I somehow went positive last week. It was the showdown slate that put me over the top. I was a Chase Edmonds touchdown away from winning a million on Monday night. One of these times variance will break my way. As they say, you never know when you will realize your EV. It’s time to fire it out on the slate again this week:

I’m going back to the fucking well like a donkey wandering around a desert. It’s Baker time. My favorite stack of the week is Baker with any combo of pass catchers, but my favorite is a Baker-Evans-Otton stack with as many Lions on the comeback as possible. Baker was feeding Otton like a goose at the local fucking pond last week and I expect nothing different this week. I’m just hoping we won’t have to endure another week where two complete fucking randos score touchdowns (Palmer and Moore).

There is nothing worse than seeing a defensive TD on these short slates while not owning that defense. The cock deflation is almost instantaneous. The ownership appears to be fairly evenly spread other than a few outliers (GB and Houston). I’ll consider playing Houston based on ownership alone, but probably will roll with SF.

Many of my lineups currently have a complete Houston, KC, and GB fade. I could see the Buffalo KC game being a bit ugly, but I’m a little worried it could turn into a classic shootout. At least I’ll have a sweat alive before that happens on Sunday night. Live shot of my cock deflating upon a Sunday Night Shootout:

I had a tough time with the running backs, but settled on CMC being a lock. The Packers run D is fucking terrible and I can’t imagine the Niners will be stopped more than once or twice all game. I don’t see how this game isn’t a blowout.

I’m a little tilted I won’t get another run at multiple milly makers in a single weekend, but a 4 gamer will have to do. There is nothing quite like a 2 day sweat.

It’s time for the Cash God Guarantee. It almost feels like a curse at this point, but it’s these Baker stacks. I’m going down with the ship if he starts sucking, but it’s time to fire the fucking cannons. The only thing that would make this better is if it was in Tampa where they could actually fire the cannons. The Lions D has regressed back to where they belong, amongst the worst in the league against the pass. Baker lives for these moments and there is not way he’s not going to uncoil his hose on this Lions team, win or lose. Baker and Odell discussing the next chest shitting: