I said this a few weeks ago, but I’m rescinding it now because this one somehow tops it. This is the worst field of all time. I get fucking blasted by NFL this weekend and this is what I open up the PGA section of the app and see. I didn’t think there was a way for my dick to go limper but now it’s becoming inverted.
When a guy named Adrian Meronk is over $10k you don’t have to look much further to know what type of week it’s going to be. Time to make a few picks:
Line up the shots. We are sucking down Jaegerbombs ($9.3k) all fucking weekend. I can’t believe I’m playing Jaegerbombs at over $9k. No one in this field inspires any sort of confidence at all, but Jaeger has been playing some of his best golf as of late. He will be one of the lowest-owned golfers in the top 2 price ranges and finished T20 at this tournament last year.
There’s no fucking around at the top here. It’s time to get in the car and head to Denny’s for a grand slam breakfast. He has not had a great start to this season, but is clearly one of the best golfers in the field and has the top odds to win it. He has a T39, a T4, and a T15 in this event. I am going to Denny’s and absolutely gurgling down a fucking breakfast like it’s the last food on earth.
One of my favorite plays is Cameron Percy. There’s reason to believe he is the best value in the field at $7.9k. In these dogshit tournaments, I always go heavier on the $7k-$8k range because the difference in talent is far less than it normally is from top to bottom. Percy withdrew from the Rocket Mortgage classic due to a “rib injury”. I’m going to assume this was a side effect from his surgery that put his rib back into his body, making him unable to suck his own dick. Since this WD, he’s finished T8 at the Wyndham Championship and T25 at the Fortinet Championship in September. I’ll be balls deep.
Get the 3-wood out. It’s time to Schenk some fucking balls. Maybe it’s his name or maybe he’s dog ass, but it looks like Adam Schenk will be low-owned this week. He’s heating up, coming off of a T12 at Shriners and a T16 at the ZOZO Championship. He finished 26th at this event in 2020 and at $8.7k he isn’t any worse than anyone else in the field. I’ll be playing him at <10% ownership.
I’m not playing anyone in the $6k range this week. The lowest I’ll go is Kramer Hickok. This guy has been playing like absolute shit lately so I don’t have much on him other than his course history. He’s finished T30, T8, and T15 at this course. I can assure you that those results are significantly better than his recent form. If you are going to play him I’d suggest not looking at his last couple of tournaments. It looks like a fucking operating room. Cut after cut after cut after cut. I trust the course history though and he will be low-owned.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. I think I’ve mentioned his name every week recently, but this week he deserves to be amongst the $10ks and isn’t. S.H. Kim is once again being overlooked at $9.6k. He is by far the best play of the top 2 prices and is only projecting at around 10% ownership. He is the easiest leverage off of chalk-guzzler Power Hour. He’s coming off of a rough outing at the CJ Cup but finished T4, T13, and T36 in the 3 prior events. I like him to bounce back this week. Here’s a look at me when he wins it late on Sunday:
I’ll be back next week.
-CashGod-
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The Cash God 