Last week didn’t do my bankroll any favors. I already tweeted about it but I’ll say it again. One week without NFL has turned into a blank NBA lineup, a placeholder NBA lineup, and $25 lit on fire and flushed down a paint-jobbed toilet via the NASCAR Milly Maker. I am fiending for a win right now. Bigdicki let us all down last week and Brandon Wu gurgled his own cock. We are onto the Honda Classic to begin a new streak of single-entry 6/6s.

We have a bit of a random field this week. Sung-jae is somehow the top priced at $10.7k. Having said that, I’m going back to the Shane the brain well. He fucked me over once this year there’s no way I’m going to let him slip by this week. In a field this poor, I will be playing the fucking hits and Shane is by far one of the best. I will also gladly play the brain at around 15% less ownership than Sung-jae. He self-sack gurgled when I made him the CGG but bounced back nicely with a T14 last week in a strong field at the Genesis Open. It must have taken a few rounds to knock the rust off for the year, but he seems to be back.

Get in the fucking car. We are going to Denny’s for a grand slam breakfast. When I said I was going to play the hits I wasn’t joking. I’ll be playing Denny for what feels like the 10th straight week. This is one of my favorite plays in the field and it’s time for it to finally pay off. He inexplicably missed the cut in the WM Phoenix Open but finished T14 last week at Riviera. He already has a top 5 finish this year and will likely add another this week. He finished top 3 in 2021 and T30 last year. I will be balls deep. Denny walking towards the clubhouse this weekend:

It appears no one thinks Sepp Straka can repeat. He is one of the lowest projected owned golfers in the $8ks, despite having the 9th best odds to win. He’s finished 1st, 33rd, and 27th in the past 3 years and got a nice warmup round in last week at Riviera amongst a great field. If no one will play him I will. I can relate to the feeling of knowing a course well like Straka does. I shoot almost exclusively 120 at my local course when I’d normally shoot around 150 anywhere else. That 30-stroke difference can simply be attributed to loving the course. I’m playing Strep Straka.

This $8k range is likely the best range in the field. It’s time to gas up the fucking jet, we are going to Vegas. No better week than a Jhonattan Vegas week. He’s made the cut the past 5 years here, but is coming off of a missed cut at The American Express. I have absolutely no doubt he will bounce back strong in an extremely weak field. At $8.6k I don’t see how you pass him up, despite a bit of a higher ownership projection. Here I am walking off the PJ after painting the walls while seeing Vegas finish in the top 5:

My favorite play in the $7k range by far is Seong-Hyeon Kim. He’s coming off of 4 made cuts in his last 5 events, including a T12 at the Sony Open and a T20 at the Farmers Insurance Open. At only $7.4k and a <7% ownership projection he is by far the best play in this price range. He got some Cash God Guarantee consideration so he’s up there for the best play on the slate. He’s been loading up the cock snake and it’s ready to fucking blow.

Line up the shots. It’s time for some Jaegerbombs. I said it above and I’ll say it again. This is the week to play the fucking hits. He has been average at best so far this year, with a T40, a missed cut, a T53, T36, and T28. There isn’t too much to be inspired by his course history either, but his ownership shouldn’t be too high and he somehow has top 10 upside at under $8k. I’m going to be absolutely fucking gurgling down Jaegerbombs while he sinks putt after putt on Sunday.

The only golfer in the $6ks I’ll play this week is Kramer Hicock. I’m not sure what happened at this event last year, but he must have had emergency surgery before the tournament to have his thoracic rib removed because he sucked his own dick and finished 114. He’s played at this tournament 3 times in the past 4 years, finishing T21 and T30 the other two times so that should ease our worries a bit. He will be almost unowned and at $6.9k will allow some lineup flexibility.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This week it is Taylor Pendick. I play him often, but this week he is clearly the play of the week. He is one of the lowest projected owned in the top 3 price ranges and has the 8th-best odds to win. He finished 25th at this tournament last year and already has a top 10 this year. Year of the Pendick. Call the carpet cleaner, there’s going to be a cleanup in my fucking living room this weekend when he wins it and it’s going to look a lot like this:

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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Photo: Cliff Hawkins, Getty Images