I was at least cashing all day last week but then got the rug pulled at the last moment when the Chargers-Lions game went off. I’m so fucking tilted at the Jags offense. Holy fucking shit how do you get blasted that badly? When Aiyuk scored that first touchdown I was thinking I’d done it once again, but that game turned into dog shit so quickly.

I’m fighting for my fucking life here. Live shot of me viewing my DK deposits in the past month:

I’m going back to fucking Jared. These Lions games are getting out of control again and the Bears dogshit defense is coming to town this Sunday. The Bears have allowed the 7th most passing yards in the NFL this year and Fields should be able to keep the Bears somewhat in the game. This game has the highest total on the slate and I will be playing as much of it as possible.

I’m playing both sides of the Bears-Lions game. It’s time to bust Fields out of the garage again. At $6.9k we may never get a better price. I’m fucking shocked they’re letting him play again this year, but there’s no chance I’m fading him in the Coors Field of NFL stadiums in the highest total game on the slate where they are projected to be throwing all game. Talk about an eruption.

The other QB I like this week is Kyler. He looked a lot better than I was expecting in his return and ran it 6 times for a touchdown. He is still only $6.1k and now gets a Houston defense that is in the bottom 10 for pass yards against. We have to worry a bit about him grinding his cock off in Call of Duty all week, but hopefully, the novelty of the new game has worn off by now and he whips his dick out on live TV this Sunday. Live shot of me when he breaks the slate:

It appears to be Devin Singletary week. I’m fading and pivoting to Jerome Ford. The Cardinal’s run defense is fucking terrible, but a 30%+ ownership projection is something I cannot recommend in good faith. For $100 less, I’m playing Ford at a third of the ownership. The game is significantly worse but he can definitely get there against a struggling Steelers run D. I will vigorously whack it if this pivot pays off.

I’m going back to the Aaron Jones well. He completely fucked me last week, but I’m giving him another chance. The Chargers run defense is almost always bad, but they are coming off of a game where they allowed 200 yards rushing. Jones has had 24 and 17 touches in his past 2 games. At $6.2k against a dog ass run D what more could you ask for?

My favorite running back on the slate is Austin Ekeler. His ownership projection is somehow only 10%, but I will be playing him in nearly every lineup. He hasn’t had a slate-breaking game yet this year, but we all know one is coming. This is the week. The Packers are fucking ass shit against the run. Ekeler is by far the best RB play on the slate, all things considered. The broadcast team describing Ekeler after his 3rd TD of the game on Sunday:

I’ll be playing anyone and everyone in this Detroit-Chicago game. There is no cutoff. My favorite stack is Goff-ASB-Laporta, but I’ll mix in some Reynolds with some DJ Moore comebacks. This is the highest total on the slate so there is no limit to the players to play here. On the other side my favorite Fields stack is always skinny with either Kmet or Moore and an ASB comeback. I don’t mind always playing 2 Lions in this game regardless of how many Bears.

My favorite Kyler stack is with Marquise and Michael Wilson (Who the fuck) with a chalk gurgle of Tank Dell on the comeback. He will continue to be chalk until they price him more appropriately as a number one WR. This is another game where I don’t think there is really a limit to who I’ll play or how many players I’ll play from this game.

I’m going to try to go back to my roots at TE this week, but it might be difficult with Trey McBride and Dalton Schultz staring me in the face. I’m planning on playing those two, Kmet, and David Njoku. Njoku is pretty much uncoiling his cock on a weekly basis at this point. Live shot of those $4k+ TEs sucking their own dicks immediately when they hear I’m playing them this week:

The Commanders-Giants game is shaping up to be a sack fest. These two teams have allowed the most sacks in the NFL and it’s not even close. The Giants somehow have 20 more than the next team not named the Commanders. What the fuck? The Commanders have allowed 13 more than the next team. The Giants are a fucking dumpster fire, but their defense is playable at $3k against this team. The other defenses I like are the Jets (Saleh fuck ’em narrative) and the Seacocks.

It’s time for the week 11 Cash God Guarantee. This week it is ASB. This is my favorite game on the slate and the highest total. Somehow he is only projected at 12% ownership, but he is easily the best play. I don’t see how it’s possible that he doesn’t have a monster game at home against this Bears defense. I’m just hoping Fields takes his cock out too so that the game shoots out. Live shot of me waking up from an afternoon nap to a 4 TD eruption out of ASB:

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