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Genesis Scottish Open Preview: The Joker and Positive Regression
Stanley Steamer made an entrance last weekend and took a fucking dump into Adam Hadwin’s open mouth. I don’t know what was worse between him missing the cut or me playing him at $10k and 20%+ ownership. I thought he was the best player in the field and I was clearly wrong. He fucking sucked…
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UFC 276: Adesanya vs. Cannonier Preview: Miller Time and Cerrone’s Pasture Ceremony
Last week would have been completely dicks out had Kelleher not had his nutsack forcibly inserted into his own mouth by Bautista. There was some chatter about him looking like complete dogshit in the face-off before the fight so maybe I should have taken that more into consideration. Regardless, it was a pretty good result…
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Travelers Championship Preview: Cantplay and the Scrubs
I’m not even sure where to start with the recap this week. Hovland had his sack repeatedly slapped with the flat side of a driver en route to a +7 missed cut. Fleetwood Mac looked like a fucking corpse for two straight days and matched that score. I don’t know that I’ve had a worse…
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U.S. Open Preview: Hovland and the Wandering Donkey
My nightmare came true this past week. Rory fucking won it. I also had to endure Brandon Wu withdrawing before the tournament began, absolutely dick dusting my single entry lineup. Then Hatton and Schwab took turns shitting on each other throughout Thursday and Friday. All things considered, it was a top 5 worst possible result.…
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RBC Canadian Open Preview: Shane the Brain and the PJ
I ended up getting completely fucked last week. I had a few lineups that were in the mix on Sunday, but I had way too much Bigdicki and Morikawa to profit. Who the fuck allowed Bigdicki to have that painted club in his bag? I don’t understand how that made it through the process and…
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The Memorial Tournament Preview: Cantplay’s Steele Pole
I thought I was in a great spot heading into the weekend with double the field on 6/6s in my tournament. I thought wrong. Cockrack became a sack of shit and Scheffler blew the lead. I had 100% Cockrack thinking he’d contend for the win but he could not overcome the brick that came out…
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Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Cockrack Defends the Throne
I got what I deserved by making Uncle Dustball Johnson the Cash God Guarantee last week. The guy forgot his Viagra at home and limp-dicked his way through two +3 rounds to miss the cut. I’m not sure what else I expected. Another massive disappointment was Daniel Berger. The Burgers were undercooked and everyone involved…
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PGA Championship Preview: Dusty Johnson and the Hits
Going into the weekend I thought I had finally done it. I had 32/150 lineups that were 6/6, but I seemingly overlooked the K.H. Lee narrative that has him winning the tournament every year and Munoz began to viciously shit onto his own face on Sunday. I also didn’t play any Spieth, Xander, or Matsuyama…
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AT&T Byron Nelson Preview: Power Hour
Last week was bad, real bad. I tried to chase the golf losses with NBA slates and just ended up paying Jason Robins a few more dollars. I am the rake. Woodcock was a complete failure. I am almost convinced he should retire at this point. If he’s getting completely dick-dusted in tournaments like that,…
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Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Sergio and the Jet
I had a great single-entry lineup outside of Kramer fucking Hickock. I couldn’t find a better play and the name just fit. I cashed though, finally. It was min-cash of course, but profit is profit. Rahm was absolute dicks out from start to finish. He somehow only won by one stroke, which seems low considering…
The Cash God 