Hank Ligbofa had the worst day at his job last week and it made me swim with the fucking bots all weekend. I could hardly look. This week, we begin with a tradition unlike any other. The clicking of the exclude button on Rory. It’s been good to me so far this year especially during his self dick gurgling ceremonies of the Masters and THE PLAYERS. There is nothing quite like the thrill of fading a chalk Rory. Live shot of me when anyone asks why I exclude Rory each week:
This $10k+ click was the easiest click of all time. I heard something about Tiger Woods’ caddie being on Catnplay’s bag this week but it doesn’t matter. Xander is by far the best play in this range. He’s coming off of a T4 in the Zurich Classic, a 4th place finish at RBC Heritage and a T10 at the Masters. He hasn’t come close to missing a cut this year and it’s clear his dick is creeping out inch by inch. He’s closing in on a win and this is the week he will do it.
There was a stretch of play that Matt Fitzpatrick could not stop gurling on his own sack. That is over. He’s back in form with a T10 at the Masters and a win at RBC Heritage. At $9.3k and 13% ownership he provides a little leverage off a chalky Hovland. He’s only played at this event once in the last 5 years and absolutely sucked, but he’s in good form right now so that doesn’t worry me at all. Live shot of me when he books another top 5:
I had a tough time choosing between Tommy Fleetwood and Shane the fucking brain Lowry. Either way I’m back at the well gurgling down the water. This week I like Fleetwood a bit more, but could end up playing both. He’s coming off of a T15 at RBC Heritage, a 33rd place finish at the Masters, and a T3 at Valspar. It’s fucking time for him to get his first win on US soil.
Fire up the geezer narrative this week. It’s Matt Kuchar time. I saw some random article about Matt Kuchar’s son having a chance at qualifying for the U.S. Open so maybe that inspires the geezer to play well this week. He is coming off of two great results (T3 at the Valero Texas Open and T19 at RBC Heritage). Live shot of me when Matt Kuchar finishes top 10 at $7.9k:
There isn’t much depth to my $6k play this week. The course history can speak for itself for Luke List. He’s been absolutely fucking terrible as of late, missing 5 of his last 7 cuts. But then you take a peek at his course history and the blood begins to flow in a different direction. A T6 in 2021 and a T9 in 2018 at Quail Hollow. That’s enough for me at under 2% ownership and $6.9k.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This is a new one for me and not one I’ve played a lot in the past. It’s Keith Mitchell time. If we want to talk about course history and cock unveiling ceremonies look no further than Keith Mitchell at Quail Hollow. He’s finished T3 and T8 in his last two events at this course. I expect nothing different this year despite him coming off of a missed cut at the Mexico Open last week. Live shot of Mitchell finishing top 5 this week:
I’ll be back next week.
-CashGod-
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The Cash God 