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Week 1 NFL DFS Preview: Jet Blasts Off
We are fucking back. 2 games in and I’m already down 100%. I was parading around almost all week about not drafting anyone over the age of 26, even going as far as taking an early victory lap after Mark Andrews removed a rib and sucked his own dick on Thursday night. Then Barkley had…
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NFL DFS Week 1 Preview: Cooper and the Super Genius
The time is once again upon us. I barely made it through the PGA season without taking out a fucking loan to cover my weekly losses. It all started with the Zalatoris WD in April. I never recovered. I’m back and it’s time to win it all back in one week. I’m finishing this immediately…
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NFL Championship Sunday DFS Preview: Skeleton Key Perine and the Chase Fade
I kept it fucking rolling last week until Saturday night at around 1am when I degen-entered the Sunday-only slate. I still ended up with a good week despite losing every single entry on the Sunday-only slate. Another 2 game slate this weekend with only 4 teams left. It’s more important than ever to really pick…
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NFL Divisional Round DFS Preview: Deebo and I Jag Off
The Saturday and Sunday slates last week were a few of my best of the season. On Saturday I thought I had fucked up so badly with Lawrence throwing 4 picks in the first half. But then, foot by foot, his pants snake crept out of hiding. I’m looking to keep it rolling this weekend…
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Wild Card Sunday NFL DFS Special: Barkley, Hodgins and the Thielen Curtain Call
DraftKings had a few options this weekend, but they didn’t make it a 6-game slate, or even a 5-game Saturday-Sunday slate. The good news with that is that we have more shots on goal. The bad news is that I *could* be losing 3 times as much money this weekend. Or maybe I take my…
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Week 18 NFL DFS Main Slate Preview: McCaffrey and the Dustballs
I’d first like to say that it was great to hear some positive news regarding Damar Hamlin on Thursday/Friday and hopefully we continue to hear good things and we hope for the best in the coming days. I don’t have much of a recap other than I had another -95% ROI day on Sunday. I…
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Week 17 NFL DFS Main Slate Preview: Etienne and the Pendulum
I was coming off one of my worst DFS Sundays of the season on Monday. I then sit back to watch the Colts-Chargers game with two season-long teams needing about 5 points out of Dick Folds to advance. I was relaxed. What Folds do? He proceeds to gurgle his own dick like it’s the last…
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Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Hurts and the Double RB
I got fucking blasted. The week I play the Miami stack is the week they gurgle their own sacks at their highest cumulative price in a game where they scored 39 as a team. Going down from Amon-Ra St. Brown to Cooper in almost every situation possible was also a mistake. There was no overcoming…
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Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Saquon and the Well
It’s been a terrible two-week stretch. This time it wasn’t the chalk hitting, it was Joe fucking Mixon. The only thing more tilting than chalk variance is a running back averaging about 3 yards per carry randomly rushing for 150 and 5 TDs. It didn’t matter how many of my lineups contained Cameraman Pusher, I…
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Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Jones and the Sherbert Explosion
I described it in detail in the Monday Night Football write-up, but I lost it all on Sunday. No Kamara and fading the Pollard chalk was enough to cancel out any profit. After looking at the winning lineups I take some solace in the fact that these had to be some of the all-time chalkiest…
The Cash God 