The Saturday and Sunday slates last week were a few of my best of the season. On Saturday I thought I had fucked up so badly with Lawrence throwing 4 picks in the first half. But then, foot by foot, his pants snake crept out of hiding. I’m looking to keep it rolling this weekend with a 4-game slate over two days. There is almost nothing quite like an overnight sweat. You wake up on the second day thinking you are somehow still in the mix for the Milly, swapping down to players like John Brown and Cole Beasley. Nothing better.
It’s time for the plays.
I’ll be Jaggin off all fucking afternoon on Saturday. I don’t see much of an option at QB other than Trevor Lawrence. I’ll have to deal with having the majority of my stacks being done come Saturday night, leaving me somewhat exposed to the late hammer on Sunday night. But I think I can live with that. The Jags team total (5th of 8) leaves something to be desired, but teams playing against an offense like KC are forced into the most pass-heavy script of any team in the league. Lawrence has been absolute dicks out over the last 8 weeks. In the second half of the season, including the previous game against KC, Lawrence has averaged 28.8 DK points in games that he throws more than 40 times (4 games). Sounds like a complete, fucking lock.
It’s going to be tough to fade Mahomes and Allen but I’ll do it unless I talk myself into a Mahomes lineup at the last minute. The Eagles, Bills, and Niners’ defensive lines are going to be problems for Burrow, Dimes, and Dak so I’m left with only one option. It turns out I won’t be leaving the late hammer exposed because the other QB I’m playing is Big Cock Brock (BCB). I’m not going to debate whether it’s BCB, Shanahan, or the YAC Monsters of Deebo, CMC, Kittle, and Aiyuk making this offense so good. BCB has been taking the foot long out since he took over for the Pornstar Whisperer and I don’t expect that to stop in what is projected to be the closest game of the weekend. The Cowboys’ offense is good enough to keep pace and I just can’t fade him at $5.4k with so many premium WR and TEs (Kelce) on this slate.
The Niners are 3.5-point home favorites against a Dallas defense in the bottom half of the NFL in YPC allowed. That’s CMC’s music. Elijah Mitchell has vultured some of the touches but it doesn’t matter. At $8k he is still one of the best plays on the slate, even at 30% ownership. I’ll be stacking him with BCB. I remember a time when people were playing him at $9k-$10k on a weekly basis. He’s now in one of the most efficient offenses in the league with Big Shanny calling the plays. This is an easy choice over Saquon.
I’ll be playing the Miles Sanders/Boston Scott combo this weekend. I expect the Eagles to absolutely pound the ball all night on Saturday. The Eagles had 30 rushing attempts (excluding a Gardner kneel down) last time they played NYG. Eagles HC Nick Sirianni is not afraid to go extra aggressive against a team’s weakness and that is the Giants’ clear weakness on defense. At $4.3k on a short slate, Boston Scott feels playable in small doses, but I’ll have an irresponsible amount of Sanders.
The only other running backs I’ll play are McKinnon and Pacheco, but I’ll have mostly McKinnon. It was shortly after the Jags game when McKinnon started to drag dick and close out the year with 8 touchdowns in 6 games. Some might call that running hot, others might call that a fucking paint job. I’ll only sprinkle Pacheco in a few in case they blow the fucking doors off the Jags and give him 15-20 carries. Otherwise, I’ll assume a fresh McKinnon is going to hang brain all afternoon on Saturday:
The Lawrence stacks will contain anyone and everyone that catches passes. My favorite stack is a Lawrence-Kirk-Jones-Jones Jr with a Kelce comeback. On a 4 game slate, I’ll be heavily game-stacking again. I have no idea how Marvin Jones Jr. is projected at 5% ownership coming off of a 6-target game where he scored and played 85% of the snaps. Needless to say, I will have some leeeeeeeeverage if that ends up being the case.
I’ll stack Big Cock Brock with mostly Aiyuk, Deebo, and CMC. This offense is so fucking ridiculous. I don’t think there is a limit to how many you can play and I’ve been hearing about some sort of “Cowboys are ass on grass” narrative. It didn’t show itself against a dogshit Tampa team last week but definitely could this week against a much better Niners team. Either way, I have no doubt that Brock will live up to his name and start swinging that thing around. When someone tries to ask me a question on Sunday Night immediately after a Purdy TD:
A few other WR I like this week are:
- CeeDeez Nuts – Closest game on the slate and the only player I’m playing from Dallas besides a little Schultz.
- JuJu Smith-Schuster/Toney – Comeback along with Kelce/McKinnon. I will be balls fucking deep.
- Pornstar Richie James – The only Giant I will play. His ADOT is the lowest of any of the WR that play and I expect their OL to get absolutely dick blasted by the Philly DL.
I’ll only play Kelce and Engram at TE this week and possibly in the same lineup. There is a chance a few Schultzs sneak in on Niners’ comebacks, but it will be mainly Kelce and Engram. There’s no chance I’m playing any of the other dustballs over Engram and Kelce can go for 30 in any game.
My favorite defense of the week is Philly. Don’t get confused by the Giants’ almost-perfect performance last week against the Vikings. That was more on the Vikings’ lack of defense than anything the Giants did on offense. This Philly D line is going to be sack-dragging the field in no time. The Giants allowed the 5th-most sacks in the NFL this season and the Eagles have the most sacks in the NFL. I’ll likely play whatever fits (outside of a chalk Cincy), but I don’t see many salary constraints this week. The other defense I’ll focus on is Buffalo against the banged-up Cincy OL.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This week it’s Deebo Samuel. I’m not sure if this price is some sort of joke, but it’s safe to say he’s fucking back and should likely be over $7k. In close games, SF will need to get the ball to their playmakers at all costs so I have no doubt Deebo will get his touches. At $5.9k I just can’t pass up a deal like that. I didn’t forget last year when he took his cock out to the tune of 10 carries for 72 yards and a TD. He’s clearly the best play on the slate despite all the weapons they have on offense. Live shot of me sitting at the table watching Deebo scoring his third TD of the day (and that’s not my leg causing that):
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The Cash God 