I’m back after recovering from what was an absolute fucking disaster at the U.S. Open. I cashed 0 of my lineups as Homa missed the cut and the rest of my plays gurgled their own fucking dicks for 36-72 holes. I’m still so tilted.
Good thing this John Deere Classic field isn’t one of the worst we’ve seen all year…
It’s time for the plays.
This top range is something out of my nightmares. I will reluctantly be playing some Cameron Young. He has been absolutely abysmal, missing 2 cuts in his last 5 events. He somehow finished T32 at the U.S. Open, but that’s about the only decent result he’s had since a T7 in April at The Masters. I won’t be gurgling the Henley chalk so this feels like the only option.
Adam Schenk seems to either hang brain and finish top 10 or miss the cut. In his last 5 events he has 2 missed cuts and 3 top 10s, including a second-place finish at the Charles Schwab Challenge. Schenk absolutely strokes his dick to the thought of playing in this event. He’s finished in the top 10 in 2 of the last 3 years. The only thing preventing him from a third was a WD last year. Live shot of me when Schenk books another top 10:
Pour the shots. It’s time for some fucking Jaegerbombs. Stephan Jaeger is on run of his life. He’s made 8 straight cuts and just capped it off with a T9 at the Rocket Mortgage Classic. He’s one of my favorite plays in the entire field and finished 30th at this event last year. This field is so bad and he is definitely in the mix to drag dick and hoist the trophy come Sunday.
Seonghyeon Kim has been on a bit of a roller coaster ride as of late, but this is the perfect field for him to get back on track. He’s shown the ability to finish in the top 15 already this year and finished T25 just a month ago at the RBC Canadian Open. At just 6% ownership and $7.4K I have no choice but to play him. A look at my front lawn as I parade around after Kim dials up the round of his life on Sunday afternoon:
The $6ks in these tournaments is usually one of the worst things on earth. I locked onto a name fairly early this time as a result of my dick going to full mast in an instant after seeing this event history. The name is Ryan Moore. He has 3 straight top 25 finishes, including a second place finish in 2021. There’s no way I’m fading him.
It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. Get in the fucking car. We are going to Denny’s. I am fully aware I’ll be guzzling chalk like I’m guzzling a grand slam breakfast on Saturday morning but it doesn’t matter. He’s clearly the best play in what might be the worst field of the year. He had two inexplicably terrible years at this event but finished T6 last year. I’m hoping ownership gravitates towards Henley and we get less than the 23% he’s currently projected to be. Either way I’m going to be sucking down pancakes all weekend in honor of Denny winning.
I’ll be back next week.
-CashGod-
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The Cash God 