I lost everything again last week. Bijan had his worst week of the season and Fields was somehow almost worse. I had way too much of those two along with Mike Williams and got completely blasted for all of my entry fees. This has been an all-time bad year. I’m either fucking terrible or variance is hitting hard early this year. I’m thinking it’s the variance:

It’s time for the plays.

I’m firing Anthony Richardson if he’s playing. Back to the fucking well. With a 46-point total, this should be one of the best games on the slate. We have already seen a potential dicks out game from Anthony Richardson when he started to uncoil it in the first half last week with 2 rushing touchdowns. I think anything under $7k is a near-lock for Richardson for his rushing alone.

It’s time to whip out the pornstar whisperer. The Chargers are allowing the second most yards per game in the NFL only behind… Denver. I’m not sure I even count them. I consider Jimmy G to be kinda ass shit, but this is one of the best game environments on the slate when everyone will be focused on Miami-Buffalo.

Broncos fucking country, let’s ride again. I’m gurgling the well this week. The Bears have one of the worst defenses in the league again this season and Russ is beginning to cook. The only concern in this game is the Bears going full ass and not scoring enough to push the Broncos.

The Bengals have allowed the 5th-most yards per attempt and second-most yards per game in the NFL so far this year. King Henry is coming to town for a sack dragging. Not often in the past few years have we been able to get Henry at $7k and under 10% ownership. It’s time for a slate to be broken by him. This is a pretty dogshit game unless Henry busts off a few long ones and speeds up the pace.

D’Andre Swift has taken the Philly backfield by the sack. As 8.5-point home favorites the game script is expected to be extremely favorable for Swift and Washington has been horse-ass against the run to start the year. I thought his ownership would be higher than 15%, but he’s still somehow only $5.7k. He’s one of the best plays on the slate.

As much as I think he might be ass I’ll be playing Mattison. The Panthers have allowed the 5th most rushing yards in the NFL and the Vikings are 4.5-point favorites. There is a chance he still doesn’t score a rushing touchdown but if anyone is due for one it is him. He still somehow doesn’t fucking have one. The only other running back I’ll mention is Elijah Mitchell. There is a chance he gets enough usage against the Cardinals once they’re up big. Live shot of me when Mattison finally scores:

I’m going skinny this week on Richardson stacks. Josh Downs is playing a shit load of snaps and at $3.5k is one of the best values on the slate. I may slip a few Pittman lineups in but it’ll be mostly Richardson-Downs with Puka Nacua on the comeback. I don’t see any way Richardson doesn’t take his cock out on the Rams defense this week.

I’m operating under the assumption that the pornstar whisperer will play this week. This is one of my favorite stacks on the slate. Jimmy G-Davante-Jakobi with a Keenan Allen comeback. This might be a points chase with Keenan, but they are feeding him like a goose at the local pond and I don’t expect that to stop anytime soon, especially with the Mike Williams injury.

It’s tough to stack against the Bears with that offense in the state it’s in, but I’m doing it this week. Broncos fucking country. Russ-Jeudy-Sutton with a Moore/Mooney comeback is going to be a very low-owned, cheap stack that will allow me to play pretty much whoever I want with my other spots. The Bears D looks to be one of the worst in the league. Russ will cook. Live shot of me when Russ hits the boner on his 4th TD of the day:

A few other WRs I like this week:

• Waddler – If he plays I think they finally get him involved a bit.
• Higgins – The Titans have one of the worst pass defenses in the NFL and Burrow is getting back on track one of these weeks.
• Gabe Davis – This is a perfect spot to play Gabe. I’m fading this game outside of Gabe and Waddler.
• Justin Jefferson – It’s either Jefferson or Tyreek and I’m playing Jefferson. Breakup narrative.
• Jordan Addison/Thielen – This is one of my favorite mini stacks of the week. Thielen is going to uncoil his cock in the best revenge game on the slate.

I’m only considering 4 tight ends this week. They are Kmet, Ferguson, Ertz, and Mark Andrews. It makes me physically sick to click on a $5k TE, but Mark Andrews seems like an all-time buy-low opportunity. If I end up sucking my own dick so be it.

My favorite defenses of the week are Miami and Buffalo. If there is a way for the players in that game to go under their projections it’s defensive TDs. I’ll be playing both in a game that should have the most dropbacks on the slate. The others I’ll play are Tampa Bay, Baltimore, and Houston.

It’s time for the week 4 Cash God Guarantee. This week it’s Ja’Marr Chase. I’ve been complete dogshit on these so far this year. I’m fucking cursed. This one feels like a bit of a layup based on how fucking bad the Titans pass D is. They’ve allowed the 5th-most pass yards per game and it looked like Burrow was finally feeding him last week. This isn’t the best game on the slate but it’s one of the best spots for Chase at $7.8k. I can’t afford to be wrong this week. Live shot of me throughout the day on Sunday watching Chase:

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