My results last week were an absolute abomination. I went into the slate thinking it was mine to lose only to have Willy Z withdraw prior to the first round, eliminating over 50% of my lineups. Will I learn from this and not go so heavy on one golfer? No. Will I ever play Zalatoris again? Also no. Less than a week after he declared himself “pain-free” he headed for the operating table and had back surgery. We must have different definitions of pain free.

The only good thing to come out of the weekend was Rory missing the cut. The difference between good and great was on full display with Tiger Woods making his 23rd straight Masters cut while limping around the course like his dick had ballooned to the size of an anchor. Meanwhile, Rory was fighting for his fucking life to not hit a double-digit score.

Onto RBC.

I’m a bit undecided on Rahm. On one hand, there is the potential for a Masters hangover after he dragged dick. On the other hand, I don’t think he would play if he wasn’t going to try to win. Having said that, I’m playing Spieth this weekend. He’s coming alive as of late with a T4, T19, T3, and T4 in his last 4 events. I’m not afraid to play the defending champion at an event despite his other dogshit years here (T68 and T54). He will be half the ownership of any other $10k+ golfer and is $600 less than Scheffler. I’m balls deep.

In the $9ks, I don’t have much choice but to play Cameron Young. I don’t play him often for whatever reason, but this is the week I bust him out of the fucking garage. Last year was his first year playing at this event and he finished 3rd. That’s either a sign of things to come or we will witness the sack gurgling of a lifetime this week. He’s in great form, coming off of a T7 last week at Augusta, and has 3 top 20s in his last 4 tournaments. Live shot of me when Young books another top 5 this week:

I don’t think anyone has declared further notice yet so it’s Tom fucking Kim time. Back to the fucking well. At $8.5k this is a perfect price and field for him to rise like morning wood once again. I’m not sure if his average results are making people forget about him but he’s only projected to be 11% owned. I don’t have any concerns about him never having played at this event. That hasn’t been a problem for him and he’s coming off of a T16 at the Masters last week in a much more difficult field.

One bad week for Corey Connors and DK sends him to the fucking dungeon of pricing at $7.8k. This is the easiest click of the week for me. I assumed he would be over 20% projected ownership, but he’s somehow only supposed to be around 12%. I expect him to have a great bounce-back week after a horrific showing at the Masters last week. He has great course history at this tournament with a T12, T4, and T21 in his last 3. A look at my pants when Connors finishes top 10:

I will likely avoid most of the $6ks but the only name I’m considering this week is the Ghim fucking reaper. Doug Ghim has a respectable last 2 outings at this tournament, finishing 35th and 33rd. I don’t expect much from him this week, but at $6.5k either of those would be enough. Like I said, I’ll be avoiding this dogshit range of golfers in favor of more $7k-$8k.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This week there is no fucking around. It’s Shane the Brain Lowry. I’m going back to the well once again. Not only is he trending upwards, but he’s absolutely dick-dragged this course over the past 4 years, with 2 top 5s and a top 10. He’s coming off of a T16 at the Masters last week and is looking for his first win of the year. He will be a little higher owned than I’d normally like, but when I saw that course history I couldn’t fucking resist. Live look at the course when Lowry’s finished on Sunday:

I’ll be back next week.

-CashGod-

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Photo: Oisin Keniry