GEOOOOOORGIAAAAAA GEOOOOORGIA GEOOOOORGIA ON MY MIIIIIIIND. The time has finally come. After treading through some absolutely ass shit fields and tournaments we have finally arrived at the first major of the year.

I’m not even going to mention last week’s results. Ryan Fox let me down in the biggest way anyone has all year. I crown him CGG for the week and he is the one that costs me another 6/6 single entry? What the fuck? Onto Augusta.

I begin the week with a tradition unlike any other. I’ve been told you can hear the echo multiple miles away produced by my balls slapping the keyboard when clicking exclude on Rory. This week is no different. It’s the first thing I did.

It’s the year of Rahm. I’ve been saying it all year. He’s been on the edge of winning this tournament multiple times in the last 5 years (4 top 10s) despite a bit of a self-dick gurgling last year. He’s projected to be the lowest owned of the $10k range and I don’t see a world where you could ever click Rory over him. I would allow defending champ Scheffler, who is playing as well as anyone right now, but I’ll be playing almost exclusively Rahm. Dial up Papa Jon, we are ordering a large with extra fucking cheese. Live look at Rory watching Rahm tee off:

The $9ks are fairly flat ownership-wise so that made it easier. I’m playing Justin Thomas. He needs a Masters win to match Spieth’s and $9.3k is a bit of a lowball price. I’d imagine his ownership will be higher than the current projection (15%), but I’ll be fucking gurgling the chalk if that’s the case. He’s finished top 10 in 2 of the last 3 years, including a T4 in 2020. He had his worst day at the job a few weeks ago at THE PLAYERS but bounced back with a T10 at Valspar. I expect him to drag dick this week.

I’ll be playing multiple $8k golfers this week. The prices are too good on some of these guys. It’s going to be so hard for me to not play Uncle Dustin Johnson. I may end up slipping him into a couple before lock, but my favorite play in this range is Bigdicki. I’m going back to the fucking well. I thought there was no chance he made it through last week without withdrawing, but he somehow finished T15. He already has a top 5 finish at THE PLAYERS this year and he’s finished in the top 20 at Augusta in 4 of the last 5 years, including a win in 2021. He is one of the best plays in the entire field assuming his neck isn’t fucked.

An impossible fade this week is Mr. Major Lite. The ownership projections are either wrong (11%) or everyone is forgetting what kind of cock uncoiling ceremony Zalatoris puts on when the bright lights of a major get turned on. He has been dog ass to start the year outside of a 4th place finish at Riviera and a T11 at the Sentry Tournament of Champions, but that’s what he does. He lurks in the fucking weeds until the majors. He has a 6th place finish and a runner-up at The Masters so far in his career. There is nothing outside of an injury that could convince me not to play him this week. $8.2k is obscene. Live shot of me when he finishes with another top 5:

The $7k range is loaded. The first name I see and I cannot go past is Shane the fucking brain Lowry ($7.9k). What a sight this price is after he was $8.8k last year, when he finished 3rd. He hasn’t had his best start to the year but does have a T5 at the Honda Classic in a good field. His ownership projection is way too low for that price. I don’t give a fuck what his results are this year. At under 7% it’s almost a lock and nearing disrespect. I’ll play him as leverage off of chalk donkey Corey Conners.

Actual Mr. Major Koepka probably doubled his ownership by winning last week, but it will still be low. Similar to Uncle Dustin, it will be tough to do a full fade of Koepka so I’ll have some.

The other golfer I like here is Tom Kim. At one point this year I said we are playing Tom Kim until further notice. That notice has not arrived yet. I’m going back to the well and sucking down the water like that Instagram model sucked the Sun’s entire team. At $7.7k and an 8% ownership projection, he’s one of the best plays in this price range and potentially one of the best pivots off of Conners for only $100 more. He has never played at The Masters and is only 20 years old so there is a chance the stage is too big for him, but I’m playing him. Live shot of me looking at the well water again this week:

I don’t know what justified this price drop, but Mr. Gooch being priced at $6.8k is absurd. This is the easiest click of my DFS career. I remember last year when everyone was shitting on him for being $8.7k. Jokes on them he finished T14. All of these LIV guys are going to be under-owned and great value. Mr. Gooch is an absolute no-brainer at $6.8k and under 5% ownership.

The moment has arrived. It brings a fucking tear to my eye. The return of Jason Cockrack is upon us. Speaking of disrespectful prices…$6.5k? Is that some type of joke? I don’t recommend locking guys in the $6ks, but if there was ever a week this might be the week I finally do it. Remember what I said about the sound of my balls slapping the keyboard when clicking the exclude button for Rory? There will be a similar sound echoing throughout the night sky when I get to the $6ks and see Cockrack.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This week it’s Cam Smith. The LIV golfers are all going overlooked, which opens up Cam Smith to be the best play in the field at $9.8k. One scan of the ownerships at the top and he sticks out like a sunburned cock at the nude beach. At $9.8k and an 8% ownership projection we may never see an opportunity like this again. For reference, he was over 20% owned at $9.9k at last years’ Masters, where he finished 3rd. He’s finished in the top 10 4 times in the past 5 years at Augusta, with 3 top 5s. Fade him at your own risk. He is the best leverage off of chalk Rory for $800 less. Live shot of him striding onto the green to putt for the win on Sunday:

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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