Tag: espn

  • NFL DFS Week 1 Preview: Cooper and the Super Genius

    NFL DFS Week 1 Preview: Cooper and the Super Genius

    The time is once again upon us. I barely made it through the PGA season without taking out a fucking loan to cover my weekly losses. It all started with the Zalatoris WD in April. I never recovered. I’m back and it’s time to win it all back in one week. I’m finishing this immediately…

  • Week 17 NFL DFS Main Slate Preview: Etienne and the Pendulum

    Week 17 NFL DFS Main Slate Preview: Etienne and the Pendulum

    I was coming off one of my worst DFS Sundays of the season on Monday. I then sit back to watch the Colts-Chargers game with two season-long teams needing about 5 points out of Dick Folds to advance. I was relaxed. What Folds do? He proceeds to gurgle his own dick like it’s the last…

  • Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Olave and Double RB

    Monday Night Football DFS Preview: Olave and Double RB

    Variance must be worse than ever this season. My stacks were so fucking bad. I even slipped a Rodgers lineup in the milly and that was a massive mistake. DeShaun Watson looked like complete ass shit, but the Browns’ defense somehow got 30 points, breaking the slate. I’m not sure how many more weeks like…

  • Monday Night Football Preview: The Rams Onslaught

    Monday Night Football Preview: The Rams Onslaught

    My Lamar double stacks and zero Hockencock were the nails in the coffin to my chances of profiting on Sunday. Variance caught up to me a bit with none of my Geno stacks having Hockencock as the comeback. That’s inexcusably bad, but I couldn’t stomach the high ownership and saw Goff relentlessly feed Reynolds last…

  • Monday Night Football Preview: Unleash Jake Ferguson

    Monday Night Football Preview: Unleash Jake Ferguson

    I forgot what it was like to win multiple weeks in a row. PGA DFS did an absolute fucking paint job on my bank account, but now we are cooking with gas in NFL through 3 weeks (outside of the mushroom stamp that was put onto my face in week 1). Despite going heavy Mahomes,…

  • Week 2 Preview: Dick Chubb’s Eruption

    Week 2 Preview: Dick Chubb’s Eruption

    Week 1 was fucking terrible for me. Truly one of the worst weeks of all time. I take solace in the fact that it seems like the chalk hit, which means my contrarian-focused GPP lineups would be complete shit. That’s what I call variance. To top it all off on Sunday afternoon (I was obviously…

  • UFC 276: Adesanya vs. Cannonier Preview: Miller Time and Cerrone’s Pasture Ceremony

    UFC 276: Adesanya vs. Cannonier Preview: Miller Time and Cerrone’s Pasture Ceremony

    Last week would have been completely dicks out had Kelleher not had his nutsack forcibly inserted into his own mouth by Bautista. There was some chatter about him looking like complete dogshit in the face-off before the fight so maybe I should have taken that more into consideration. Regardless, it was a pretty good result…

  • UFC Fight Night Tsarukyan vs. Gamrot Preview: Moises and the Tank

    UFC Fight Night Tsarukyan vs. Gamrot Preview: Moises and the Tank

    Last week got fucked because the Lauzon fight was canceled. I was reading somewhere that Lauzon was piping one of the cleaners in his hotel shower pre-fight, slipped a bit, and tweaked his knee. I watched an entire video of him getting treatment on it and that’s the conclusion I came to as well. His…