The run did not end last week. It got worse. Chase was dogshit as Burrow looks like one of the worst players in the NFL. I switched to Aiden O’Connel when Pornstar whisperer was ruled out and that stack with Adams got me around 27 points total.
The account is going to be bone dry before long. I need a fucking win. It’s, once again, a battle between variance and my bank account.
This is going to be a disgusting week for me at QB. I’ve committed to not paying up at QB.
It’s Kirk week again. I saw him at the Twins game this past week and told him that my life savings is going on him this weekend. I can’t fade this game so I’ll just play the other side of Mahomes for cheaper and less ownership. This is the highest total on the slate and I assume KC will score around 60 themselves. The Vikings run game is fucking worthless, so Kirk should have an obscene amount of attempts.
It’s Danny fucking dimes time. He’s complete dog ass but all that means is it’s time to buy low against one of the best offenses in the league. All it takes is a couple rushing TDs at $5.8k and I’m helicopter dicking in the living room.
I’m probably going to play Anthony Richardson every week until the price is too high. The price isn’t too high and the Titans are a pass funnel. At $7k and under 10% ownership I have no choice. I briefly considered Dobby against Cincy, but the ceiling feels non-existent there and I can’t miss out on the Anthony Richardson train. Live shot of me when Richardson runs in his 3rd TD of the game:
Frankenstein is one of my favorite plays of the week. All I needed to see was the Q tag next to Gibbs. Not that the Lions are using Gibbs as much as they should anyway. It’s Swift all over again in Detroit, except Gibbs drags cock every time he touches the ball so I’m not sure what they’re doing. Either way Montgomery against one of the softest defenses in the league is as close to a free square as we will get.
If you think I’m not playing Raheem Mostert against the team that has allowed the most rushing TDs in the league think again. Achane is projected to be the highest owned RB and I’ll likely gurgle SOME chalk, but Mostert has value as a pivot and they’ve already shown to be viable at the same time.
The Eagles front 7 is stout, but they also have a great pass rush which means dick Staffy will be checking down all game. Kyren Williams time. This is also one of the better games on a slate that falls off a cliff after the top 2. Live shot of me when Williams gets his 10th target of the game:
The Kirk stacks are simple. If you’re not playing Jefferson just donate your entry fees to my account. Jefferson-Addison with a Kelce comeback is clearly the best stack, but I will be mixing in some Jefferson-Hockencock and a few Pacheco comebacks. This is the best game on the slate by far, I don’t think the 53.5 total does it justice. There’s a decent chance the Chiefs score 50 themselves on this Vikings limp dick of a defense.
Danny fucking dimes. Apparently it’s Wan’Dale Robinson chalk week and I’m walking right into it. My main stack with Dimes will be Rib Remover Waller along with Robinson and a Tyreek comeback. At some point Waddle is going to have a huge game and I won’t be the one to miss it.
I’ll be skinny stacking Richardson with either Downs or Pittman. An easy comeback is Henry. The Titans might be a pass funnel but there’s no need to go overboard when Richardson’s ceiling is tied to his rushing. I am going to be absolutely stroking my shit when he runs in his 3rd of the day and this game somehow shoots out. When I get asked what I’m doing immediately after that 3rd TD:
A few other WRs I like this week:
- Nico Collins – He has been absolutely dicks out 4 weeks into the season due to Stroud.
- DeAndre Hopkins – Another comeback option in the Richardson stacks.
- Rashee Rice – I’m balls deep. There is no limit to the players from this game.
- Adam Thielen – It’s not possible to fade him, especially at the Coors Field of NFL stadiums.
- Drake London – it’s finally time. His price is so fucking low ($4.7k). Riddler is one of the worst QBs in the league but at some point he has to have a big game.
I’m gurgling my own sack this week at TE. I’ll be playing Kelce, Pitts, Waller and Hockencock. Breaking all of my TE rules. I’ve already scheduled my rib removal surgery for Sunday morning. I’ll surely be seeing Waller there.
The defenses were difficult for me this week but I settled on Arizona, New Orleans, NYJ, and Kansas City. Gannon has the Cardinals playing harder than I’ve ever fucking seen.
It’s time for the week 5 Cash God Guarantee. It’s Breece Hall. I don’t know how his ownership projection is so low but at $5.4K this is the week he breaks the slate. I saw enough last week and am hearing that they are ready to let him loose with no pitch count. Luckily, that coincides with the Jets playing the Broncos, who are tied for the most rushing TDs allowed this season. I almost took the easy road and made Jefferson the CGG this week, but Hall is the play of the week and it’s not close. Live shot of me when he runs a 75 yard TD in and hits the rushing boner on the same play:
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The Cash God 