The Cash God

Category: NFL

Monday Night Football DFS Preview: The Freier and the D

I faded Garrett Wilson when I saw a 30%+ ownership projection and he proceeded to remove his dick from his shorts and swing it around at less than half of that. Mike White appears to be the real deal and they play the Vikings next week so I’ll be noting that for the main slate.…

November 28, 2022
Week 12 NFL DFS Preview: Hide the Cameraman

After getting almost last on Monday after the Rondale Moore injury, it became worse on Thursday. Pollard was fucking terrible and I ended up with a few too many double Bills RB. That alone should be enough to automatically deactivate my DraftKings account. I had no faith in the Kirk stacks without Darrisaw and against…

November 25, 2022
Thanksgiving Day Slate NFL DFS Preview: Jared Goes Diggs Out

Maybe this goes without saying, but I got completely fucked by the Rondale Moore injury on Monday and my night was over on what was pretty much the first play. I could hardly watch the game. Good thing we have a short week and a 3-game slate on Thursday. While everyone gurgles down turkey I’ll…

November 23, 2022
Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Moore Colt

I opened the app at about 12:45 central and immediately had my pants split at the crotch seeing that I was in first. I then got completely fucked by the second half of the early games and the late games. Playing Ben Skowronek, Kenyan Drake, and Brian Robinson was so fucking bad I deserved my…

November 21, 2022
Week 11 NFL DFS Preview: Gabe Davis and the Dome

Bears GM, Tank Commander Poles woke up with the biggest erection of his life on Monday morning after seeing Fields blast off and lose (salvaging their top 5 pick odds). Fields is clearly in play every week now that HC Eberflus has removed his head from his own anus. Nothing went egregiously wrong last week.…

November 18, 2022
Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Hurts and the Double RB

I got fucking blasted. The week I play the Miami stack is the week they gurgle their own sacks at their highest cumulative price in a game where they scored 39 as a team. Going down from Amon-Ra St. Brown to Cooper in almost every situation possible was also a mistake. There was no overcoming…

November 14, 2022
Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Saquon and the Well

It’s been a terrible two-week stretch. This time it wasn’t the chalk hitting, it was Joe fucking Mixon. The only thing more tilting than chalk variance is a running back averaging about 3 yards per carry randomly rushing for 150 and 5 TDs. It didn’t matter how many of my lineups contained Cameraman Pusher, I…

November 11, 2022
Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Likely Solo Kamara

It really began to set in when I got the Mixon touchdown notification for the third time that my day was fucking over. It didn’t end there. He kept pounding. Between 0 Mixon and Aaron Jones finding his floor, I got absolutely dick-dusted. I think it’s safe to say a few things: 1) Herbert is…

November 7, 2022
Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Jones and the Sherbert Explosion

I described it in detail in the Monday Night Football write-up, but I lost it all on Sunday. No Kamara and fading the Pollard chalk was enough to cancel out any profit. After looking at the winning lineups I take some solace in the fact that these had to be some of the all-time chalkiest…

November 4, 2022
Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Double Kicker and the Chubb

I could hardly open the DraftKings app on Sunday. I inexplicably faded Tony Pollard, got slapped in the face by the long dick of the law in Alvin Kamara, and finished near the bots in almost all of my contests. I don’t want to see any victory lapping about Pollard. He barely played over 50%…

October 31, 2022