There’s no other way to say this, but last week was one of the worst days on Draftkings yet. Waddle was so fucking bad, Kyler was ok but I can’t believe I hadn’t considered the Rodgers and Fields revenge game setup. That was the easiest play of the week and I blew it.

That will not happen again this week. I’m taking my dick out and swinging it around.

I saw enough out of that Bills defense to declare it one of the worst in the league. The Ravens are a bit of wagon on offense, but this Bills D is complete donkey cheeks, especially on the ground. It’s Justin Fields time. I regret not playing him last week and won’t be making the same mistake again this week. He and Garrett Wilson have one of the strongest shower narrative connections of all time. I’m all in on the Jets today and this season.

The second QB I’m playing this week is Caleb Williams. He got a lot of hate after Monday Night Football but people seemed to forget he was playing against one of the best defenses in the league. Ford Field is widely considered the Coors Field of the NFL. I will be stacking this game heavily. Everyone involved on both sides is underowned. I already have the number dialed to repair the wall for when my hog goes straight through after Caleb hits the 300 yard mark.

My first running back this week is James Conner. Absolute geezer. This guy got passed around this offseason in my dynasty league like a fucking hot potato. He got traded two or three times before the season and the price got lower each time. I almost got stuck with the bill. Having said that I’m playing him this week. The Panthers looked somehow worse than last year. I saw a clip of Bryce Young watching the scoreboard mini-games at one point. I didn’t like how much Benson played but Conner still got 16 touches.

I’m all aboard the Etienne train. Coen is swinging his cock around like no one has in Jacksonville in a long time. Did anyone else see Khan in the locker room after the game last week? He said they were going to win forever. I’m playing Etienne until the price is too high – that week has not come yet.

Besides the obvious stacks above (Wilson, Odunze, Amon-Ra, etc) my favorite receiver of the week is Malik Nabers. I’m going back to the fucking well. The Cowboys D is absolute horse cock this year. Russ needs to do SOMETHING this week and there is a bit of a squeaky wheel narrative at play here with Malik. This game could be a sneaky shooutout with how bad that Cowboys D looked. If Russ doesn’t get it done this week it’s over in New York.

I’m expecting a bit of a bounceback from the Bengals so I’ll be trying to get a piece of that game. Brian Thomas Jr. time this week. Lawrence missed a few throws but the Panthers were so ass cheeks that they didn’t even get pushed. I expect the Bengals to push them to throw more and BTJ WILL unveil the thrashing python, similar to how I’ll be unveiling it on my balcony when I vault to first place. Actual live shot on me when BTJ busts one:

They are totally fucking me with these tight end prices. I guess it’s time to suck chalk and play Harold Fannin Jr. I can only assume he will blow ass once I play him, but for that price I’ll gladly do it.

You couldn’t pay me to play Travis Kelce at $5k. I’m playing Tyler Warren. Danny Dimes had his dick out last week and I’d expect the same thing or maybe even more against a good Denver D.

It’s time. It’s time for the CGG. It’s Breece Hall. I already said it but that Bills run D has to be one of the worst or maybe the worst in the league. Breece looked as good as he has in years last week and we need to get in on the blowup early. This is the week. I’ve been seeing his backup Allen getting called “cement feet” a lot and that’s enough for me. I’m going 100%. We need some fucking redemption after last week’s Waddle. King of DFS is back, this will be clear after this week.