I’m slamming the Viagra for these golf slates. There’s no option. I just missed a min-cash on my single entry last week as a result of S.H. Kim performing a dick-gurgling routine on himself.

Onto another horrific field. The new year cannot come quick enough for these golf events.

S.H. and I both gurgling on our own sack:

Scottie Scheffler is grinding these dogshit tournaments harder than anyone, including myself. There’s a chance he’s sponsored by Viagra because I’m not sure how he gets out of bed for this shit. Maybe he really did take it personally when Rory passed him in the rankings, I know I would. Coming off of a T3 at the World Wide Technology Championship and a T2 last year at the Houston Open, I’m playing Scheffler at $11.5k. He’s on a mission to get the number-one ranking back and is clearly the best golfer in the field by a wide margin.

I’ve never seen someone take their dick out over and over again quite like Taylor Montgomery has this year. I’m not saying these tournaments are good, but he hasn’t finished outside the top 15 yet and booked another top 10 last week. At $9.7k he is expensive, but it’s difficult to fade one of the hottest golfers in the field. Taylor unsheathing it again this weekend:

The $8k range is ugly. I narrowed it down to Taylor Pendick and Adam Hadwin but decided on Hadwin. He hasn’t been great this year, but has a top 10 at the Shriners Children’s Open and is $200 less. The only concern with Hadwin is that he has no course history at this event, but I need to go low in the $8ks if I’m playing Scheffler at over $11k.

Does anyone have experience swinging a golf club with a dick longer than 12 inches? What Mackenzie Hughes is doing is a feat unlike any other. He has a win and 2 top-25s so far this year. He’s played at this event twice, finishing T29 in 2021 and T7 in 2020. I will be balls fucking deep.

It’s Dick Piercer time. Scott Piercy is one of the best values on the slate at $6.7k. I can hardly look at his results so far this year. Let’s just say he’s missed the cut more times than he’s made it. Regardless, course history is king at these events, and he’s finished T32 and T19 in the past 2 years. He will be very low owned and worth a shot in GPPs at $6.7k. The only only other name I like below $7k is Kramer Hickock.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. It’s Aaron fucking Wise. I played him several times last year and now it’s time to open the well back up. He gurgled his own nutsack to start the year with a T64, but followed up with a 6th place finish at the CJ Cup and a T15 last week at the World Wide Technology Championship. At the Houston Open, he’s finished T11 in 2020 and T26 last year. He has the third best odds to win despite being the 6th highest priced golfer. It’s fucking time.

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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