Normally in this first paragraph I talk about getting blasted by the slate and variance, but I’m going to put it simply. I’ve taken my cock out on the last 3 slates. These playoff slates have been the best 3 of the year for me and my DraftKings balance is at a 3-year high (non-deposit). This either sets up for a Superbowl Sunday for the ages or the pendulum of variance swings back against me.

Rewinding to last year’s Superbowl, I had a loyal follower ship the Fanduel Milly Maker with a single bullet. I’m hoping we can recreate the Hopkins magic again this year.

It’s time for the plays.

I’ve decided to fade Travis Kelce again. The last time I did this on an island slate he called my phone and said “Look at this, bich”, proceeding to take his dick out and drag it on the field, scoring 4 touchdowns on 8 catches against the Raiders in October. I’m not playing for second place in the Milly Maker and Kelce is projected to be over 50% owned, including the third-highest captain behind Mahomes and Hurts. I can’t stomach fading either of those two so Kelce feels like the best option to fade. This is likely terrible but if we can get some touchdown variance it will work at that price.

In that same vein, I’m playing Jody Forskin. I’d almost go as far as saying the price is way too low ($200). He played in 20% of the snaps last week returning from IR and given the state of the Kansas City WR room I would expect him to get more playing time. At 6’4″ 227 15″ (cock), he is a target everywhere on the field. Of his 13 total targets this season, 5 of them came in the Redzone. I have no choice but to nearly lock him into all lineups. Fortson walking off the field after vultering 2 TDs from Kelce and leading the Chiefs to the win:

One of my favorite plays on the slate is Jerick McKinnon. This season, the Eagles were 24th in the NFL in YPC allowed and 15th in the NFL in fantasy points allowed to running backs. All defensive stats kind of go out the window when you’re playing cock-swinger Mahomes, but it is worth noting. Pacheco seems to be strengthening his grip on the backfield, but McKinnon provides much more in the passing game and this game should be fast-paced with lots of throwing.

I thought about Miles Sanders for a long time, but Gainwell is the play for similar reasons to McKinnon. Philly’s schedule has been dogshit soft thus far, so when they are finally pushed in a game Gainwell will be asked to play more. Throughout the season, he was the clear 3rd down and two-minute-drill choice and I expect those obvious passing situations to be present throughout the game with Mahomes lurking on the other side. Live shot of me trying my fucking best to hold back ruining my wall with jizz when Gainwell takes a 70-yard screen to the house:

It’s time for the Super Bowl Cash God Guarantee. It’s DeVonta Smith. If I’m going to fade AJ Brown then the most logical choice is to captain DeVonta Smith. Smith will thrive in the expected shootout. I’m not too worried about Goedert being in the optimal unless he catches multiple touchdowns and it feels pretty 50/50 between Brown and Smith. In the 5 games Smith received 10 or more targets he averaged 25.7 DK points. I’d expect him to get 10 targets against a team that will actually push the Eagles’ offense. I’m prepared to leave an absolutely monstrous amount of dick (salary) on the table this weekend. I will not be playing for a split in the Milly Maker. I want to give myself the best chance at a unique lineup as possible. Monday morning I’ll either be a millionaire maker winner or need a new computer.

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See you all next season.

-CashGod-

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