I kept it fucking rolling last week until Saturday night at around 1am when I degen-entered the Sunday-only slate. I still ended up with a good week despite losing every single entry on the Sunday-only slate. Another 2 game slate this weekend with only 4 teams left. It’s more important than ever to really pick spots. Found a video online recapping January so far:

It’s time for the plays.

At QB this week it’s Big Cock Brock and everyone else. By that I mean he’s around a 10% ownership projection and the rest are 25%+. At one point I was thinking I’d have to eat shit at QB (play Purdy) in order to get some semblance of a winning stack, but the real challenge is going to be avoiding the high-priced WR busts. Purdy is simply not playable as much as I’d like to for that price. I’ll be playing almost exclusively Mahomes. His dick has surely been growing each day thinking about getting revenge for that AFC Championship game loss to these Bengals. He will be putting on a show to remember on Sunday.

We will have to monitor Elijah Mitchell’s status as game-time approaches, but Philly’s weakness on defense is on the ground. They allowed the 9th most yards per carry this year. Combine that with Kyle Shannahan and CMC and you get a dick-dragging. I will likely be fading all other running backs except for the Bengals. Live shot of me in the living room after CMC runs in his third of the day:

Playing Mahomes means I’ll have to either play some absolute shit-tier players or fade some of the high-priced WR. Despite Kansas City having one of the worst “perfect coverage” percentages I’ve seen last week (11% per PFF) I’ll be fading Ja’Marr Chase and playing Higgins instead. At half the ownership and $2.2k, less this seems like the easiest pivot on the slate so maybe the steam will get out of control by the time Sunday rolls around. Otherwise, I’ll mostly stack Kelce and Toney with Mahomes along with a few random MVS/Schuster lineups.

The only other WR that I consider a must-play is Deebo Samuel. Given Elijah Mitchell’s injury status, his price ($5.7k wtf?) a run-heavy approach to the game it’s finally time for him to go dicks out.

At TE it might be tempting to go low this week. I could see an argument for Hurst depending on what WR you are considering, but I don’t think it’s possible to fade Kelce. I’ll be playing a lot of double TE with a mix of Goedert and Hurst as a second option. I suspect SF will have Kittle blocking a significant amount against an Eagles DL that removes their cocks from their pants on a play-by-play basis.

I won’t spend any time thinking about defense. I will be playing whatever fits in the lineups. If I had to pick a favorite it would be Kansas City. If they are able to push the pace the Bengals OL still looks like a wilted ballsack, which should hopefully lead to some turnovers at some point. They are playing well as a unit, but there is some regression to be had.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This one is a bit unconventional. It’s Samaje Perine. I can already hear it: “Cash God what the fuck is this? Perine????” I could have just gone CMC, but Perine is the key to the slate this week. You are going to need the salary savings and if that game starts to shoot out he will have opportunities to score. He’s been playing around 40-50% of the snaps, is more efficient than Mixon, and catches the ball better. At $4.5k and under 10% ownership, you’re going to want him. Live shot of me dealing with the press when he scores 0 on Sunday:

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