The Cash God

Category: PGA

  • John Deere Classic Preview: Davis and the Geezer

    It’s hard to imagine it going much worse than it did last week. I’m going into the tournament worried about the two $6k scrubs in my lineup while Jason Day and Joaquin Niemann proceed to disgrace the sport of golf with their performances on Thursday and Friday. I also might officially retire from playing Patrick…

  • Travelers Championship Preview: Cantplay and the Scrubs

    Travelers Championship Preview: Cantplay and the Scrubs

    I’m not even sure where to start with the recap this week. Hovland had his sack repeatedly slapped with the flat side of a driver en route to a +7 missed cut. Fleetwood Mac looked like a fucking corpse for two straight days and matched that score. I don’t know that I’ve had a worse…

  • U.S. Open Preview: Hovland and the Wandering Donkey

    U.S. Open Preview: Hovland and the Wandering Donkey

    My nightmare came true this past week. Rory fucking won it. I also had to endure Brandon Wu withdrawing before the tournament began, absolutely dick dusting my single entry lineup. Then Hatton and Schwab took turns shitting on each other throughout Thursday and Friday. All things considered, it was a top 5 worst possible result.…

  • RBC Canadian Open Preview: Shane the Brain and the PJ

    RBC Canadian Open Preview: Shane the Brain and the PJ

    I ended up getting completely fucked last week. I had a few lineups that were in the mix on Sunday, but I had way too much Bigdicki and Morikawa to profit. Who the fuck allowed Bigdicki to have that painted club in his bag? I don’t understand how that made it through the process and…

  • The Memorial Tournament Preview: Cantplay’s Steele Pole

    The Memorial Tournament Preview: Cantplay’s Steele Pole

    I thought I was in a great spot heading into the weekend with double the field on 6/6s in my tournament. I thought wrong. Cockrack became a sack of shit and Scheffler blew the lead. I had 100% Cockrack thinking he’d contend for the win but he could not overcome the brick that came out…

  • Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Cockrack Defends the Throne

    Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Cockrack Defends the Throne

    I got what I deserved by making Uncle Dustball Johnson the Cash God Guarantee last week. The guy forgot his Viagra at home and limp-dicked his way through two +3 rounds to miss the cut. I’m not sure what else I expected. Another massive disappointment was Daniel Berger. The Burgers were undercooked and everyone involved…

  • PGA Championship Preview: Dusty Johnson and the Hits

    PGA Championship Preview: Dusty Johnson and the Hits

    Going into the weekend I thought I had finally done it. I had 32/150 lineups that were 6/6, but I seemingly overlooked the K.H. Lee narrative that has him winning the tournament every year and Munoz began to viciously shit onto his own face on Sunday. I also didn’t play any Spieth, Xander, or Matsuyama…

  • AT&T Byron Nelson Preview: Power Hour

    AT&T Byron Nelson Preview: Power Hour

    Last week was bad, real bad. I tried to chase the golf losses with NBA slates and just ended up paying Jason Robins a few more dollars. I am the rake. Woodcock was a complete failure. I am almost convinced he should retire at this point. If he’s getting completely dick-dusted in tournaments like that,…

  • Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Sergio and the Jet

    Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Sergio and the Jet

    I had a great single-entry lineup outside of Kramer fucking Hickock. I couldn’t find a better play and the name just fit. I cashed though, finally. It was min-cash of course, but profit is profit. Rahm was absolute dicks out from start to finish. He somehow only won by one stroke, which seems low considering…

  • Mexico Open Preview: Na and Adam Long’s Python

    Mexico Open Preview: Na and Adam Long’s Python

    Power hour was dragged down by the sack of shit that is McDowell. Between that duo and the Weinereski-Uihlein combo missing the cut I had no chance at cashing. I tried to chase the losses with a few NBA slates and put together one of the worst lineups in the entire field. I ended up…