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Sony Open DFS Preview: HealedNeki and the Geezer
Last week, I picked a winner in Papa Jon and had Zalatoris at 8%. Unfortunately, Billy Horsecock had one of the worst tournaments of his life and finished close to last. He had to be one of the only players to shoot over par on any of the four days. I will be noting that…
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Sentry Tournament of Champions Preview: Will the Thrill
We are back. My golf mind is rested and I am ready to win back all that has been lost over the past months. This is actually a good field to start the year so no Viagra is needed for this one. It’s time for the plays. Almost no one had a more disappointing season…
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RSM Classic Preview: Griffin and the Course History
Last week was the first 6/6 in a long time, but Aaron Wise prevented me from winning anything meaningful. He started out T1 after a -5 first round and began his sack gurgling routine on Friday, finishing T22. Scheffler finished T9, which was actually pretty fucking bad for the field, another week without the number…
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Houston Open Preview: Wise and Scheffler’s Quest
I’m slamming the Viagra for these golf slates. There’s no option. I just missed a min-cash on my single entry last week as a result of S.H. Kim performing a dick-gurgling routine on himself. Onto another horrific field. The new year cannot come quick enough for these golf events. S.H. and I both gurgling on…
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World Wide Technology Championship Preview: Iron Man and the Geezer
This line is going to sound familiar because it happened in NFL too. I stopped looking at my lineup sometime on Saturday because of the 3 fucking missed cuts that stained my screen. I’m grasping at straws for something to blame, but it’s just so difficult to get your dick hard for some of these…
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Butterfield Bermuda Championship Preview: S.H. Kim and the Jaegerbombs
I said this a few weeks ago, but I’m rescinding it now because this one somehow tops it. This is the worst field of all time. I get fucking blasted by NFL this weekend and this is what I open up the PGA section of the app and see. I didn’t think there was a…
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The CJ Cup Preview: Hovland and the Dustballs
I have a lot of respect for my fellow degens still grinding these golf tournaments with me. I got blasted last week as a result of Bigdicki having the worst round of his life on his home course. Matt Wallace also appeared to forget what a golf club was on his way to a 64th-place…
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ZOZO Championship DFS Preview: Bigdicki and the Ball Strikers
In hindsight, the Cantplay fade looked like absolute dog ass, but at 40% ownership, I think you can make the argument that it wasn’t that bad. His collapse on Sunday was borderline poetic. I was a Denny McCarthy dick gurgling away from a 6/6 single entry, but at least Kim uncoiled his python and finished…
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Shriners Children’s Open Preview: Kim and the Well
I’ve been playing single entry in these shit PGA tournaments. This week was fucking horrific, but I like how the lineup ended up ownership-wise. I stayed away from the Cock Burns and Montgomery chalk, but unfortunately, the Montgomery chalk hit and he finished 9th. I also had 3 MCs (Posten, Mullinax, and Endycock) in my…
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Sanderson Farms Championship Preview: A Grand Slam Breakfast
What the fuck is Sanderson Farms? I will need a full jar of Viagra for this one because this is one of the worst tournaments/fields you’ll ever see. I’m coming off of a good week in PGA despite how bad the Draftkings contests were for the Presidents Cup. I gurgled chalk like there was no…
The Cash God 