The Cash God

Tag: fantasy football plays

  • Week 13 NFL DFS Preview: Back to the Bijan Well

    Week 13 NFL DFS Preview: Back to the Bijan Well

    I thought I’d stumbled upon the nuts last week when I saw the fucking Gardner snake running in a touchdown and Pittman going wild. The snake cooled down and somehow only ended with 15. My dick was creeping out of my pants, somehow only culminating in a min cash. What the fuck. I’m seeing the…

  • Week 12 NFL DFS Preview: Stevenson and the Gardner Snake Uncoiling

    Week 12 NFL DFS Preview: Stevenson and the Gardner Snake Uncoiling

    The Thanksgiving slate started off hot – it usually does. It went downhill quickly as the chalk slappies hit with Dak and Dallas defense. CMC took his cock out on national TV and my fate was sealed. I min cashed one lineup in the Milly, but that was it. The bankroll is totally fucked. Onto…

  • Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Olave and the Squeaky Wheel

    Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Olave and the Squeaky Wheel

    Last week was one of the all time best. Lamb scored the most points on the slate at 5% ownership. I was crotch chopping in the living room after the second TD and it only got better as the game went on. This is around the point in the season where the slate just flows…

  • Week 4 NFL DFS Preview: I Chase Losses

    Week 4 NFL DFS Preview: I Chase Losses

    I lost everything again last week. Bijan had his worst week of the season and Fields was somehow almost worse. I had way too much of those two along with Mike Williams and got completely blasted for all of my entry fees. This has been an all-time bad year. I’m either fucking terrible or variance…

  • Monday Night Football DFS Preview: The Freier and the D

    Monday Night Football DFS Preview: The Freier and the D

    I faded Garrett Wilson when I saw a 30%+ ownership projection and he proceeded to remove his dick from his shorts and swing it around at less than half of that. Mike White appears to be the real deal and they play the Vikings next week so I’ll be noting that for the main slate.…

  • Thanksgiving Day Slate NFL DFS Preview: Jared Goes Diggs Out

    Thanksgiving Day Slate NFL DFS Preview: Jared Goes Diggs Out

    Maybe this goes without saying, but I got completely fucked by the Rondale Moore injury on Monday and my night was over on what was pretty much the first play. I could hardly watch the game. Good thing we have a short week and a 3-game slate on Thursday. While everyone gurgles down turkey I’ll…

  • Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Saquon and the Well

    Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Saquon and the Well

    It’s been a terrible two-week stretch. This time it wasn’t the chalk hitting, it was Joe fucking Mixon. The only thing more tilting than chalk variance is a running back averaging about 3 yards per carry randomly rushing for 150 and 5 TDs. It didn’t matter how many of my lineups contained Cameraman Pusher, I…