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Sanderson Farms Championship Preview: A Grand Slam Breakfast
What the fuck is Sanderson Farms? I will need a full jar of Viagra for this one because this is one of the worst tournaments/fields you’ll ever see. I’m coming off of a good week in PGA despite how bad the Draftkings contests were for the Presidents Cup. I gurgled chalk like there was no…
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Monday Night Football Preview: Unleash Jake Ferguson
I forgot what it was like to win multiple weeks in a row. PGA DFS did an absolute fucking paint job on my bank account, but now we are cooking with gas in NFL through 3 weeks (outside of the mushroom stamp that was put onto my face in week 1). Despite going heavy Mahomes,…
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Week 3 Preview: Chase and the Long Spray
It’s a little early in the year for the slate to flow through me like it did this past week, but I’d like to report that the pants I wore on Sunday look as if a steel fucking pole the shape and size of a Pringles can got strapped to a firework and blasted through…
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President’s Cup Preview: Scheffler’s Wood
I made a single-entry lineup for last week’s absolute dog shit tournament and it was definitely one of my worst. I had 4 MCs and the Cash God Guarantee sucked his own sack. Meanwhile, Danny Willet on 18 looked like a random guy at your local course 15 beers deep trying to finish the round…
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Fortinet Championship Preview: Hideki’s Steele Pole
The PGA is back and holy shit this has to be one of the worst fields I’ve ever seen. When Taylor Pendrith is the 6th highest priced guy it’s clear what type of field we are working with. It’s extremely difficult to get your dick hard for anything like this, but there are GPPs to…
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Tour Championship Preview: Thomas and the Hole in my Wall
The Cash God is back. Just in time for NFL. I min cashed the big fucking papa. There is nothing better than seeing that bag of money on the Draftkings app even if it was a net loss of a week. Bigdicki and Spieth started out hot but gurgled a bit on Saturday and Sunday…
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BMW Championship Preview: Spieth and the Bigdicki WD Narrative
Steele pole fucked my lineup. I still ended up almost cashing despite a 5/6. I would have taken a min cash at this point. This is the worst streak of my life. I think we start to question the process a little, but playing a single lineup makes the margin for error thinner than my…
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FedEx St. Jude Championship Preview: Hovland’s Steele Pole
Webb Simpson needs to rename his daughter. He disgraced her name with his performance last week at the Wyndham Championship. The number of golfers that WD when they are a piece of my lineup is the worst fucking variance imaginable. Another 4/6. I am chomping at the bit for the NFL to start. Playing preseason…
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Wyndham Championship Preview: Webby and the Thrill
My single entry went 4/6. Denny McCarthy and I both gurgled our own fucking nutsacks all weekend. I’m not sure what was worse, him missing the cut or me playing Frittelli. The fact that he shot over par with the way the course played is an embarrassment to the sport. In other news, Cockrack is…
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Rocket Mortgage Classic Preview: Gurgling Down the Denny’s
This past week ended early for me. This time it wasn’t paint on the club it was “wrist soreness”. It might go without saying what that is from but I was hearing Bigdicki almost broke the record for times whacking it in a single day. That’ll leave anyone’s wrist fucked up so I completely understand.…
The Cash God 