The Cash God

Category: NFL

Week 8 NFL DFS Preview: Hopkins and an Unrelenting Hill

I already lamented over the paint job to the face I received from the slate last week in the Monday Night Preview article. Josh Jacobs‘ chalk hitting, DK Metcalf‘s injury, and the Falcons’ egregious pass rate did me in. How the fuck did Atlanta only throw the ball 13 times? My only solution is that…

October 28, 2022
Monday Night Football Preview: Frankenstein and the Dart

The slate wasn’t really that bad for me until DK Metcalf got injured and it all started crumbling. Shortly after that Josh Jacobs unveiled his foot-long python on the Texans’ defense and the day was over for me. Somehow the Raiders scored 38 points and Davante Adams didn’t score a touchdown. The highlight of the…

October 24, 2022
Week 7 NFL DFS Preview: King Henry and the Point Chase

Starting off my lineups last week with Kirk, Lamar, or Kyler clearly was not a winning formula, but getting onto Tyreek and Mark Andrews allowed me to salvage my sack from a total loss. Return to the Superdome narrative against a dogshit Saints defense missing Lattimore should have been at the forefront of my mind…

October 21, 2022
Monday Night Football Preview: Russ and Hackkjob Finally Cook

I don’t know what else to say other than the Kirk stacks were a fucking terrible idea. The Dolphins’ offense was limper than Matt Ryan’s penis elbow so there was absolutely no speeding up the pace of the game, despite the Vikings’ defense being possibly the worst in the league. Even the Bears scored 20…

October 17, 2022
Week 6 NFL DFS Preview: Action Jackson and the TE Hogs

Chalk James Robinson and the 22% Cowboys D drained my profit along with my dick faster than I thought was humanly possible on Sunday afternoon. I had a few Josh Allen to Gabe Davis/Shakir lineups, but went way too heavy on Herbert to Mike Williams and completely faded the Bucs-Falcons game where Uncle Fourskin left…

October 14, 2022
Monday Night Football Preview: JuJu Unveils and the Kelce Fade

If there was any doubt that games are rigged for Brady, look no further than that “roughing the passer” call that cost the Falcons the fucking game. Brady got swung down like a flaccid piece of lettuce, but he had the ball the entire time. I don’t know how you watch another game as a…

October 10, 2022
Week 5 Preview: Big Mike and the Volcano

I liked Geno going into last week, but there’s no way I could have predicted that type of game from him. He was swinging his cock around the field like he was back in West Virginia circa 2012. I went a little heavier on Lamar than I should have and faded Hockencock so that ultimately…

October 7, 2022
Monday Night Football Preview: The Rams Onslaught

My Lamar double stacks and zero Hockencock were the nails in the coffin to my chances of profiting on Sunday. Variance caught up to me a bit with none of my Geno stacks having Hockencock as the comeback. That’s inexcusably bad, but I couldn’t stomach the high ownership and saw Goff relentlessly feed Reynolds last…

October 3, 2022
Week 4 Preview: Taylor and the Paint Job

I mentioned it in the Monday recap, but I’ll say it again because with variance you never know how many net positive weeks you’ll get. I finally dragged my dick on the slate last week. On my initial lineup run, I ended up with 75% Mack Hollins because of how expensive the Mahomes–Kelce stacks were…

September 30, 2022
Monday Night Football Preview: Unleash Jake Ferguson

I forgot what it was like to win multiple weeks in a row. PGA DFS did an absolute fucking paint job on my bank account, but now we are cooking with gas in NFL through 3 weeks (outside of the mushroom stamp that was put onto my face in week 1). Despite going heavy Mahomes,…

September 26, 2022