Last week was one of my best golf results in recent memory. I had a 6/6 single entry in contention all weekend. There is nothing quite like sweating a Matt Kuchar made cut then having him go on a run to remember on the weekend to finish top 10. It’s safe to say I put the dick pills back in the cabinet after seeing that. I’m ready to keep it rolling this week with a fairly good field for The American Express.

It’s finally time for me to dip back into the Scottie Scheffler well. I played him a lot last year and it ranged from great tasting well water to bouts of uncontrollable, toilet denting, diarrhea. There are only 4 players above $10k, but Scheffler is projected to be only 16% owned. He’s coming off of a top 10 finish at the Tournament of Champions 2 weeks ago and has a top 3 finish at The American Express in 2020. He inexplicably gurgled his own sack in 2021, missing the cut. I’ll bet on him returning to form and being in the mix to win all weekened.

One of my favorite golfers in the $9k range is Sung-jae Im. He’s hovered around the top 10 at this tournament for 4 straight years and this is the year he finally whips cock and breaks through. $9.8k might be why he is only 12% projected ownership, but I have no problem playing him at that price given the rest of the field. He’s coming off a fucking abysmal performance at the Sony Open last week. He will undoubtedly want to erase that taste from his mouth. Im hanging brain on the 18th green right before he putts one in for the win:

Another name that has been hovering around the top 10 is Andrew Putnam. He has finished T14, T21, and T10 in his last 3 American Express tournaments. He’s $300 more but will provide a small amount of leverage off of chalkier Tom “Pants Hog” Hoge. He’s coming off of a T4 last week at the Sony Open in his first tournament of the year. You can’t ask for a better start. He will be keeping it rolling this week.

Have you ever seen a jizz rope fly 30 feet? If not, tune into the 18th green on Sunday when Adam Hadwin is putting. There is good course history and there is Hadwin. He has 2 top 3s in his last 5 tournaments here and is looking for another. This will be his first tournament of the year so that is the one concern I have, but otherwise I have no doubt about him coming out firing.

Get in the fucking car. We are headed to Denny’s for the first time in 2023. He finished T32 last week at the Sony Open, but at $7.8k and a 6% ownership projection I can’t fade him this week. He’s been complete dogshit at this event in years past until last year when he finished T6. I attribute that to him being a significantly better golfer last year and expect a similar result this year. I will be gurgling down the grand slam breakfast all fucking weekend.

Line up the shots. It’s time for some Jaeger Bombs. For the same price as a 10% owned David Lipsky, you can just play a 4% Stephan Jaegerbombs instead. If you’re going to play him I don’t think you should look at his course history. He stretched his sack into his mouth, finishing nearly dead last in 2018 and 2019. He’s in much better form now and is coming off of a respectable T28 last week at the Sony Open.

Ryders on the storm. My dart throw for the $6k range is Sam Ryder. I thought about going back to the Kizzire “Jizzer” well, but think Ryder is a better option. He hasn’t missed a cut at this event in his last 5 tournaments here, but the upside seems limited to a T29 in 2020. There is always a chance he gurgles his own dick and misses the cut, but at $6.9k and 2% ownership, he’s worth a play.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee.

There’s only one thing I can be sure of this week and it’s a Tom Kim paint job. The ownership projection is back down to earth so that means it’s time to buy the dip. You might even get some leverage off of a 20% Will the Thrill. Despite never having played in this tournament I expect a massive bounce back after the missed cut last week. Kim still has 3 top 10s and a T11 in his last 6 tournaments and he will surely be frustrated with his showing last week. I will be sack dragging the lock button to first place this week. A look at the Tom Kim paint job:

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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Photo: Eakin Howard | Credit: Getty Images