been inspiring lately, but has still made 14 of his last 15 cuts, which includes a win, a T13 at the PGA Championship, and a T5.
I saw one tweet about Bigdicki’s performance after WD and that was enough for me to go full 12 o’clock for the WD narrative. For example, last year he withdrew after the first round of the Rocket Mortgage Classic and went on to finish T2 the next week. Earlier this year after he tweaked his neck gurgling his own dick he finished T14 at the Masters the very next week. I’m fucking playing him. Bigdicki assuring the bystanders that it’s as advertised before he tees off:
My top play in the $7k range is Taylor Pendick. He’s finished T13 or better in 5 of his last 6 tournaments, including one second place finish. I’m a bit worried about the dogshit tournaments he’s been playing in, but I’m playing him this week regardless. What the fuck is the Barbasol Championship?
The last play before the dumpster bin is one of the best values on the slate. Sahiiiiiiiiiiith. Theegala has made 10 of his last 11 cuts. He’s projected to be around 10% owned and is coming off of a T13 last week and is ready to bury the dying mule sound once and for all:
We have arrived at the dustbin. When you look at Harold Varner’s recent results, you’ll want to put salt in your eyes. He’s missed 3 of his past 5 cuts. Luckily for him, this week is no cut. He has the best odds to win of anyone in the $6k range and was playing very well prior to this bad stretch so there is reason to believe he can have a good tournament.
What the hell happened to Seabass?
Grab the fucking poles and meet me at the dock. We are going Seabass finish again. Sebastian Munoz has had a rough few weeks, but he is in a great spot to bounce back at $6.5k and only 6% projected ownership. I’m hauling in a fucking seabass this weekend.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. I will preface this by saying I fucking hate playing Spieth, but it feels necessary this week. He is sitting at $100 lower than the chalk guzzler Cam Young and projected at only 7%. He has 2 top 10s sandwiched between two missed cuts in his last 4 events. I expect him to bounce back after a horrific week last week and he rates out extremely well in strokes gained. This is by far the best pivot on the slate. Look at this guy:
I’ll be back next week.
-CashGod-
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