It might be a surprise to hear, but I got completely blasted by the slate again last week. We are nearing the halfway point of the season and this is my worst run yet. I played Lamar, but that wasn’t enough to overcome the Aaron Jones dud and got completely fucking wiped.

All I can say is variance is undefeated and there’s nothing I can do about it other than keep pounding. Live shot of DraftKings when it sees me clicking the deposit button for the third time this week:

It’s time for the plays.

I haven’t played one of the top-end QBs outside of Lamar yet this year but I’m busting Jalen Hurts out this week. This isn’t my favorite game on the slate but the matchup can’t be passed on. The Commanders are complete dogshit on defense and Hurts has yet to have one of those “remove the cock tape” type games. This is the week it happens. I’m all in.

Dak has had a largely underwhelming start to the season outside of last week, but a lot of that has been either a result of playing a good defense or the Cowboys blowing out a team (The Giants). They are 6.5 point home favorites this week against the Rams, but I think this could turn out to be the best game on the slate. We are getting to the point in the season where I’d rather play the indoor offenses. This game has the third highest total and the Rams have the ability to keep up. I could see this shooting out at lower ownership.

This third QB was tough. There are some really bad games on this slate, with multiple totals in the mid 30s. The Panthers defense has gone off the rails so I have no choice but to play CJ Stroud. I’m a little worried about the Panthers offense putting up enough of a fight in this game, but their defense has allowed over 35 points 3 times in the last 4 games. It’s time for Stroud to get back on track. When they ask me in 10 years about my week 7 stacks:

This first RB is not something I take pride in suggesting, but it’s time. Mattison somehow does not have a rushing TD yet this year and he’s looked so fucking bad, but this is the week. The Packers have one of the worst rushing defenses in the NFL, allowing over 140 per game (3rd worst in the league). Imagine seeing Mattison last year at $5.6k in a lead-back situation. He’d have been over 30% ownership. This week is his absolute last chance for me.

Another RB I like this week is Travis Etienne. The Steelers have struggled all year against the run and are allowing the 5th-most per game. His price is getting up there, but if the Jags are able to get some sort of lead in this game he should be a lock for mid 20s touches. At 10% ownership he’s a great mini pivot off of Kamara or Pollard.

I simply cannot believe this Breece Hall price, but I’m fading him. I can’t stomach over 30% ownership. If I get fucked by it I get fucked by it. I’m going all the way to the top and clicking McCaffrey. He looked good last week and played every single snap. This might be the only actual bell-cow situation left in the NFL. Live shot of me when CMC breaks the slate with a 50-bomb:

It’s pretty hard to not just do a Hurts-AJB stack but I’ll probably have a few Hurts-Smith ones mixed in. It pains me to have a comeback in this game, but it’ll likely be either Samuel or Scary fucking Terry. I’m really putting a lot of weight on this Commanders ass shit defense narrative.

The Dak stacks are simple for me. I don’t know how Michael Gallup got 10 targets last week but if that happens again I’m going dicks out. I’ll mostly have Dak-Lambo-Gallup with Puka or Kupp as a comeback. I’ll likely have more Puka because the teams get TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT for salary with Kupp.

These Stroud stacks are some of the best on the slate because of the price. You can basically slip anyone else in you want after the full blown stack. I won’t stray from Stroud-Collins-Dell with a Thielen comeback. That is a print fest. Live shot of me to my account if this week doesn’t finally pay off:

At TE I like Dalton Schultz so I’ll likely add him to some of the Stroud stacks. A few other TEs I like this week are Pitts and Logan Thomas. Pitts owes me nothing short of multiple millions so it’s finally time for him to start repaying those debts.

It’s time for the week 8 Cash God Guarantee. It’s time to bust out the lambo again. Lamb is in one of the best games on the slate this week (45.5 total), indoors, against an offense that has the ability to keep up. This is my favorite game of the week and Dak clearly doesn’t trust anyone as much as Lamb. At under 7% ownership projection this is my favorite play on the slate. What the leaderboards see in their rear view mirror around 2pm when Lamb is reeling in TDs: