Last week, I picked a winner in Papa Jon and had Zalatoris at 8%. Unfortunately, Billy Horsecock had one of the worst tournaments of his life and finished close to last. He had to be one of the only players to shoot over par on any of the four days. I will be noting that for next year. There will be no playing of Horsecock in Hawaii.
Onto the Sony Open.
There’s only one name in the $10ks I’ll be playing this week and I’ll mention it later.
Horsecock is appropriately low-owned in the $9ks. My favorite play in the $9ks is Corey Connors. He finished last year with a T25 and T23 but started this year off with somewhat of a self-dick gurgling en route to a T18 in a tiny field last week. He’s been good at the Sony Open in his past couple of tournaments, finishing T11, T12, and T3 in the last 3. I’m expecting a fucking paint job on the course this weekend.
It’s K.H. Lee time. Lee had his footlong out to close the year and started out this year with an immediate top 10 last week. He’s struggled a bit at this event in the past but does have a T19 on his resume. He is in much better form as a golfer now and is one of the best plays on the slate with an 11% ownership projection. Lee when they ask him the size of his dick at the first tee:
It’s geezer time. Matt Kuchar is in the field and who knows how many more times we will say that. Kuchar has 2 top 10s and 2 sack gurglings in his last 4 tournaments here. This is his first tournament of the year and I expect him to come out firing. He’s only fresh for so long at this age and after having a month off I’d think his body will be about at its peak for the season.
I likely played Patton Kizzire “The Jizzer” more than anyone last season so I know the plight. I’m going back to the fucking well at a place where he has had some success. Jizzer won this event in 2018 and finished T7 in 2021. That is more than you can ask for at $7.3k. He will be somewhat unowned at 5% and I’ll be balls fucking deep. Jizzer after piping his first drive of the day:
I’m getting sucked into the fucking Cinkhole this weekend. Stewart Cink is my favorite play in the dustball $6k range. His course history and recent tournaments are nothing to be inspired by, but he’s made the cut in his last 4 tries at the Sony Open and has 2 top 20 finishes. At $6.9k and 2% I don’t see a much better option at under $7k. He will likely be the only golfer I play in the $6ks other than Kramer HiCock.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This week it’s Hideki “HealedNeki” or “Bigdiki” Matsuyama. He was dealing with a wide array of injuries last season, including a neck injury, but he appears to be back to full strength despite a poor final round last week at the Sentry Tournament of Champions. He won this tournament last year and is projected to be the lowest owned $10k golfer in the field. This is a live shot of me when Bigdiki chips one in on 18 for the win on Sunday:
I’ll be back next week.
-CashGod-
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The Cash God 