I fucking lost it all again last week. There’s nothing worse than being in the top 10 for the first hour of the slate and finishing with absolutely nothing. I was full-blown midnight when I looked at my phone after the second first quarter Richardson TD. Richardson going down followed by the ETN icicles was too much to overcome.

I’ve been complete dogshit through two weeks but the vibe I get this week is that I’ve cracked the code.

It’s time for the plays.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Broncos Country, Let’s Ride. I’m busting Russ out of the garage for the first time this year in the game with the second-highest total on the slate where everyone is focused on the Dolphins stacks. This game is just as likely to shootout as any of those other high totals and Russ is just starting to let his dick creep out.

I’m going 2/2 on the worst plays. This time it’s Justin Fields. There is a squeaky wheel narrative and then there is what was going on in Chicago this week. Fields said something about the coaching, the DC resigned out of nowhere, and I think it’s time for him to break the slate for the first time of the year. This Bears D is fucking BAD and the Chiefs might put up 50 on them so I expect Fields to throw all game. His comments this week make me think he will be running more.

I fucking hate playing Kirk Cousins, but this is the week. The Chargers defense has been one of the worst in the league this year and they’ve been a part of two 50+ point games. There is almost zero chance this game is anyone different unless Kirk performs a self-sack gurgle. This is the highest total on the slate so it will be popular but I’m hoping more people go Herbert than Kirk. Irsay describing the state of my dick after Kirk puts up 35:

This is Isiah Pacheco week. I’ve seen enough of Chicago’s run defense to know it’s dogshit. The Chiefs project to be multiple scores ahead in this game at home. As long as he is healthy there is no way I’m not playing him in one of the best running back game environments on the slate.

My next favorite running back is James Cook. He uncoiled the snake last week against Las Vegas and it might not get much harder this week. Washington has allowed the 9th most yards per carry in the NFL and the Bills are 6.5 point favorites. He got 17 carries in a blowout last week and I’d expect similar this week if it’s such a positive game script.

It feels like the Lions have no fucking choice but to let Jahmyr Gibbs cook this Sunday. I don’t understand what is going on there, but now that Montgomery is hurt there’s no excuse. At $6.6k and under 10% ownership projection he is one of my favorite plays on the entire slate. This game has good shootout potential and is likely being overlooked as a result of the Riddler being involved. Live shot of me on Sunday afternoon when Gibbs runs in his third of the day:

The Russ stacks leave so much salary you can pretty much play whoever you want after that. The clear stack is Russ-Jeudy-Sutton with a Tyreek comeback. I would consider Waddle if he plays. This is somehow the second-highest total on the slate. Who thought that would be possible with Denver after the Hackjobb last year?

Fields stacks will likely be skinny stacks with Moore and a Kelce comeback. I can’t stomach any of these KC WRs unless Toney is playing. I have absolutely no doubt Fields is going to take off the tape running the ball I just hope he brings DJ Moore along. This game could be complete dogshit if the Chiefs end up blowing them out.

I hardly have to explain the Kirk stacks, but my favorite is Kirk-JJ-Addison with a Mike Williams comeback. To play Jefferson we are going to have to gurgle chalk in a big way, but Addison and even Mike Williams feel a bit under-owned at 7% and 13%, respectively. This game is going to be fucking wild. The Chargers are allowing a massive amount of huge plays. Addison will be yelling “Let’s get paid” many times on Sunday. Live shot of him breaking the slate Sunday:

A few other WRs I like this week:

• Calvin Ridley – Miracle on Ice “Again”.mp4
• Christian Kirk – I got completely fucked over by Zay Jones last week in DFS and season-long. I assume he will be out again so I’m playing Kirk.
• Drake London – This game has a chance to get a bit wild so I’m trying to play a few of the best players in it. Detroit’s defense is still donkey ass.
• Zay Flowers – The Colts have somehow been in 2 51-point games and are allowing the 5th-most yards per attempt in the NFL.
• Nico Collins – Way too fucking cheap still and a good mini stack with Ridley or Kirk.
• Josh Reynolds – Another great mini-stack with London
• Tank Dell – The Texans are nearly a lock to give up almost 30 points a game so they will likely be throwing all game.

I sucked my own dick last week playing Darren Waller. What the fuck was I thinking? I broke my own rule. I might break it again this week depending on what Hockenson is considered. My main plays at TE will be Kelce and Hockenson. The only other TE I’ll play is Zach Ertz, who seems like a near fucking lock.

Defense is dog ass this week. My favorite this week is the Saints. It’s time for Jordan Love to have a blowup game. Playing a road defense is not the best, but the Saints are going to be almost unowned and are $2.9k. The other two defenses I like are the Titans and Falcons. That Detroit-Atlanta game has a chance at getting wild and that’s perfect for a defense.

It’s time for the Week 3 Cash God Guarantee. This week it’s Bijan Robinson. I’ve been stroking my shit to his highlights all week. He looks like one of the best players in the league. Most of the other running backs I’m playing this week are low-priced along with a very cheap Broncos stack so there will be no issue fitting him into lineups. This is the week he busts the fucking slate for the first time in his career. Live shot of me standing on the balcony after he hits the bonus in the first half:

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