The Cash God

Tag: comedy

  • Week 5 NFL DFS Preview: Jakobi Please

    Week 5 NFL DFS Preview: Jakobi Please

    I can’t say last week went well. I landed on Hampton but suffered through a Malik Nabers torn ACL and a Caleb Williams stack. I’m close to folding it in for the season. I ask this a lot, but does anyone run worse? Have you ever seen variance go the wrong way for someone so…

  • Week 4 NFL DFS Preview: Nabers Saves My Season

    Week 4 NFL DFS Preview: Nabers Saves My Season

    I got completely dick blasted last week. Nearly last place with a Wentz-Jefferson-Nailor stack. At least KOCK said that every time they put the tape on Nailor is open. That really helps my -90% ROI. I’m currently sitting through another loss on the Thursday night game. The Charboner touchdown being called back fucked me out…

  • The Masters Preview: Iron Man and the Hits

    The Masters Preview: Iron Man and the Hits

    GEOOOOOOORGIA. GEOOOOORGIA. GEOOOOOOORGIA ON MY MIIIIIIIIIND. I’m back and there’s not a fucking chance I’m passing up on a chance at a million this weekend. There are so many story lines this week and I’m jacking it like no other. I’ve barely recovered from last year when Zalatoris withdrew prior to taking a single swing,…

  • Week 17 NFL DFS Preview: Swift and the Chalk Guzzle

    Week 17 NFL DFS Preview: Swift and the Chalk Guzzle

    Last week was nearly a legacy week. I’m going to skip what happened on Sunday. The Monday slate was where my cock started creeping out of my shorts. Zamir White had the game of his life and I was a Pacheco injury away from a full blown helicopter. It’s time for week 17. My favorite…

  • NFL DFS Week 14 Preview: Mixon Up a Batch

    NFL DFS Week 14 Preview: Mixon Up a Batch

    Last week was somehow good. I had Purdy and Deebo, but completely fucked up the running backs with Bijan and Warren. I’m not sure what was going o with Warren other than a self dick gurgling ceremony. Regardless, I had a good lineup and profited on the week. It’s been a bad year, so it…

  • Week 4 NFL DFS Preview: I Chase Losses

    Week 4 NFL DFS Preview: I Chase Losses

    I lost everything again last week. Bijan had his worst week of the season and Fields was somehow almost worse. I had way too much of those two along with Mike Williams and got completely blasted for all of my entry fees. This has been an all-time bad year. I’m either fucking terrible or variance…

  • The Open Preview: Spieth and Leeeeeeverage

    The Open Preview: Spieth and Leeeeeeverage

    Well well well we have arrived at the final major of the year. It seemed like just a few days ago when we were begging for anything in the worst fields of the year during the month of January. I’m going to get it out of the way early. This is an all-time Rory fade…

  • Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank

    Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank

    Cam Young, Adam Schenk, and Denny all brought their dicks out, and so did I. That field was so bad so it was difficult to watch any of it regardless of results. A familiar name graces the top of the field this week. One of these times my keyboard is getting snapped in half by…

  • John Deere Classic Preview: The Grand Slam Breakfast

    John Deere Classic Preview: The Grand Slam Breakfast

    I’m back after recovering from what was an absolute fucking disaster at the U.S. Open. I cashed 0 of my lineups as Homa missed the cut and the rest of my plays gurgled their own fucking dicks for 36-72 holes. I’m still so tilted. Good thing this John Deere Classic field isn’t one of the…

  • U.S. Open Preview: Homa and Iron Man to a Million

    U.S. Open Preview: Homa and Iron Man to a Million

    Adrian Meronk cost me another 6/6 this past week. I couldn’t bear to watch after I saw that he missed the cut by one fucking stroke. That tournament didn’t matter I’m already onto the U.S. Open. The only thing that brings me solace is that Rory did not end up winning. The sample of fading…