I got completely dick blasted last week. Nearly last place with a Wentz-Jefferson-Nailor stack. At least KOCK said that every time they put the tape on Nailor is open. That really helps my -90% ROI. I’m currently sitting through another loss on the Thursday night game. The Charboner touchdown being called back fucked me out of being live late into the fourth quarter. I need the biggest bounce back possible this week. It’s time to get the heater started.

My favorite QB of the week is Caleb Williams. The Raiders are turbo fucking dogshit on D they just allowed Mariota to go for 10 yards per attempt on them. Ben feeling the Johnson is just getting dialed in and I only expect it to get better each week. I’m not sure I’ve ever played him in my life and I’m hoping I don’t regret doing it this week.

The other QB I like this week is Patrick Mahomes. This game should be good and the Ravens offense just puts up points so it’ll finally let Mahomes take the hose out and swing it around a bit. If not, they truly need to consider rehiring Bieniemy or trading for Tyreek. Worthy is apparently back so that will open things up a bit. I desperately need one or both of these to hit. I am so fucked otherwise. How tight I’m gonna be gripping my shit when I hear that sweet sweet sound of “MAHOMESSSS GOING DEEP …….TO WORTHY!!!”:

I pretty much think it’s absolutely necessary to play James Cook this week and will be playing him in as many lineups as he fits. The Saints are complete dogshit and he has one of the highest ceilings on the slate. Coincidentally, my ceiling might need to be replaced after the spray geyser that will be occurring when he runs his third TD of the game in.

My second favorite running back this week is Omarion Hampton. First full game as the bell cow Harbaugh is going to pound him. I can assure you I will be along for that ride. The Giants are probably going to get dick blasted, but that outcome is actually incredible for Hampton. Live shot of me watching him break the 100 yard mark:

Odunze is obviously a complete lock in the Caleb stacks with some DJ Moore as well. In the Mahomes stacks I’ll reluctantly play Worthy and the fucking geezer Kelce. The other WRs I like this week are Zay Flowers in the comeback for the Mahomes stacks, AJ Brown in a high total game, Jakobi Meyers on the comeback in the Caleb stacks, and Ricky Pearsall against the dog cheeks Jags. I have no doubt in my mind he (Pearsall) will finally pay off. My season long bags also depend on this.

They are completely fucking me over on these tight ends this year. I’ve either fucked up the value play each week or there hasn’t been any value. Either are possible. This week (outside of Kelce in my Mahomes stacks) I like Njoku and Otton. This is finally the week where Njoku drags cock. I thought he’d have a magical connection with Flacco, but that hasn’t quite shown itself yet. I believe this is the week.

At D I’ll just go with the cheapest I can handle with some path to upside. I like New England against the Panthers – the Panthers have already folded their season in I think that one is pretty self explanatory. My next favorite is the Titans. This team is also somewhat of a dumpster fire but they are playing Houston who is complete donkey cheeks. Stroud forgot how to play football and the line forgot how to block. Lock it in.

Fade Malik Nabers or learn Jamaican?

It’s Nabers week. You can call it squeaky wheel you can call it Dart time you can call it whatever you want. I’m calling it a tape removal ceremony for the ages. It’s time for a slate breaker from Nabers and I’m certainly not going to miss it. I wouldn’t call this the best game on the slate by any means, but getting him under 10% ownership at $7k is enough for me. They should be in a perfect game script for a Nabers eruption- the Chargers have been absolutely sack dragging through 3 games. It’s gonna be a rough rough scene if this one doesn’t hit.