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3M Open Preview: Hadwin and the Pelter
I finally saw some green on Draftkings this past week. Holy shit it was a bad run. Let me first start by saying that Brooks Koepka should never have more than 0% ownership going forward. If there was ever a time for him to not act like a limp, dead penis it was this past…
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The Open Preview: Brooks and the Brain
I’m not sure how many weeks we are into this, but at what point do we assess whether it’s bad variance or a horrific process? I’m going to say it’s just bad variance. There is nothing worse than opening the app on Friday evening and seeing several lineups with 5 fucking MCs. The weekly tradition…
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Genesis Scottish Open Preview: The Joker and Positive Regression
Stanley Steamer made an entrance last weekend and took a fucking dump into Adam Hadwin’s open mouth. I don’t know what was worse between him missing the cut or me playing him at $10k and 20%+ ownership. I thought he was the best player in the field and I was clearly wrong. He fucking sucked…
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Travelers Championship Preview: Cantplay and the Scrubs
I’m not even sure where to start with the recap this week. Hovland had his sack repeatedly slapped with the flat side of a driver en route to a +7 missed cut. Fleetwood Mac looked like a fucking corpse for two straight days and matched that score. I don’t know that I’ve had a worse…
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U.S. Open Preview: Hovland and the Wandering Donkey
My nightmare came true this past week. Rory fucking won it. I also had to endure Brandon Wu withdrawing before the tournament began, absolutely dick dusting my single entry lineup. Then Hatton and Schwab took turns shitting on each other throughout Thursday and Friday. All things considered, it was a top 5 worst possible result.…
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RBC Canadian Open Preview: Shane the Brain and the PJ
I ended up getting completely fucked last week. I had a few lineups that were in the mix on Sunday, but I had way too much Bigdicki and Morikawa to profit. Who the fuck allowed Bigdicki to have that painted club in his bag? I don’t understand how that made it through the process and…
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Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Cockrack Defends the Throne
I got what I deserved by making Uncle Dustball Johnson the Cash God Guarantee last week. The guy forgot his Viagra at home and limp-dicked his way through two +3 rounds to miss the cut. I’m not sure what else I expected. Another massive disappointment was Daniel Berger. The Burgers were undercooked and everyone involved…
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PGA Championship Preview: Dusty Johnson and the Hits
Going into the weekend I thought I had finally done it. I had 32/150 lineups that were 6/6, but I seemingly overlooked the K.H. Lee narrative that has him winning the tournament every year and Munoz began to viciously shit onto his own face on Sunday. I also didn’t play any Spieth, Xander, or Matsuyama…
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AT&T Byron Nelson Preview: Power Hour
Last week was bad, real bad. I tried to chase the golf losses with NBA slates and just ended up paying Jason Robins a few more dollars. I am the rake. Woodcock was a complete failure. I am almost convinced he should retire at this point. If he’s getting completely dick-dusted in tournaments like that,…
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Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Sergio and the Jet
I had a great single-entry lineup outside of Kramer fucking Hickock. I couldn’t find a better play and the name just fit. I cashed though, finally. It was min-cash of course, but profit is profit. Rahm was absolute dicks out from start to finish. He somehow only won by one stroke, which seems low considering…
The Cash God 