I don’t know what else to say other than the Kirk stacks were a fucking terrible idea. The Dolphins’ offense was limper than Matt Ryan’s penis elbow so there was absolutely no speeding up the pace of the game, despite the Vikings’ defense being possibly the worst in the league. Even the Bears scored 20 on them. The only thing good out of those stacks was getting onto Tyreek, but obviously Burrow to Chase – return to the Superdome narrative – was the better stack for less.

Jefferson became chalk out of thin air and I gurgled my own dick by playing a significant amount of Zach Gentry like a complete fucking donkey. The amount of double TE lineups I had was enough to consider locking my account forever. It wasn’t a complete loss so it could’ve been worse, but it wasn’t good. Onto Monday Night Football. Collinsworth describing the Jefferson chalk I ate:

I’m almost looking forward to this game because watching Russ and Hackkjob operate in primetime is so bad that it becomes good.

Russ has some sort of shoulder injury they say they usually see in people who have whacked it over 50 times in a single day. Having said that, this Chargers D is complete ass. Their last 4 game totals have all been over 48, including a golden shower of 38-10 at the hands of the Jags. I can’t help myself from going back to the Russ well. I said I’d never play Russ again, but I also say I’ll never play showdown again every time I lose, yet here we are.

I’ve said this all year, but the Chargers have been horse cock against the run during Staley’s entire tenure with the team. Melvin Gordon is unplayable. He’s averaging 3.7 ypc and is a threat to fumble every time he touches the ball. I could see Hackkjob try to pound the run game like it’s the 70s again so it’s Mike fucking Boone time as long as they give him enough touches. Thinking we Boone?

If there was ever a night to go for the big leverage and fade Herbert this is it. I’m not afraid to do it. The Broncos D is allowing the fewest pass yards in the league and Chargers LT Slater is still out for the season. I will likely be fading Herbert and playing Ekeler instead. This is one of those games where Mike Williams forgets to do his pre-game fap routine and ends up playing like shit or whatever usually causes that. I’ll play Joshua Palmer or Donald Parham instead.

I’m hoping fading Herbert, going Boone, and leaving Antonio Brown length dick on the table will be enough for my lineup to be unique, but these showdowns are nearly impossible. I really want to stop playing them, but when they put a million on the line I simply have no fucking choice.

The other Broncos I’m playing are Sutton and McManus. Sutton feels like a lock at captain and the kicker is always in play with a team coached by Hackkjob. The guy definitely jacks off to highlights of 60-yard field goals, there is no doubt in my mind. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It just means McManus is a great play as well.

I’m ready to finally lay a fucking paint job on one of these Monday Night Showdowns.

I’ll be back on Friday with the main slate preview.

-CashGod-

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