Holy shit I wasn’t sure if my bankroll would make it to another major. The past month and a half have been so fucking bad. I’ve lost every single week. What’s even more tilting is as I scroll through this week’s field I see a prominent name missing. Where the fuck is Jason Cockrack? That would have ruined my week, but luckily Mr. Gooch is in the field so we are at half-mast. What actually did ruin my week in the last major was Will Zalatoris withdrawing before he took a fucking swing.
We have arrived at the best part of the week. It’s even better in a Major week. I just dragged my fucking sack on the keyboard to exclude Rory from my pool. Between that and locking in Cockrack for the Masters I don’t know that there is much more of a thrill on planet earth. Live shot of me every week when he inevitably falls short:
Rahm is clearly the best fit for this course and the best golfer in the field, but at 20% and $11.4k I don’t think I can do it. I’m going all the way down to Morikawa. Fucking Iron Man. He’s the lowest owned of the top price range and over $1k less than Rahm. He played like absolute dogshit two weeks ago at the Wells Fargo Championship, missing the cut. Nothing is quite like the bright lights of a major though and he has been absolutely helicopter dicking at majors (two top 10s in his last 3). I’m all fucking in on Iron Man this week.
I’m going back to the Cam Smith well and gurgling the water like it is the last few drops on earth. I wanted to make him the Cash God Guarantee again, but held off. He is, once again, priced at only $9.3k and is projected at under 10% ownership. I don’t see how you pass him up. Think what you want about LIV, but he’s been taking his dick out on a weekly basis, finishing top 3 in 2 of his last 3 tournaments. He’s still one of the best golfers in the world and is getting no respect. I’ll play him in the majors until he gives me a reason not to. Live shot of me when Cam Smith books another top 5:
If you think I’m not playing Shane the Brain this week think again. Speaking of disrespect. $8.3k and under 5% projected ownership? He’s getting some LIV level disrespect despite being great at majors. He missed the cut at the Wells Fargo Championship a few weeks ago, but is coming off of 6 straight made cuts, including a T16 at the Masters. I don’t see any reason why his ownership would be that low and I’ll gladly play him over chalky Hatton for $200 less.
The one sack of chalk I will gurgle down this week is Matt Fitzmagic and it’s not even that bad. He’s projected to be 15%, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s over 20% on Thursday morning. It appears he’s fully healed from the bulging dick he had earlier this season. Since returning from his injury he’s made 4 straight cuts, including a T10 at the Masters and a win at RBC Heritage. He’s fucking back. Fitzmagic striding toward the 18th green to put for another top 10:
It looks like I’m playing as many LIV golfers as possible again. Next is Joaquin Niemann. Play the fucking hits. He’s been dialed in at the last 3 LIV events and finished T16 at the Masters. At $7.9k and a 7% ownership projection, He is one of the best values in the $7ks. He’s already proven he can finish in the top 20 at a major this year and that price is something I cannot scroll past.
No Cockrack this week so Mr. Gooch will have to carry the torch for me. They actually brought his price up to a respectable dollar amount this week, but not high enough for me not to play him. It would take A LOT for me to consider not playing him, especially in a Cockrack-free field. Since finishing T34 at the Masters, he’s won 2 LIV events. That’s all I needed to see. At $7.6k he won’t need much to pay off and is still projected under 10% ownership. Gooch warming up for tee time:
The one $6k golfer I’ll mention is Aaron Wise (and maybe Robert MacIntyre). I don’t have many good things to say about him this week, he’s been fucking dog ass in his last 5 events. He finally made a cut at the AT&T Byron Nelson, but finished T50. You could call him somewhat of a $6k version of Mr. Major. He didn’t play in the Masters this year but made the cut in each of the 3 majors he played last year, finishing top 30 in 2 of the 3. At 1% and $6.9k, I’m playing him.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. This week it’s a classic. Back to the fucking well. It’s Bigdicki week. He’s made 3 straight cuts, including a T16 at the Masters. I’m not sure if everyone forgot about him, but he’s projected to be under 10% owned. He’s seemingly healed from his neck injury and ready to make a run at another major. At $8.6k on a course that suits him perfectly, he’s my favorite play in the entire field. Bigdicki turning to his caddy on Sunday with a 2 stroke lead:
I’ll be back next week.
-CashGod-
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Photo: Michael Madrid-USA TODAY Sports
The Cash God 