The Cash God

Category: NFL

  • Week 3 Preview: Chase and the Long Spray

    Week 3 Preview: Chase and the Long Spray

    It’s a little early in the year for the slate to flow through me like it did this past week, but I’d like to report that the pants I wore on Sunday look as if a steel fucking pole the shape and size of a Pringles can got strapped to a firework and blasted through…

  • Week 2 Preview: Dick Chubb’s Eruption

    Week 2 Preview: Dick Chubb’s Eruption

    Week 1 was fucking terrible for me. Truly one of the worst weeks of all time. I take solace in the fact that it seems like the chalk hit, which means my contrarian-focused GPP lineups would be complete shit. That’s what I call variance. To top it all off on Sunday afternoon (I was obviously…

  • Week 1 Preview: Moore Spray Paint

    Week 1 Preview: Moore Spray Paint

    I can finally stop jacking it to Scott Hanson red zone highlight reels. The season is upon us. There wasn’t a bank account on earth that needed NFL DFS to start more than mine. I was getting completely dick blasted every fucking week by PGA. All variance of course. My response to anyone that asks…

  • Divisional Round Preview: Big Mike

    I took an absolute bath last week in both slates and the showdown. I played Jimmy G and got what I deserved. I do think the process was there despite the outcome. The Cowboy’s offense went full Darren Waller on us, preventing any possibility of a shootout. A Mike McCarthy special in the playoffs. The…

  • Week 18 Preview: Taysom’s Hill

    I am writing this article through the pain as I see Drew Lock run into the endzone for his second TD. My lineup is dead on impact for this dogshit Saturday slate. Some of these slates are similar to throwing at a dartboard with your eyes closed. My Saturday lineup has a Cowboys triple stack…

  • Week 17 Preview: Mixon Up a Batch

    It’s that time of the week again. Time to make a DK deposit. They call me the fastest deposit in the west – If I see overlay in the Milly Maker I’m obligated to fire. Before I get into the plays I’d like to mention the weather because we will inevitably have the pregame panic…

  • Week 16 Preview: Shit Chest’s Return

    I have begun to take the “first or last” thing in GPPs very literally. In my last three milly makers I have been just above slabs of shit that forgot to enter their lineups in the morning. I’ve heard a few complaints about mentioning variance too many times in these writeups. All I have to…

  • Week 15 Preview: Gallup to a Million

    I’m in Arizona this week and added another layer to my degeneracy. I fired a few free bets from the DK Sportsbook on 15-team NFL parlays and lost all of them on the first game (Pats +2.5). Bill Belicheck took his old, dangling nutsack and brought it into his own mouth while kicking a 20-something…

  • Week 14 Preview: CeeDeez Nuts

    Last week was one of the more tilting weeks of DFS for me. I was in Washington so I couldn’t even play after going about 20 for 20 on players including a Justin Jefferson CGG. I can still take a victory lap for the one week of the year that I am dicks out. The…

  • Week 13 Preview: Fire Up the Jetta

    Sometimes when you look at your ROI it won’t tell you the whole story. -90% might not be that bad if the process is there. The shit chest narrative hit in a big way last week. Odell got drilled in the chest early in the 4th. He and Stafford have clearly established a connection on…