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Rocket Mortgage Classic Preview: Gurgling Down the Denny’s
This past week ended early for me. This time it wasn’t paint on the club it was “wrist soreness”. It might go without saying what that is from but I was hearing Bigdicki almost broke the record for times whacking it in a single day. That’ll leave anyone’s wrist fucked up so I completely understand.…
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3M Open Preview: Hadwin and the Pelter
I finally saw some green on Draftkings this past week. Holy shit it was a bad run. Let me first start by saying that Brooks Koepka should never have more than 0% ownership going forward. If there was ever a time for him to not act like a limp, dead penis it was this past…
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The Open Preview: Brooks and the Brain
I’m not sure how many weeks we are into this, but at what point do we assess whether it’s bad variance or a horrific process? I’m going to say it’s just bad variance. There is nothing worse than opening the app on Friday evening and seeing several lineups with 5 fucking MCs. The weekly tradition…
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UFC Fight Night Dos Anjos vs. Fiziev Preview: Nina Nunes and Leverage
I went full-blown donkey dick last week. I’m not sure what the fuck I was thinking with Clark going against the armbar queen. Strickland was also a massive mistake. Needless to say, my lineup was near dead last and I need to deposit again. I’ll get right into the plays for this week. The first…
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Genesis Scottish Open Preview: The Joker and Positive Regression
Stanley Steamer made an entrance last weekend and took a fucking dump into Adam Hadwin’s open mouth. I don’t know what was worse between him missing the cut or me playing him at $10k and 20%+ ownership. I thought he was the best player in the field and I was clearly wrong. He fucking sucked…
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UFC 276: Adesanya vs. Cannonier Preview: Miller Time and Cerrone’s Pasture Ceremony
Last week would have been completely dicks out had Kelleher not had his nutsack forcibly inserted into his own mouth by Bautista. There was some chatter about him looking like complete dogshit in the face-off before the fight so maybe I should have taken that more into consideration. Regardless, it was a pretty good result…
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John Deere Classic Preview: Davis and the Geezer
It’s hard to imagine it going much worse than it did last week. I’m going into the tournament worried about the two $6k scrubs in my lineup while Jason Day and Joaquin Niemann proceed to disgrace the sport of golf with their performances on Thursday and Friday. I also might officially retire from playing Patrick…
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UFC Fight Night Tsarukyan vs. Gamrot Preview: Moises and the Tank
Last week got fucked because the Lauzon fight was canceled. I was reading somewhere that Lauzon was piping one of the cleaners in his hotel shower pre-fight, slipped a bit, and tweaked his knee. I watched an entire video of him getting treatment on it and that’s the conclusion I came to as well. His…
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Travelers Championship Preview: Cantplay and the Scrubs
I’m not even sure where to start with the recap this week. Hovland had his sack repeatedly slapped with the flat side of a driver en route to a +7 missed cut. Fleetwood Mac looked like a fucking corpse for two straight days and matched that score. I don’t know that I’ve had a worse…
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UFC Fight Night Kattar vs. Emmett Preview: The Buckler
This is the first week of a new set of articles for MMA. I’ll be picking 6 fighters each week to create The Cash God’s lineup. It’s time for the picks. I’ll start with Cody Stamann. Stamann is poised to beat Wineland harder than I beat my dick every morning. At $9.5k he is the…
The Cash God 